Portobello: Three I dont dig loud noises, man!

PORTOBELLO: Three is the finale point for a three-book series describing civil, political, racial unrest in the Caribbean's Turks & Caicos Islands. The time line is .
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There's something slightly awry. He kisses her gently on the cheek. ANNA pause You've got to go. He is duly shocked. She's trying to be calm. Jeff drifts into view behind. He is a very famous film star and looks the part -- well built, very handsome. Unshaven, he has magic charm, whatever he says. Over a t-shirt, he wears a shirt, which he unbuttons as he talks.

JEFF How you doing? I thought you guys all wore those penguin coats. Could you do me a favour and try to get us some really cold water up here? JEFF Still, not sparkling. Ice cold still water. I don't want you going to jail just to satisfy my whims JEFF And maybe you could just adios the dishes and empty the trash. And he does just that. Scoops up the two used plates and heads to the bin. Is this a problem? JEFF What's your name? Jeff slips him a fiver. What are you ordering? ANNA I haven't decided. JEFF Well, don't over-do it. I don't want people saying, 'There goes that famous actor with the big, fat girlfriend.

To be honest, I don't realize I don't know what to say. We see him through the side window. As it drives away, we see that the whole back of the bus is taken up with a huge picture of Anna. She takes a helmet type thing, and places it on her head. The camera moves and finds, sitting on his own We see a momentous flash of light from the screen explode, reflected in his eye. Spike settles on the arm of a chair. William decides to open up a bit I'd been getting a female vibe.

Speak on, dear friend. I've opened Pandora's box. And there's trouble inside. I knew a girl at school called Pandora He roars with laughter. Yes -- very helpful. William and his friends are on their first course. MAX You didn't know she had a boyfriend? Their looks make it obvious that everyone did.

MAX Let's face facts. This was always a no-go situation. Anna's a goddess and you know what happens to mortals who get involved with the gods. But don't despair -- I think I have the solution to your problems. They all look to him for wise words. MAX Her name is Tessa and she works in the contracts department. The hair, I admit, is unfashionable frizzy -- but she's as bright as a button and kisses like a nymphomaniac on death row. William is looking uneasy. MAX Now -- try. Max heads off to the door. We stay with William -- and just hear the door open and a voice come down the corridor.

I got completely lost -- it's real difficult, isn't it? They reach the kitchen. Tessa is a lush girl with huge hair. MAX Tessa -- this is Bella my wife. MAX And this is William. Max has told me everything about you. Come on, Willie, let's get sloshed. She turns to take the wine and William has a split second to send a message of panic to Bella. She agrees -- it's bad. Honey, Bella, William and another girl. MAX Keziah -- some woodcock? MAX I don't realize that. It is left to William, who has been set up here, to fill the pause.

We only eat things that have actually fallen from the tree or bush -- that are, in fact, dead already. Beside William sits the final, perfect girl. She is Rosie, quite young, smartly dressed, open-hearted. It is just Max and William and Bella and her. I'm sorry about the lamb. It's going very well. She kisses him gently on the cheek. He opens the door -- she walks out.

He shuts the door quietly and heads back into the living room William makes a gentle, exasperated gesture, then Look at me -- not counting the American -- I've only loved two girls in my whole life, both total disasters. MAX That's not fair. WILLIAM No really, one of them marries me and then leaves me quicker than you can say Indiana Jones -- and the other, who seriously ought to have known better, casually marries my best friend.

They all roar with laughter. But all that kissing my ears I am going to find myself, 30 years from now, still on this couch. Music starts to play to take us through these silent scenes. Mix through -- William sits on the couch downstairs -- eyes wide open -- thinking. Max, all in his suit for the city Bella kisses him goodbye. William sees this from the kitchen. She is also dressed for work -- and moves back into the kitchen to pack her briefcase with law books from the kitchen table. We see, though he doesn't, a rack of tabloid papers, all of which seem to have very grainy, grabbed pictures of Anna on their front page.

He heads out to answer it. There stands a dark- glassed Anna. Can I come in? Her hair is a mess -- her eyes are tired. So what was a stupid photo- shoot now looks like a porno film. William shakes his head. ANNA I don't know where to go. The hotel is surrounded. I'm just in London for two days -- but, with your papers, it's the worse place to be. ANNA These are such horrible pictures.

We'll sort it out. Now what would you like -- tea ANNA A bath would be great. William doesn't hear him. Spike is reading newspapers with the Anna pictures in it. He heads up the stairs. Opens the bathroom door, walks in. She's in the bath. Spike turns in shock -- and sidles out of the bathroom. He then opens the bathroom door again -- and looks in. ANNA I'm really sorry about last time.

