Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up

What does it really mean to be a grown up in today's world? We assume that once we "get it together" with the right job, marry the right person, have children.
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Apr 02, Nick rated it it was amazing Shelves: What a horrible title for an excellent book. Great food for thought and encouragement for people who suspect or have discovered that the mainstream path laid out for us is unsatisfying and lacking. I made notes, highlighted and underlined so much in this book, there is little that I did not find applicable or noteworthy. Jun 08, Jay rated it liked it. A woman was asked by her therapist, "How come, despite these voices you hear , you are generally in a good mood? Oct 18, MGMaudlin rated it it was amazing Shelves: Another deep and wise book by Jame Hollis that should be measured by the number of equivalent therapy sessions to receive the same number of insights into your soul: In other words, reading this book will save you a lot of money as well as rescue your middle age soul--a bargain.

The key concept is to truly grow up, stop living through or in reaction to others whether partners, family members, or others we have become neurotically linked to , establish yo Another deep and wise book by Jame Hollis that should be measured by the number of equivalent therapy sessions to receive the same number of insights into your soul: The key concept is to truly grow up, stop living through or in reaction to others whether partners, family members, or others we have become neurotically linked to , establish your own personal authority and a mature spirituality that allows you to face and work through the suffering inherent to life.

What can I do to prevent this in the future?

Like I said, Hollis runs deep and he takes you on a journey well worth the effort. Of the two, I would recommend this later version as the better presentation of this material. But both are excellent. I will probably be reading them annually. Aug 26, Agatha Glowacki rated it liked it. Very dense and psychological, full of lovely quotes and references. A lot of Jung. Good reminders that resonated deeply. And if the risk isn't taken, the meaning of life is somehow violated - Jung Humbling wisdom and tragic sense of life Wound of overwhelmment Wound of insufficiency Trauma of overwhelment leads to learned response of accommodation.

We ignore our inner life -learning to find ones truth requires su Very dense and psychological, full of lovely quotes and references. We ignore our inner life -learning to find ones truth requires suffering the anxiety aroused by acting in more consciously in integrity, and tolerating the assault of the anxiety driven "guilt" thereafter - draw of old pattern of powerlessness Insufficiency- respond by overcompensating.

Breaking tyranny of addiction requires one to feel the pain that the addiction defends against The ego wishes comfort, security, satiety; the soul demands meaning, struggle, becoming. Greatest addictions of our time are television and food Aug 30, Hillary Anderson rated it it was amazing. Truly an amazing book but have your dictionary ready. Hollis has a vocabulary that will have you hopping. It has been a long time since I read this book but it really opened up my eyes to what it means to develop as an adult. Our culture has given lots of attention to human development UNTIl adulthood but not much to what it means to live a life full of meaning and authenticity embracing all aspects of what it means to be human.

Our culture is hyper-focuses on finding 'happiness', comfort an Truly an amazing book but have your dictionary ready. Our culture is hyper-focuses on finding 'happiness', comfort and security. Most of us are ill-equipped for the inevitable challenges, heartbreaks and losses.

I highly highly recommend this book if you are interested in diving deep into what it means to be evolved. Apr 05, L. I really should have reviewed this as soon as I read it - I actually read it last month and have had it in my "needs reviewed" pile ever since. That being said, this is a good, all-purpose, general guide for anyone middle-aged who is open to the possibility that their true crisis might be a spiritual one.

A solid pick for collections where this sort of thing is popular public libraries that also serve university populations, large urban areas, etc. Feb 08, Joshua Lawson rated it it was amazing Shelves: To say that the message of this book was timely for me is an understatement. I listened to it on audio but will be getting a hard copy and reading it again as soon as I can--it's just that good.

At the same time, though, I can see how some people might just pass it by, or write off its content as so much psycho-babble.

How to Finally, Really Grow Up

To each his own, I suppose. The author did such an excellent job of drawing out the meaning of the inner life, in particular the experience of its "second half," that I found myse To say that the message of this book was timely for me is an understatement. The author did such an excellent job of drawing out the meaning of the inner life, in particular the experience of its "second half," that I found myself charged with fresh vision and verging on tears at the end. I'm sure brother Jung would be proud.

