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But I met some one else on the moor, an acquaintance of mine, who, I find, is staying with you. Lord Vancome! So you know him. Where did you meet him? One gets hardened in time to seeing people's minds, as it were, naked, but at first some revelations tend to lower our views of human nature.


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It is not until we realize that our own unclothed sentiments would have a similar disenchanting effect upon others that we grow more charitable. If you wish fully to understand my meaning, try next time you are in mixed society to fancy that not only your words, but also your thoughts are audible to those around, and see if under such circumstances you would care to meet any of those people again.

Happy birds, to whom comes no questioning voice to break their peace; who are conscious of no notes of absurdity mingling with their monotonous strains, and who wake from each short spring-time of love without remorse or disenchantment! Surely some men and women seem more naturally fitted for such brief experiences than for the prolonged and deeper sentiments of life-long devotion. Yet how few natures have risen sufficiently far above their transitory and animal instincts to remain long in this spirit of self-negation.

The first breath of egoism disturbs it; passion degrades it; and before a year of the wished-for eternity is expired, how many may be found secretly regarding the one sane emotion of their lives as an experience of temporary, and yet conventional madness. Growth or deterioration for which alone we are responsible depends upon the rule we welcome, and to which side our will, consciously or unconsciously, inclines us. It was as though from the normal condition of observing all subjects through the medium of frosted glass, some power had for the time removed the obstruction, enabling me to see every object in the clear light of day.

In this condition I fully realized the weakness of Vera's character, and the misery that must necessarily follow. I also felt that whether we married or did not marry, I, having once loved, could only break this bond by selfishness.

Chariot Flesh by Peek Hedley

Then came this question, Was I prepared to suffer all things for her sake? I looked at her, and a feeling of intense pity filled my heart. If you take up this burden you will be dragged into the darkness; your nature will be lowered, your power for good destroyed. I remembered nothing more distinctly, though through the darkness many indistinct pictures flashed before me and vanished ere they were printed on my mind.

At last I heard voices speaking, and opening my eyes, saw Vera and Vancome bending over me. As far as I know, this was the first time that I had fallen into a trance, or as doctors would call it, a state of catalepsy. They both appeared to think that I had fainted, and I did not wish to undeceive them. But the next time we meet I hope to take you into one of them.


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  5. When I began this evening, I had no intention of going so fully into the details of my story, but noticing that the method unconsciously adopted did not weary you, it seemed better to give my experiences in the order in which they occurred. This plan has led, and will probably still lead, me to describe many so-called trivial reminiscences; but as a matter of fact, nothing is trivial, and by striving to confine ourselves to more important subjects, we often miss the tiny thread which might, if followed, have led to some great discovery.

    When, however, I continue my story, I hope to make it more interesting by illustrations. As he said this he took both my hands. In a moment I was plunged in darkness; the room, my companion, everything had vanished; but as I still strained my eyes a faint revolving spark of light became visible.

    This light increased until I found that I was in the presence of a young girl, whom I had little difficulty in recognizing as the Vera of my friend's story. She was standing in a listening attitude, as though some one had called her, and was evidently unconscious of my presence. As I lay watching she turned her face toward me. I shall never forget the revelation of beauty and weakness depicted there; but more quickly than the vision came it vanished, and I heard my host say Come again at the same time as soon as ever you feel inclined. Then I heard the door close, and found myself standing in the cool evening air outside Alan Sydney's house.

    Why did this block occur?

    When I got back to my room I was too excited to sleep. Was there, after all, some incomprehensible meaning in life, a possibility of solving the mystery of existence? I sat for some time thinking; then taking my pen, began to write, and as I wrote it seemed that already my mind was under the influence of a new power, for each sentence Sydney had used came back to me without effort of memory, as if I were writing from some inaudible dictation.

    I felt annoyed the next morning to remember that I had accepted an invitation to dine out that evening, and it would be therefore necessary to postpone seeing Sydney until the following day. I was so interested in what I had heard and seen that it hardly occurred to me to delay my next visit longer than necessary, for he who evidently could read my thoughts would not expect me to restrain my impatience with any feeling of consideration for conventionalities.

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    My entertainment this evening was likely to be a stimulating contrast to that of the previous night. Transon Hall, where I was to dine, may be considered the centre of our circle of social exclusiveness. Into this ring those who moved in inferior orbits at times penetrated, and at times were excluded.

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    Sir James Folker, Baronet, M. Of course, in saying this I refer only to the wealthy part of the community. We have plenty of small squires and farmers whose ancestors have lived here for centuries, but as their present representatives are nearly all too poor to entertain, such impecunious hereditary grandeur is appreciated chiefly by their respective families.

