Small Talk: It’s Only My Opinion

By John x G. Small speak: It's in basic terms My Opinion John G. Show description. Read or Download Small Talk: It's Only My Opinion PDF.
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Guests responded with unexpected enthusiasm. We debated the theory of suicide prevention. We talked about the art of the dominatrix.

Why I hate small talk

There are hazards in trying to push a conversation out of the quotidian. I love a bit of meaningless banter. I love laughter and verbal horseplay. Maybe even, God forbid, a robust argument, a bit of a ding-dong. But this risks censure. By digging below the surface, we build not only knowledge but also intimacy. But when it comes to friends and acquaintances, must we always err on the side of the insipid? Honest communication takes bravery — perhaps because many of us have opinions we are ashamed of and like to keep hidden, or in our heart of hearts know we might find hard to logically defend and yet count as emotionally valuable.

We fear standing out of the crowd. This shame, or lack of confidence, has become so acute that the idea of safe spaces no longer stops at university campuses — it is in the living room, in the kitchen, at the party. This is mostly inadvertent, but occasionally I just like to stir the pot — because I believe the risk of offending people is not really the great crime it is commonly deemed.


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I have often found the backlash painful, but I cannot regret it, because in my mind I was not trying to draw attention to myself, but attempting to open up a dialogue, to cut through the great foam mattress that presses down on most social conversations. That sometimes requires sharp tools. Politeness is a wonderful and pervasive British trait, and I embrace it, but it can squeeze the life out of … well, life.

And if it goes well, it can genuinely bring people together — rather than keep them suspended, as we increasingly find ourselves, in a warm, and shallow bath of consensus. A sentence in the second paragraph was inadvertently changed in the editing process. Topics Social trends Opinion. Order by newest oldest recommendations.

Show 25 25 50 All. I crave alone time. It helps me recover from social time. I have always longed for deep conversation that goes beyond the small talk and I do not have a problem moving conversations to deeper levels. Parents often shove difficult family content under the rug instead of having open discussions. People are Not brave enough to take conversational risks.

Small talk is effortless banter where the people involved never get to know each other on a meaningful level. I used to attend potlucks, parties, and other social gatherings that my co-workers hosted. The only non-small talk conversations that are successful are ones about work, and complaining about work for three hours is emotionally draining. Small talk does not allow me to do this. Since I have a wide variety of interests, I can have meaningful one-on-one conversations with pretty much anyone, but the other person has to willingly make herself vulnerable. My friend from Japan was confused by American social customs when she first moved here.

She was extremely hurt by this. As a somewhat extroverted personality, I like ALL talk, for the most part. Is small talk just less in-depth? I hate small talk because it allows me to feel better than the other person. I love hiding behind my facade of aloofness while silently screaming how lonely I am. I love this article because it totally validates my anti-social personality, even though it has nothing to do with being an introvert. I apologize for the introvert that has made you feel like a donkey. I think it displays a complete lack of understanding.

What I would say instead is that introverts and non-introverts can see small talk differently. Non-introverts can see small talk as a non-intrusive way to more personal discussion. For example, you can start by talking about the how nice the weather was last weekend, which can lead to a discussion of what you each did last weekend.

Which could leads to all sorts of further discussion. To dismiss this as a barrier between people, shallow, without meaning etc simply dismissed the fact that it can function as a route to a deeper conversation without throwing someone into the deep end when they might not want to go there. A thoughtful understanding of a different communication style might help you to meet it halfway, or even use it to get to the point you want to get to. Dismissing it as shallow, a barrier, etc is over-simplistic and achieves nothing constructive. Seems to me, people are better at giving out advice than they are about having a two-way conversation.

Like I could never have thought of anything by myself. This is why small talk is so prevalent and will always be so. I can only get into nice conversations with my dad and my brother whom are a lot older than i. Perhaps my hat that says Kings on it? Maybe it was me looking up at the tv that had the pre game show on?

My issue is that I feel guilty for not taking part in it. They made an effort and I gave them nothing in return. That feeling is what I dislike. I personally find that small talk does, in fact, serve a purpose. Some people are not worth being real with. So small talk exists. Do you prefer meaningful conversation over small talk?

BigTalk is the card game for you. Yes small talk is necessary to move on to deeper more valuable things to discuss but when the only conversation type is small talk, there will never be any real connection. Not being able to move past the small talk is a problem because well, small talk is empty no matter how you frame it.

Can you point toward any studies? I have never understood what is wrong with silence. When I lived with my parents ages ago I remember a guy who asked me literally every time I went with him on the lift what I was studying. My friend, if you do not care and you are not going to remember ever please shut up.