May 18, Ali rated it it was amazing. Jun 01, Degan Walters rated it it was amazing Shelves: Excellent reason for anyone in or approaching the second half of life. I have read through it twice already and ordered a copy to mark up. Highly recommended and highly readable, in spite of some of the deep Jungian ideas, as Hollis weaves his own and others' anecdotes throughout. May 13, Dana rated it it was amazing.

I will definitely pull it from the shelf again! It deserves more than one go through! Oct 08, John A rated it it was amazing. Very helpful book for those looking to make changes during the middle passage of life. Hollis provides some much needed Jungian perspective and helps you ask the right questions of yourself. Oct 18, Bernie Taylor rated it it was amazing. Hollis presents a brilliant approach to that phase of life before the great mystery. Bernie Taylor - Before Orion: Finding the Face of the Hero. Mar 18, Sippy rated it really liked it Shelves: Much of it I found wise and resonated with me.

Some of it I could have done without. Could still recommend it for the profound wisdom oozing out in several chapters of this book Apr 15, Kim rated it it was amazing. This book was more than an eye-opener. It was a soul opener.

What could be psychologically complicated is broken down clearly where one can see what needs to be done …. The trick is to see that what one wants is what we have been conditioned to want in childhood and projecting those wants onto others. We have to look into our selves into our own dark closet to find what IS it that we ourselves want and why do we want it.

So the crises in later life, via children growing up and moving beyond our influence s themselves, divorce, job loss, etc. I was struck and humored by the two grinning gremlins at the foot of the bed: Fear is what keeps us from being ourselves in the face of what others will judge us on. Lethargy is the putting off of what one needs and can do, in that we fear again the unknown possibility of what could be —becoming who we are on our own terms- if we just take the risk, chance and opportunity to do so!

The end of the book make it clear: This is part of the unconscious conditioning we experience in childhood: Once we are, life becomes less stressful and we can easily forgive and share with others the greatest asset: Again, it just clearly clarified further what I had read and understood in the other books. It also helps to be familiar with the stories and analogies presented in the book, but one still gets the gist of the points made. There are no discussion topics on this book yet.

Jung - the eminent Swiss psychiatrist , and author of eleven books.

Books by James Hollis. Living an Examined Life: Wisdom for the Second Half of the Journey. Understanding Our Darker Selves. Living Your Unlived Life: The Second Half of Life: Opening the Eight Gates of Wisdom. Kindle Edition File Size: Avery 5 May Sold by: Customers who viewed this item also viewed. Share your thoughts with other customers. Write a product review. There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later.

Kindle Edition Verified Purchase. One person found this helpful. Most helpful customer reviews on Amazon. This is the third book I read by Hollis, a Jungian psychoanalyst who specialises in the so-called middle passage, psychological true maturity and individuation. Hollis has the virtue to have me to stop and wow quite often, and this book was not different.

Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life engaged my head and my soul, spoke to me and my hunger for transcending reality as imposed to me by gender, age, and cultural constrictions. Because Hollis is a former academic with a background in Humanities who became a trained Jungian therapist later on in life, his writing is colourful, literary, sophisticated and very polished. His discourse goes from the mundane to the philosophical and the spiritual, and he does so in depth, without the usual psycho-babble you find elsewhere in pop-psychology these days.

If you have a good level of education or self-education, are familiar with Jungian terminology and Jungian approach to the psyche, and love reading books by people who preach by example, this is your book. On the one hand, in this book Hollis does not provide you with any shortcut, or present a rosy view of anything, especially of your future in you decide to stay right where you are, doing what you do. Hollis debunks romantic love, traditional family, professional success, consumerism, pop ideologies, the many obsessions and addictions of our daily life the obsession with health, youth and media included , New Age and herd behaviour, and does so without bitterness.

His definition of soul as psyche, his emphasis on the power of myths and symbols for the well-being of society and the healthiness of the psyche, his castigation of major religions as not really spiritual, among other pearls, might be controversial.


