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Fifty Shades of Gray: Tsk, tsk, tsk...

As we attempt to manage what life throws us, riding the waves is an apt analogy. Most of us tend to lose sight of the big picture, focusing instead on the looming tsunami of our lives. Bring in the concept of surfing the waves, however, and challenges become manageable. Troubles, of whatever type, do have a natural ebb and flow. After every wave comes a trough.

The power that threatens to sweep us away is replaced by the calm. Watch your anxiety, even timing it with a stopwatch. You zero in on the worry, and it dissipates a bit. Examine your cravings: you must have that Krispy Kreme one moment, and the next minute your mind has moved onto something else. Charting your hunger over the course of two hours shows definite dips and peaks. Allow yourself to vent your anger, or sob through your grief for twenty minutes, and just like the waves, calm rushes in.

Illness wrecks your week, and the next week, everyone is well. Be reassured that after every pounding wave, there is that drift to calm.

Making The World a Safe Place for Girls and Young Women

Sure, sometimes the waves come faster and more furiously than we feel we can stand. Wash your hands, take your vitamins, eat chicken soup, get your flu shot, see your doctor within the first 48 hours of symptoms to try and rein in the toll. One of the most fascinating—and accessible—answers this year has been a study by researchers at the University of Wisconsin. One group exercised, one group was simply observed in their regular lives, and one group took a mindfulness-based meditation course. Anyone can practice mindfulness.

Take time to sit, breathe, rest, practicing being in the moment. Tune into one bodily sensation for just one or two minutes. Or stay tuned for the commercial message: Level I and II mindfulness meditation groups are beginning in my office in the first week of February. We practice mindfulness from the very first session, learning to integrate it into your daily life in a way that works for you.

Women as a whole make Christmas happen, seemingly holding up way more than half the proverbial holiday sky.

Fifty Shades of Grey: Exploring the Dark Sides of Leadership and Followership - Google Books

Yoga class, a daily run, healthy meals, time to sit and breathe, or any other form of hard-sought self-care seems to vanish like snowflakes in Dallas. Mantra 2: You are not alone. Who can enjoy such stress?!! Try another version of one of my favorite mantras: love the kid, hate the job. You can love the end result, and still hate the process that gets your loved ones to that magical Christmas moment.

Meanwhile, just squeeze in twenty seconds for a great big exhale every hour or so. Calms that revved up fight or flight mechanism and brings a teensy bit of sanity. Excess food, excess drink, excess shopping seem to have come to mean Thanksgiving. This year, the shopping tradition became even more antithetical to the true purpose of the holiday, with retailers throwing open their doors as early as 4 pm on Thursday.

I still steered clear, but being in the city, it was hard to avoid traffic. Exhausting, counter-intuitive to the holiday, all this focus on buying seems just plain wrong to me. Whether you share my sentiments or you love and pine for the hustle and triumph of Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, and Cyber Monday, I love that this year there is an antidote: Giving Tuesday. Research is clear that expressing gratitude and acting altruistically is good for us. Tuning into our blessings improves emotional well-being. We handle stress more efficiently.

Jump on the bandwagon today and give to your favorite cause, while boosting your own psyche, preparing yourself to handle the onslaught of holiday stress that began last week. Share a link to your favorite cause in the comment section below. Thanks, mom! Such energy, such determination, such inspiring plans! For a scant two decades of life, you sure are cocky.

'Fifty Shades of Grey' stars on the 'task' of filming steamy scenes

You are beginning to believe that you are beautiful. All a recipe for cocky certainty. The perfect life, defined by boxes to be checked off, is one you feel certain to build. Certain you will finish the current psychology degree and the next, to take you on your chosen path of meaningful, yet financially stable work.

Work that will make a difference in the lives of others yet still allow that ever-important flexible mom schedule. Certain you can build a relationship with the ideal loving man and establish a home for children, another way you plan to contribute to the world. Certain that if you do all this in the Right Order: finish school and training, snag the guy, launch the career, then and only then produce that yearned for grand-baby; your life will be perfect.

You will be happy. Parents proud. You will be in control. I bite my tongue to stop the inevitable tsk, tsk from escaping my head. You are twenty and know it all! Most days, you simply, whole-heartedly, are certain fairy tales come true. Allow that belief to carry you far, quieting those doubts that bubble up in the still night hours, dark-thirty.

Because even as you barrel on, the ruts of doubt deepen, parallel paths that die hard.

FROZEN BUT IT'S LIKE 50 SHADES OF GREY

From a quarter century later, I see the undercurrent to your bravado, hidden depths of worry, doubt, full-fledged anxiety. Lovable enough? Do you matter enough? Drink and dance hard, do your homework, flirt with boys.


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Charm the professors, call home once a week, volunteer for the crisis hotline. Be on time, shelve stacks of library books, save your money. Be the good girl, do what smart girls do, and maybe that will be enough to fill those ruts, dam that undercurrent. Control is an illusion, my dear. Dreams come true. Yet, like constantly shifting clouds, the only certainty is that the dream morphs.

You envision one prince charming; another is, in fact, the one you need. You imagine constantly adoring and adored children; the vehemence that can fly both ways at 2 and 13 is horrifying. Surrendering to reality equates to loss. You are certain surrender looks like this: pain, suffering, anxiety to be feared:.

When in fact, surrender looks like this:.