    Sir James is, however, a thoroughly good fellow, well informed, of kindly disposition, and a true sportsman. If he is a trifle overbearing, it is owing chiefly to education. His father was a self-made man, and necessarily had a very exalted appreciation of the dignity attaching to wealth and title. Even a snob, if snobbishness is linked with every association of childhood, may be at heart a gentleman. Life is not long enough to polish off the ugly advertisements which were engraved upon him in youth.

    I arrived at the house rather late, and you may fancy my surprise on looking round the room to see Alan Sydney busily engaged in talking to one of the guests. As you know, I am not often away from home, but there is a reason for my being here to-night. At this moment we were disturbed by the general shuffle which takes place at the announcement of dinner, and I found myself escorting a stranger into the dining-room, who had just been introduced to me as Miss Augusta Smith.

    My companion was neither young nor pretty, but I noticed with relief that she had a bright and interesting face. We sat exactly opposite Sydney, who had on his right Miss Folker, a good-looking girl of about twenty-one, devoted to sport, and on his left Lady Todman, a most energetic widow, whose object in life was to reform the world by means of teetotalism.

    Everything tended to my friend having a somewhat dull time of it, though I noticed a look in his eyes which showed me he was in one of his more lively moods. Lady Todman is not a woman of tact. If all around you are drinking wine, it seems to me hardly good taste to begin a sermon on the eleventh commandment, "Thou shalt not drink. Her companion tasted the sherry thoughtfully before he answered. But let me assure you this wine is very dry; you need have no fear of any ill effects from drinking it.

    I don't mean that," she replied; "I mean that nearly every crime that is committed can be directly or indirectly traced to the use of alcohol. Degradation and misery have there reached such a perfection without the aid of drink that after a month of such experience I can almost fancy any one weeping tears of joy at the sight of an honest drunkard. Seeing Lady Todman turning away in evident disgust, and wishing to know what my friend really thought on the matter, I asked whether the Turks might not possibly be even worse if they added to their other sins the vice of intemperance.

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    That crime is generally associated with drunkenness is true, but that it causes it is unusual, and it is frequently a deterrent. The weakness in a man is sure to find vent through some channel, and I would rather not picture some of the crimes that our drunkards would probably have committed had not the absorption of this attraction turned their thoughts in another direction. Among weak natures and deformed characters we should expect to find both drunkards and criminals of all kinds.

    And nothing you could do would ever stop them. Our host seemed to think this was an unfortunate remark, for I noticed him glance at the butler as he replied, "If they do they soon have to go, I know that. He should be placed under restraint as a temporary lunatic, which he is. But drunkenness is a mere stage in the growth of mankind, and can only work itself out through the lessons of experience.

    To try to prohibit drink is to hinder progress; to say that there is more drunkenness now than formerly, is simply to say that the greater part of our race is considered strong enough to face the temptation. Give a savage as much spirit as he cares for, and he will kill himself in a few months. Our forefathers, in much the same way, though with more caution, used to lie nightly under the dinner-table; but now, among those classes which can afford to drink as much as they like, only persons with hereditary tendencies, or those who are unusually weak go to this extreme either in private or public.

    They have partially learned their lesson. Among the more ignorant there would be ten times the drunkenness if their wages allowed it. If you consider a man, though he starves his wife and children, cannot afford to get hopelessly drunk more than about twice a week; and this is one of the reasons why the poor have taken longer to learn by experience this lesson.

    But they, too, are slowly improving under increased temptations. You always seem to take a view of things from a reversed position. It does not, however, do to keep in that attitude too long, or the blood will flow to your brain. Alcohol is probably one of our greatest gifts if rightly used, and being so, must of necessity be a frightful curse if abused. It is, however, a so-called poison, and must be treated as such; but the poisons of to-day will probably become the nutriment of the future.

    On the other hand, sugar, a splendid food for savages and labourers, is little better than a slow poison to those who neglect exercise. Some day we shall have a new commandment--'Thou shalt not take sweet things. He was a young man of great ability, who had passed through the University, carrying off some of its most coveted prizes. For some years having heard nothing of him, I decided to look him up.

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    I knew that he had been ordained, and, retaining his fellowship, had accepted a quiet living in the country, intending to spend his spare time in literary work. It had surprised me that since then I had heard nothing from him, nor had any book of his been published.

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    I found him a hopeless wreck, and this, in a few words, is what he told me. For some time all went well. He had been brought up not to take wine, and was one of the few teetotallers of his College. His father had died from drink when Hamlin was a boy, and his mother had done all in her power to keep her child from following in the same course. My curacy was in the West End of London, and as the time drew near for me to preach my first sermon, I became hopelessly nervous, feeling that I should break down, or losing all self-control, behave like a lunatic.