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He tells us that the middle passage will only be successful after going through our suffering and finding out from where it originates, burying our old set of values and ways of being, and giving birth to others that are more in tune with our soul's desire. We have to stop playing the victim, and assign a positive spin to our life dramas and moments of despair.

Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life by James Hollis | leondumoulin.nl

This book is a call to listening to our deep calling, to taking responsibility for our own life, and to moving past our repetitive patterns of behaviour and personal history. Each person has a journey that is personal to them,so there is no cookie cutter to cut the fat, we have to de-construct our false self ourselves. Feeling good or getting comfort is not the aim of the advice in this book, nor is numbing your pain, but the aim of enlarging your life and reaching wholeness. Without the suffering, the non-suffering is taken for granted, so suffering has a function, it allows us to grow up and appreciate things more.

According to Hollis, the two major tasks of the grown-up-to-be aren't getting money, position, possessions or medication, they are: The quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone. Everything Hollis wants to say is, "If you do not like your life, change it, but stop blaming others, for even if they did hurt you, you are the one who has been making the choices of adulthood.

TOUGH LOVE Hollis has a great compassion towards human suffering, it is tuned to the needs and troubles that one faces when crisis strike in adulthood, because he has been there himself. However, because he's a depth analyst, he won't tell us what we want to hear in if we have depression, anxiety, desperation, a marital crisis, empty-nest syndrome, a professional crisis, and so on.

He tell us what we need to know, so we get something out of our pain through your pain, become ourselves, dare to show our self to the world, and become the individual who our soul always wanted us to be: The most important one, to me, is: I think this is important because it doesn't focus on the world out there, the image we project of ourselves, our achievements, how successful we are, how many houses, cars or jewels we own, but on how we feel inside. Hollis is perfectly aware that most people haven't the means, economical or other, to have therapy or psychoanalysis, even if they need it and want to.

On the other hand, psychological blocks are usually black points in our eye that we cannot see because they are right in the middle of the eye. That demands the help of a therapist, analyst or coach. I understand that Hollis doesn't want to provide a cookie cutter of an answer for anybody who is suffering from a personal crisis or wants to enlarge their lives, but I would have appreciated he making an effort, because, after all, he is a therapist and has the tools.

It is true that the book has some suggestions about questions to ask ourselves to start a inner dialogue, but they cannot be answered if you are blocked, and some of them are too philosophical for the average John and Jane to be answered. Many people will buy this book because they were expecting practical help, but many of them won't have the intellectual holders to grab everything that Hollis throws at us. I hope that his forthcoming book will be more hands down and address the lack of practical advice that some might find in this book.

It presupposes that we have a certain life span on this planet, that half way there we have a crisis, or that most of us have a grow-up spur at around the same age. I have said it before, my grandma died as an elderly lady at 48 years of age, so her middle age was 24 and she was probably in a corner by then having no way to go and unhappy to the core; there are women and men on this planet, right now, still living that way.

On the other hand, a period that goes from 35 to 90y.

Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up

Hollis asks, in a series of spiritually and psychologically probing questions that open the book, "Why is the life you are living too small for the soul's desire? Living within a constricted view of our journey, and identifying with old defensive strategies, we unwittingly become the enemies of our own growth, our own largeness of soul, through our repetitive history-bound choices. Why do we keep wearing shoes that are too small? One reason lies in our belief in "the false self" which encompasses "the values and strategies we have derived from internalizing the dynamics of our family and our culture.

There may be a depression, often treated relatively inexpensively by medication, but not treated deeply or thoroughly. There may be a problem with addiction, or an awareness of psychological complexes. In the chapter on "The Dynamics of Intimate Relationship" Hollis discusses romantic love and marriage. It is a fairly bleak discussion of something that is supposed to bring us great happiness and fulfillment but is all too often filled with fantasy, complexes, transference, projection, and the desire to find the "magical other" or the person "who will truly understand us, take care of us, meet our needs, repair the wounds, and We live in a world that idealizes romantic love; indeed, we believe it can fulfill many of our needs, especially those in life's first half when it is only natural to want to have a partner and family, to fulfill ourselves in our careers, and to work for something greater than our individual selves.

However, Hollis contends that we place a greater emphasis on the importance of the romantic relationship than it can fulfill.