He just flew in -- I had no idea -- in fact, I had no idea if he'd ever fly in again. It's not often one has the opportunity to adios the plates of a major Hollywood star. It was a thrill for me. Pause How is he? ANNA I don't know. It got to the point where I couldn't remember any of the reasons I loved him. ANNA I have thought about you. He doesn't think she has to talk about this.

The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)

It's all talk, talk, talk. ANNA I'm a difficult but brilliant junior officer who in about twenty minutes will save the world from nuclear disaster. They're in the thick of the script. Would you like them to send in the HKs? ANNA 'Cartwright, Wainwright, whatever your name is, I promised little Jimmy I'd be home for his birthday -- could you get a message through that I may be a little late. ANNA Well, get a message through to him too. ANNA What do you think?

It's not Jane Austen, it's not Henry James, but it's gripping. But, you know -- this writer's pretty damn good too. Anna smiles her biggest smile of the day. Sat down at table. There's a picture hanging on the wall behind. ANNA I can't believe you have that picture on your wall. It is a poster of a Chagall painting of a floating wedding couple, with a goat as company. It feels like how being in love should be.

Floating through a dark blue sky. ANNA Yes -- happiness wouldn't be happiness without a violin-playing goat. Spike enters with three pizzas. Carnival Calypso, for the Queen of Notting Hill -- pepperoni, pineapple and a little more pepperoni. If I just peel the skin off, it'll be perfect. William and Anna on their own. A few seconds of just co-existing. ANNA You've got big feet. ANNA You know what they say about men with big feet? ANNA Big feet -- large shoes.


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ANNA The thing that's so irritating is that now I'm so totally fierce when it comes to nudity clauses. In the event of a stunt person being used, the artist must have full consultation. ANNA I could have a stunt bottom, yes. Ths is important stuff. What do you put on your passport? Profession -- Mel Gibson's bottom. ANNA Today has ben a good day. Which under the circumstances is She leans forward, kisses him gently, then steps into the bedroom and closes the door.

He waits and waits -- the ultimate 'yearn. William gets off the sofa decisively. Sits on the side of it. Then gets back in again. I wonder if I could have a little word. He drifts round the corner, half-naked. For God's sake -- she's in trouble -- get a grip. You think it's the wrong moment. Might be too late, but okay. Back to William thinking again. I thought you were Spike. I'm delighted you're not. The darkness of the living room. We see Anna in the shadow.

William and Anna stand in the middle of the room. He kisses her neck. What a miracle it is just to be able to touch this girl's skin. Then he looks at her face. He is suddenly struck by who it is. And then gets over it straight away. They are both asleep -- a yard apart. In sleep, her arm reaches out, touches his shoulder and then she wriggles across and re-settles herself, tenderly, right next to him.

He is not asleep and knows how extraordinary this all is. ANNA You and every person in this country. ANNA What is it about men and nudity? Particularly breasts -- how can you be so interested in them? I mean, they're just breasts. Every second person in the world has got them You know, Meatloaf has a very nice pair Your mum's got them. You must have seen a thousand of them -- what's the fuss about? He looks under the sheet at her breasts. ANNA Her most famous part -- men went to bed with the dream -- and they didn't like it when they woke up with the reality -- do you feel that way with me?

ANNA very touched Oh. She looks at him carefully. Then leaps out of bed. ANNA I'll be back. It is Anna with a tray of toast and tea. ANNA Breakfast in bed. Or lunch, or brunch. She smiles and sits on the bed. Outside are hundreds of paparazzi -- an explosion of cameras and questions, of noise and light. The press seem to fill the entire street. He comes back inside, snapping the door behind him. Anna is in the kitchen. She heads back the corridor, with no suspicion. ANNA You're up to something She thinks he's fooling around. She opens the door, the same explosion.

In a split second she's inside. And they got a photo of you dressed like that? Spike is blithely heading downstairs to the kitchen in just his underpants. He does a thumbs up to William -- very excited about what he knows was a 'result. The press are here. No, there are hundreds of them.

My brilliant plan was not so brilliant after all. Yeh, I know, I know. Just get me out then. The moment William goes upstairs, Spike heads for the front door. No bad at all. Well-chosen briefs, I'd say. He's unhappy for her. Your furry friend thought he'd make a buck or two telling the papers where I was. She's in that house with the blue door in Notting Hill. ANNA This is such a mess.

