Tough Talk for Tough Times

Tough Talks are inevitable. But they don t have to be gut-wrenching. No one likes to deliver bad news. Whether at work or in your personal life, your words take a.
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For the holidays, parents should focus on family outings that stress togetherness and not material items, Chicago-based author Susan Smith Kuczmarski said. We have love and each other, and that's what matters. It might be a good time for parents to think about not only how much they've spent on their children in the past, but why, some experts said.

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They substitute [material goods] for lack of time," said Dara Duguay, a personal finance author and director of Citi's Office of Financial Education. Ultimately, experts say, the conversations and the example parents set afterward can provide valuable and enduring life lessons.


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Evanston mom Tori Foreman said she has already seen changes in the way her four children, 7 to 17, view spending. Last month, she and her husband told the children that the economy is shaky, basic goods cost more money, and they all have to live by a budget. They created worksheets that show each child's spending allowance and what each of them decided to save for major items. When their sheet says zero, they know not to ask for extras, Foreman said.

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Randy Foreman, 14, said that before the talk with his parents, he spent his allowance freely. Now he's more thoughtful. We will go skiing, and that will be Christmas," she said. Lander Nicholas Braggs was used to a few indulgences: But his mother, Nicole Howell, tightened the purse strings after losing her job, and warned the year-old not to expect an extravagant Christmas.

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Asked recently how he was feeling about the family's new budget, Lander said he doesn't understand everything, but he's learning. Three elements can make it difficult to accomplish: Berns began with internal noise, which is similar to static on a telephone line. Rarely do people engage in pure listening, she said, and internal noise causes distractions.

One audience member might remember that he forgot to add milk to the grocery list. Berns identified the loudest internal noise in climate communication as confirmation bias. This can result in a boomerang effect that reinforces the opposite message of the one that the speaker intended to communicate. Berns said that this effect is exacerbated when a speaker builds a case by gradually introducing evidence while delaying the main takeaways until the end of the presentation.

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If you use this technique, audience members will hear your evidence with your conclusion firmly planted in their minds. At the end of the talk, she recommends recapping the main takeaway points and adding a call to action. If the talk ends with a different format, such as a question and answer session, Berns recommends restating your main points and action call one more time after this final section. The second thing that can make persuasion difficult is frame of reference.

This is the lens through which a person sees the world, and it is based on culture, profession, upbringing, geography, family, community, politics and a host of other things that make that person who she is. Finally, according to Berns, speaking involves not only what you say but also how you say it.

Tough talks that will open your eyes

Nonverbal elements of communication include story structure, visual expression, and sound. As she turned the discussion to nonverbal cues, Berns explained that the use of these signals is one of the best ways to establish a positive interaction in an important situation, whether you are trying to change minds about climate change or make a good first impression at an interview.

Deciding where to position yourself in a room is one of the key factors here. Facing your listener across a table can feel adversarial, while sitting at two adjacent corners creates a connection.


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Seating groups at opposite sides of a rectangular table can create silos that could have been avoided by mixing groups at a round table.