Big hater of small talk here. Jesus Steve W just said something that I just wrote about in my blog. One example, the other night I asked her how far two places she had lived in were apart. I got 10 minutes of anecdotes about things that had happened when she had lived there. I had a similar experience with my old landlady. Do not live on the same property as landlady! It came to a point where I would come home late after work in the hopes she was sleeping. But I must say, for all my hate for small talk and gossip, I love how I can manipulate situations for my amusement because of it.

I feed off of awkward moments so I will purposely lead a conversation subversively to a place that creates some sort of break. I laughed at the part about waiting for the person who makes inappropriate comments or laughs at the wrong time.

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Small talk is good for just getting to know the basics about the other person. Besides, I find most people fake, cold, no depth to them at all, lack of thought and processing ability, self centered and no empathy towards others at all. Chit-chat is a waste of time. When I was a practicing introvert I had the same bad attitude toward popular kids. In short, they read all my tells. After I took responsibility for my attitude, I was able to learn the coping skills that helped me come out of my shell.

Now, even though my happy place is still in a recliner, alone with a thick book, it no longer sucks the life out of me to be in a room full of people. And that is energizing! The small talk is just the price you pay to go deeper. And people are free to stay shallow if they want to.

So, be humble, patient, and willing to wait for the good ones to open up. When I ask how someone is when I approach them, I truly am asking how they are. I wait for their response. They have my undivided attention. I am sincere when I ask them. They are not when they ask me. Its extremely irritating to me. At first when I read this post, I thought it was BS. But then I thought about it more and I think it may be correct. I get very stressed when I have to continually make small talk. I only really want to talk to someone if I am interested in developing some kind of long-term relationship with them, and that rarely happens.

I agree with a previous poster that if I ask how you are doing, I really mean it. I am currently a nurse and I know this will probably sound awful to some, but it is really difficult and stressful to have to make small talk with patients. Some people would suggest that I get a different job, and I am nearing completion of an accounting degree. Maybe I can just have clients email me what they need and I will never have to speak to them. I seem to need to live in stealth mode to avoid the constant distracting people that seek me out to chit chat.

This is why I prefer communicating with people that post messages for me that give me time to respond without needing to banter back and forth with unnecessary blabber. Good friends understand my quirks, and let me be. I do the same for them. But, my quirk makes meeting new people kind of a chore. Once I realize an individual is a blabbermouth, I want nothing more than to escape their chatter.

I like crazy crowds and high energy. I like meeting new people, but chit chat is annoying. I wish the rest of the world would learn to be polite like that. If you want me to read your life story, post it online. My ears need a break, before I smack them not polite, lol, ha ha. I just found your website yesterday, in my quest for information on extraversion my particular cup of tea and found your site on introversion instead!

As an extravert, this is my take on it:. In an ideal world, I would love to have 10 hour conversations about really deep issues with like people. So, through small talk, I allow myself to have tiny interactions with many people, just to keep the flame alive, and then I really treasure the hour conversations I get to have with those same people, but more sporadically. Just one more thing to add: I am glad that I am not the only one who is really uncomfortable in public including my job as well.

But, it seems that I am around most people who are extroverted or love to speak their minds. I do hate small talk. It is very awkward. I am around complete stranger s or someone e. It is either I want to talk about something that interests or concerns me. Or I just want to go my separate way and regain energy because I am a true introvert. I generally dislike small talk, especially in a small group like six or seven around a dinner table and nobody gets up to move to a different area.

It starts feeling like a competition of wit and trivia. People steer the conversations towards their own interests, and it begins to feel oppressive and I end up sitting quietly with a half-hearted smile, while the dominant cacklers carry on with even greater energy. I will volunteer personal information about myself.

Then that tends to loosen up the OTHER person to volunteer personal information about him or herself. Sometimes we even cry. I plan to stay longer with my job and my co workers. But my quietness seems to be the biggest obstacle of my life. It achieves nothing and ends up just being boring. There have been so many times when I have made a humorous remark and the other person has laughed heartily at it……and then gone right back to the boring small talk topic he has been droning on about in the beginning.

The only time I do not mind small talk is if I am at a party and meeting strangers, etc. No need to pretend to be polite. I have work to do. If I really want to tell you something, I will call or text you quickly. And if you really need to tell me something, then I am all ears. But call for a purpose. I care about you and am interested in your life. It can be difficult to direct it to topics I like without it being abrupt and awkward.

I hate it for one reason: I HATE small talk.


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    • My reasoning is different though. I ve never been a social guy by any means but the real reason I hate it is because it just wastes time. I hate small talk as it just feels so forced, stupid, pathetic and boring, plus I mess up dead easily with it. I just like to be with the few ones I am familiar with at a time and have deep, meaningful conversations. At 40 years old and a successful professional, I have suffered through YEARS of small talk and banter in the workplace.