I come to you to protect myself against more crappy gossip and now I'm landed in it all over again. For God's sake, I've got a boyfriend. It's a difficult moment -- defining where they stand. And now tomorrow there'll be pictures of you in every newspapers from here to Timbuktu. ANNA You can stay calm -- it's the perfect situation for you -- minimum input, maximum publicity. Everyone you ever bump into will know. ANNA Who knows, it may even help business. Buy a boring book about Egypt from the guy who screwed Anna Scott.

I beg you -- calm down. Have a cup of tea. ANNA I don't want a goddamn cup of tea. I want to go home. Spike leans merrily out of the window. Or holiday -- depending if he's got the brains to get the going rate on betrayal. And wait a minute Can't we just laugh about this? Seriously -- in the huge sweep of things, this stuff doesn't matter. And we don't need to go anywhere near that far. My best friend slipped -- she slipped down- stairs, cracked her back and she's in a wheelchair for the rest of her life.

All I'm asking for is a normal amount of perspective. It's just that I've dealt with this garbage for ten years now -- you've had it for ten minutes. Our perspectives are different. Today's papers will all have been thrown away tomorrow. ANNA You really don't get it. This story gets filed. Every time anyone writes anything about me -- they'll dig up these photos.

I'll regret this forever. He takes this in. I will do the opposite, if it's all right by you -- and always be glad you came. But you're right -- you probably better go. She looks at him. The doorbell goes again. She opens the door. Massive noise and photos. Outside are her people, including Karen, a chauffeur, two bodyguards. And then the door is shut and they're all gone. He puts his head in his hands. This walk takes six months First it is summer -- summer fruits and flowers -- a six-month pregnant woman -- Honey with another leather-jacket boyfriend.

As he walks on the rain starts to fall -- he turns up his coat collar -- umbrellas appear. Followed by winter coats -- chestnuts roasting -- Christmas trees on sale and the first hint of snow. Then he comes to Blenheim Crescent, which is startling snowscape, for the hundred yard, right across Ladbroke Grove. By the time he reaches the purple cafe, the snow is melting and in a few yards, it is spring again. He passes Honey again -- arguing with her boyfriend, walking away tearful.

Then turns past 'the pregnant woman' -- now holding her three-month baby. The camera holds on her. A feeling that things in there ever change. Spike, still feeling in disgrace, comes in with her but lingers in the doorway. Something which will make you love me so much you'll want to hug me every single day for the rest of my life. You can ring her. You think about her all the time -- now you can ring her! Hey, Marty-- sexy cardy. And she rushes out. William looks at the piece of paper, folds it and then places it gently in the garbage bin.

All the friends are gathered in the restaurant. Exactly a year ago today, this man here started the finest restaurant in London.

Souq | Portobello: Three: I Don't Dig Loud Noises, Man! by Robert B. Cooper - Paperback | Kuwait

TONY Thank you very much. TONY A tiny hiccough. Tony's brave face breaks. The dream is over. The more I think about things, the more I see no rhyme or reason in life -- no one knows why some things work out, and some things don't -- why some of us get lucky -- and some of us They're all rather stunned. TONY So we go down together!

A toast to Bernie -- the worst stockbroker in the whole world! I've also got one, Ahm I've decided to get engaged. Total bewilderment from the others. HONEY I've found myself a nice, slightly odd looking bloke who I know is going to make me happy for the rest of my life. Special cut to Bernie -- the shot shows he had special feelings for Honey. MAX Is it someone we know? I will keep you informed. As she sits down, Honey leans towards Spike and whispers. MAX Any more announcements? I have, as you know, been slightly down in the mouth. MAX There's an understatement.

There are dead people on better form. They've had a very good time. There's been a chocolate cake. Tony is playing 'Blue Moon' on the piano, and Bernie joins him, singing.

What kind of food do you turn to when life happens?

At one table Bella and Honey sit -- beer and wine on the table. Elsewhere, Max an William are relaxed together. MAX So -- you've laid the ghost. MAX Don't give a damn about the famous girl. MAX Which means you won't be distracted by the fact that she's back in London, grasping her Oscar, and to be found filming most days on Hampstead Heath. He puts down a copy of the 'Evening Standard' with a picture of Anna on its cover. MAX So not over her, in fact. He marches up a hill I mean, I am a friend -- I'm not a lunatic but -- no, you basically At that moment -- thirty yards away, William sees trailer door open.

Out of it comes Anna -- looking extraordinary -- in a velvet dress; full, beautiful make-up; rich, extravagant hair. She has a necessary cluster of people about her. Hair, make-up, costume and the third assistant who has collected her. She walks a few yards, and then casually turns her head. Her face registers not jut surprise, certainly not a simple smile.

His being there is a complicated thing. Cut back to him. He does a small wave. She pauses as the whole paraphernalia of the upcoming scene passes between them. The movie divides them. But then she begins to walk through it, and followed by her cluster, she makes her way towards him. When she reaches him, the security guard stands back a pace, and her people hold back. She doesn't really know what to say ANNA This is certainly ANNA I was going to ring I didn't think you'd want to The third assistant is under pressure.

The poor third is nervous -- and the first is approaching. ANNA Drink tea -- there's lots of tea. She is swept away, four people touching her hair and costume. They end up next to the sound desk. Harry the sound man is a pleasant, fifty-year-old balding fellow. He hands him the headphones.

The volume control is on the side. William, the headphones on, surveys the scene -- the cluster is a full yards from the action, to allow a gracious sweeping wide-shot. She is with her co-star in the Henry James film -- let's call him James. ANNA We have to.

I've got to be in New York on Thursday. He studies an actress a few yards to the left. ANNA I'm not listening. JAMES No, but seriously -- it's not fair -- so many tragic young teenagers with anorexia -- and that girl has an arse she could perfectly well share round with at least ten other women -- and still be beg-bottomed.

ANNA I said I'm not listening -- and I think, looking at something that firm, you and your droopy little excuse for an 'arse' would be well-advised to keep quiet. Back by the desk, William is listening and laughs. I don't know what he's doing here. Bit of an awkward situation. He takes off the headphones and puts them gently down. The moment of hope is gone. He couldn't have had a clear reminder. You can't bin these. I'm not allowing this. We don't want all this shit cluttering up our lives.

William is hard at work, doing the accounts in a dark small room with files in it. Martin pops his head in. Tell me, would I have to pay a wet rag as much as I pay you? They head out, Martin behind him, incomprehensively rubbing his hands -- he's in a very good mood. I didn't want to disturb you.

Everything much the same. When they change the law Spike and I will marry immediately. I've watched in wonder. It's all nonsense, believe me. I had no idea how much nonsense it all was -- but nonsense it all is It's quite a big wrapped parcel, flat -- 3 foot by 4 foot, leaning against a bookshelf. I don't know what it's for.

But thank you anyway. So it's been just sitting in the hotel. Then the door pings. In walks the annoying customer, Mr. Smith is taken aback and therefore completely obedient. I have to go away today but I wondered, if I didn't, whether you might let me see you a bit Pause as William takes this in. I heard -- you had a microphone MARTIN I actually tried that tack -- but she said you said that before and it's been twenty-four hours, and her foot that was purple is now a sort of blackish color Martin is left with Anna.

ANNA Is that right? I've always wondered what Patrick Swayze is like in real life. He wasn't friendly during the filming? Always been a bit of an ass. William returns a little uneasy. I'm a great fan of yours. And Demi's, of course. There's always a pause when the jury goes out to consider its verdict. She's awaiting an answer. Look -- I'm a fairly level- headed bloke. Not often in and out of love. He can't really express what he feels. He feels he must explain.

It took like a perfect situation, apart from that foul temper of yours -- but my relatively inexperienced heart would, I fear, not recover if I was once again There are too many pictures of you everywhere, too many films. You'd go and I'd be You live in Beverly Hills. Everyone in the world knows who you are.

My mother has trouble remembering my name. ANNA The fame thing isn't really real, you know. Don't forget -- I'm also just a girl. Standing in front of a boy. Asking him to love her. Then turns and leaves. The pictures are gone off the walls -- a kettle on a long extension lead is on the bare table behind. They're all sitting there. I saw her taking her pants off and I definitely glimpsed some cellulite down there.

All actresses are mad as snakes. TONY Never met her, never want to. Never trust a vegetarian. Bella is casually looking at the painting that sits beside William. It is the original of the Chagall, the poster of which was on his wall. WILLIAM It was sort of sweet actually -- I mean, I know she's an actress and all that, so she can deliver a line -- but she said that she might be as famous as can be -- but also They take in the line.

It totally reverses their attitudes. I've made the wrong decision, haven't I? They look at him. Spike does a big nod. They pile into the car. MAX If anyone gets in our way -- we have small nuclear devices. Bernie -- in the back! He shoots out of his door, rushes round and grabs Bella out of the chair. MAX Come on, babe. We are inside and outside the car. Suddenly the car slams to a halt.

MAX Stop right there! I will decide the route. MAX James Bond never has to put up with this sort of shit. William sprints into the hotel. It is the same man. Man shakes his head. He turns despondent and takes two steps when the Ritz Man stops him in his tracks. I believe she's holding a press conference at The Savoy before flying to America. William is very grateful. He kisses the Ritz Man. He kisses him too. A Japanese guest assumes this is the way to behave and the Ritz Man gets kissed a third time. It gets totally stuck at a junction where no one will let them in.

He gets out of the car and boldly stops the traffic coming in the opposite direction. Our car shoots past him. They leave him behind. Honey leans out the window and shouts Spike waves wildly -- he loses concentration and is very nearly hit by a car.


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He flashes a card. I work for their in- house magazine. Honey shoots into shot, pushing Bella's chair. It's in the Lancaster Room. I'm afraid you're very late. At last finds the room, and enters. Row after row of journalists, cameras at the front, TV cameras at the back. Anna clearly gives press conferences very rarely, because this one is positively presidential.

She sits at a table at the end of the room, beside Karen: ANNA No time at all. I fly out tonight. She's in a slightly melancholic and therefore honest mood. He points at a journalist he knows. ANNA It's really not my business any more.

Seasonally-Inspired

Though I will say, from my experience, that rumours about Jeff They love that answer, and all scribble in their note books. Next question comes from someone straight right next to William. He is pointing straight at William, who has his hand up. Anna sees who it is asking. ANNA No, let him I just wondered if Mr. Thacker realized he'd been a daft prick and got down on his knees and begged you to reconsider, whether you would We cut to Max, Bella, Bernie and Honey, all watching.

Then back to Anna. The readers of 'Horse and Hound' will be absolutely delighted. Anna whispers something to Jeremy. Anna looks up at William. They both smile -- suddenly the press gets what's going on -- music -- noise -- they all turn and flash, flash, flash photos of William. Max and Bella kiss. Bernie kisses a total stranger. Spike finally makes it -- he's bright red from running.

It's a new experience for Spike. Cut to William's face -- flash after flash -- still looking at Anna. They are both smiling. Honey, a bridesmaid in peach satin -- she is surrounded by at least four other bridesmaids, all under five. Nearby, Tony standing, glowing, beside his fabulous, pyramidical wedding cake. William's mother is not quite happy with how he's looking. She tries to brush his hair. Max, dressed in the most devastating Bond-like white tuxedo is dancing with Anna -- thrilled. He does a rather flashy little move. This meant that we had to sleep and shower at an AirBnB just a few blocks from our actual house while that section of our home was not habitable.

This turned out to be a good thing because I finally started tackling a lot of little things around the house that had been bothering me. I completely reorganized my food photography props, my kitchen pantry, and all of our bookshelves. The twins graduated from 8th grade. And they turn 14 this Saturday. And they start highschool in August. Which is impossible for me to wrap my brain around because I just turned So… now, I need a glass of wine. I need something rich and soul-satisfying while still being on the healthy side. Chewy brown rice takes the place of bread, and then the sandwich fillings are just piled on top.

When life happens, you can find comfort in this bowl. If you don't have vegan worcestershire sauce, use 1 teaspoon of liquid smoke and 2 additional teaspoons of liquid aminos. I have these smoked portobello caps that are just screaming to be in this bowl. I am going to the grocery store on Thursday. Added portobello mushrooms to my shopping list. Making this tonight and sharing on my FB page facebook. Um, Amen to 3. Though I have no children in my life, realizing that the kids I grew up with now have their own older kids themselves is enough to blow my mind and send me reeling.

And I think you solved your own dilemma in 4 while relaying your situation to us. Oh, and can we please have a pic of your newly upholstered chair and new-to-you dresser?

I LOVE seeing how people repurpose items and give new life to something. That does seem like a lot for one person to be feeling — all at once! No wonder you needed some comfort food. It was great to hear how your grandma had kept hold of that letter. I hate reading things I wrote when I was younger — it makes me cringe! Hope everything settles down for you soon. Love this idea and how you put it on the rice! Life sure has been happening! Congrats on getting ordained online! I hope your bathroom gets fixed soon! This bowl looks sooooo gooood!! I made portabella sliders last night.

What a bummer about the water damage. Thankfully the other life moments are worth celebrating. Do you do vegan in your lifestyle? I read you restyled your chair, is it vegan friendly?