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It has been a tremendous, yet tumultuous journey for me. The good news is I see her as my equal, and even my superior in many regards. She is not perfect.
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By Sandra Tsing Loh.

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Going through the menopause in a house with two preteen daughters has been hormonally challenging for Sandra Tsing Loh. Imagine our shock when she screamed and hurled the dish against the wall'. One Tuesday afternoon, driving to pick up my daughters from school, I find my mind drifting to dinner and remember that I promised that tonight would be Make Your Own Pizza. My feeling of flatness gives way suddenly to dramatic gloom.

I park and start sobbing. I am a year-old woman sitting in her filthy Volvo parked under a tree wailing about a hamster. I find myself calling my friend Ann and, barely able to get the words out, tell her about my sorrow over the hamster and this sudden, violent stab of mid-afternoon midlife malaise.

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I can barely keep food in the fridge and my daughters in underwear. I thought I was going mad! Of course the problem with the menopause is forgetfulness. All I notice is that I am sort of depressed. Every morning I wake up feeling as though something — this nameless weight — is sitting on my chest, gradually pressing the breath out of me.

Was this what was going on with her? I was 11 when my mother was the age I am today and that was when things started to go, well, weird. She was a 5ft 11in Valkyrie who wore an apron in the kitchen, a white skirt on the tennis court, and a shiny Pucci-like dress and heavy amber jewellery to visit the butcher. We children witnessed only a sudden cataclysmic shift. For ten years mum had been standing cheerfully in the kitchen in her yellow apron, drying the dishes. Suddenly, overnight, she is hurling them.

My sister and I bought her a rectangular Pyrex baking dish because we knew how much she loved to bake and the old metal one was rusty.

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Imagine our shock when, for no apparent reason, she screamed and hurled the dish against the wall. Then, as with many subsequent episodes, she disappeared into her bedroom — curtains drawn, door locked. But how deeply cathartic it must have been to hurl an object that actually had heft! Remember those old black dial phones with the cord? Who throws an iPhone? I do not begrudge my mother the odd Pyrex toss. She did all her mothering uncomplainingly in a context of zero career fulfilment and a marriage only barely made possible by the fact that she and my dad slept at opposite ends of the house.

But I could not explode like that at my children because.


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I am way too worried about damaging their feelings of security. Parenting has changed since the s and that means that the menopause has changed too. The bad news that follows is: we are not allowed to have gothic moods during the menopause, any more than we were allowed to have cigarettes and martinis during pregnancy. I will have to manage my menopause without hurling things. Having two preteen daughters living in my house is like having a plate-glass window into which two birds are constantly flying — smack! Piercing screams come from the bedrooms over ever-new crises.

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I along with many of my cohort birthed my brood in my late 30s and early 40s. So we are the first generation blessed with the task of guiding our daughters through wild hormonal fluctuations while going through our own. I had the ability to type coherent text into my computer while around me my children were shouting.

While I love my nine- and year-old daughters, these days, as I continue to hot flush more and more, there are times when I find it hard to bear the sound of their voices. I pick them up after school and am newly stunned by how quickly my tween daughters speak, how loudly and at what an incredibly high pitch. Dinner is worse. Angelou has chronicled her remarkable journey and inspired people of every generation and nationality to embrace life with commitment and passion.

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