    It is just as you said: It got so bad that I realized that after about 20 years of being in the workforce that I needed to make a change. A tax-paying, college-educated, home-owning citizen should have the RIGHT to choose the manner in which they work — i. There are those of us out there raise your hand if this is you who work just fine being left to our own devices. And others should really learn to become more emotionally secure in themselves as adults. What always baffled me was how corporate culture makes demands that certain people do backflips of their personality to please a middle manager, who, in my field, sales, was a completely unnecessary role to have.

    The Internet is awash in data that even the poorest and slowest strategist can turn a buck on. So, knowing all this to be true, and spending years listening to inane meetings where the purpose was for some boss who cared not one tiny iota about her workers jibber-jabber on and on.

    I think that the issues of poor leadership and introversion are linked. I can see lots of introverts coming out of their shells more if they trust their leader and seem them as smart people who actually have something to offer besides awful anecdotes and fake smiles. The world is changing and my prediction is that small business and sole proprietorship is on the rise.

    Working for yourself is the way to go. It takes a TON of work up front. Corporate America is wealthy. You will never tear it down from the outside.

    Why Introverts Hate Small Talk

    You will never change it from the inside. All you can do is what I did: Corporate America is already losing the best talent from universities all over the world because of dynamics like this and do they change? They dig in their heels and insist they are right. I hate it when people just make random BS.

    Why I hate small talk | Tim Lott | Opinion | The Guardian

    Here we have both sides of the coin. Your email address will not be published. Joel on August 11, at Bob on August 18, at 6: Pudgy on September 26, at 9: Miroslav Garigov on November 17, at 7: Thank you for this article. I found it really interesting and found something for my self. Jeremy on September 24, at 2: Thank you so much for this. This is absolutely how I feel. Paolo on September 30, at 6: Scott on June 22, at One on December 27, at 3: Angelita Blackstock on February 16, at This artical is obviously written by someone who is not an INFJ.

    Sha on February 16, at 9: Kris Harder on July 25, at Michaela on July 27, at 8: Larry Karp on October 19, at 1: Bruce on July 23, at 6: This can make anyone feel like they dont fit in Reply. Madeline higgins on June 2, at 3: John on February 4, at Absolutely spot on word for word perfect. Firefly on September 29, at 7: The other is just a repeated reflex.

    JerryElliott on March 26, at 9: You may also enjoy the book: Andromeda Cross on April 5, at 8: Nicola on July 5, at Marica LaPointe on July 15, at 2: Michaela on July 15, at 5: Jaylin on March 10, at 6: Carol on November 26, at 1: Guido on June 16, at 6: Introvert on August 27, at 7: You nailed it Reply.

    Susan on August 7, at 4: Michaela on August 7, at Michelle on September 6, at 3: Paul on October 3, at Michaela on October 5, at 2: Rebecca Lloyd on October 26, at Michaela on October 27, at 6: Frank on October 29, at Michaela on October 30, at 4: Matthias on November 15, at 8: Cheryl on November 24, at 3: Victoria on March 29, at I feel the exact same way. Darren on December 24, at 9: Algis on September 3, at 8: Allen on November 25, at Miguel on November 30, at 6: I agree on your take of small talk.

    Karen on April 24, at Marsha on May 14, at Introverts are also same minded but deeper in their conversations on sameness. Michelle on December 11, at 8: B on February 15, at Nice to know there are others who feel the same. Lily on November 18, at Some one drifting by on February 25, at 2: Dee on April 21, at That would be a recluse and not an introvert. Ana Ng on February 3, at John on December 24, at 9: Wandiswa Madikane on March 12, at 8: Erin A on May 31, at 1: Kris on July 8, at 8: Chris on June 4, at 1: I am trying to learn of effective ways to engage in small talk and cringe under the surface of my smile while engaging in it Reply.

    Fizzy on June 4, at 1: Darren on July 22, at 3: I shall be lurking regularly. Wen on August 19, at It might sound pathetic, but this is what I become after having pretended to be an extrovert for more than 20 years… very mentally unhealthy and twisted… Anyway, thank you for sharing this: BS on August 27, at 9: Michaela on August 28, at 1: They are no longer available. Rick H on September 21, at Recluse on October 7, at Red on November 5, at 9: Marie on November 25, at 6: Phoenicia on December 27, at Naomi on January 8, at D on January 17, at 3: This article is amazing and completely sums up why I dislike small talk.

    Ocean on February 8, at 1: Hi Michaela, I love you: Sulliman on April 19, at Kyle on May 10, at 3: Melanie on March 15, at 4: Jlea on March 25, at Mustard on April 11, at 6: Ric on April 21, at 2: Anders on May 13, at 1: Zania on January 16, at 9: Anne on May 22, at 2: Orion Sune on July 1, at 7: