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Slowly a world is unlocked to you as you move from decoding a story to coming along for the ride. You find yourself flicking to the back of the book over and over again just to calculate how many pages you have left. The pile of books at your bedside table calls to you.

But for some reason, you keep struggling on.

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Part of this is the sunk-cost fallacy. When I have already invested so much time into a book walking away suddenly means that time is wasted. So, to avoid this loss, we waste more time and more and more to justify the time we had already spent. We can see there are pages remaining and maybe there is wisdom in those final thoughts that would make the previous weeks entirely justified. Why must we follow something bad all the way to the end on the off-chance it might turn good?

At some point it becomes a calculation of ego. But the novel that exposes the triviality and hypocrisy of middle-class life, together with the impossibility of its transcendence, is so commonplace that it has become nihilistic. Everything is shit, it says, and now that everyone understands this and can give a cynical rather than a pious account of our actions, we go on doing the same shit. Modesta has a chance to unlock them; she does not take it.


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The father is gone for good. Her bosom, St. All this before Modesta has reached the age of eighteen, and the book a tenth of its length. What kind of teachings are these? After Modesta has left the convent, Beatrice, a young princess, seduces her with a game of wet nurse and baby. Like playing an instrument, dancing or woodworking.


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    8. The practical comment, delivered matter-of-factly, embodies the common-sense attitude toward sex, and personal development, that runs throughout the book. An incestuous aura enfolds many of the sexual relationships. Modesta sleeps not only with Carmine but also, later, with his son Mattia, who goes on to live with but, in another unconventional turn, not to marry the daughter of his half-sister Beatrice—in other words, his niece. She has a knack for canny, sometimes violent gambles.

    It all works beautifully. Modesta wins the benefits of marriage—money, a title, and a cover for her indecencies—and avoids any of the burden. Just eighteen, she has engineered for herself a handful of rare freedoms: liberty without loneliness, money without work, and sex with whomever she wants.

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    Her interests are as polymorphously perverse as her desires, and her lovers seem chosen partly for their ability to school her in radical thought. Alongside her own children flourish those of the groundskeeper, the servant, and the nurse. Her children and her lovers alike often marvel at her beauty and, into her middle age, her youthfulness. Joy is not a stranger to pain.

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    We may not feel deeply enough to know joy unless our hearts have been hollowed out by sorrow. A heart may not be big enough to know real joy until it has been stretched and pulled by trials and hard things. As missionaries go out to serve, they taste the same mixture of emotions almost every day. The deeper their joy in the message and the more intense their desire to share it, the greater their sorrow when it is rejected. Often when the scriptures talk about joy and sorrow, they are referring to missionary work.

    If a missionary has had a largely pain-free existence to this point, perhaps the experience of deep joy still lies ahead. One missionary who described premission life as being pretty easy told about teaching a discussion in which the whole family, especially the father, was very responsive. She was trying to help me make the best of a telestial world, much as an aunt of President Ezra Taft Benson — did many years ago in Whitney, Idaho. Seeds were scarce, and she had just finished planting her peas when she looked out the kitchen window to see a rooster going down the row, scratching out her peas, and eating them.

    She ran outside, grabbed him, chopped off his head, opened him up, took out her peas, replanted them, and cooked him for supper. Making friends with mission mortality means accepting slammed doors and canceled appointments, the blazing sun or freezing cold. You think of President Hinckley, who has the weight of the world on his shoulders, and try to stay as positive as he is. Missionaries may not wake up each morning bursting with joy, but they are out the door on time anyway. Missionaries choose effort over ease. They choose the sorrow of rejection without losing the hope of bringing people to Christ.

    Serving a mission is a choice, and every elder and sister can choose to make that mission glorious.

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    Joy is not about having things. Not focusing on money, earning it or spending it, is one of the blessings of a mission. The things of God replace the things of the world. Missionaries who ask their parents not to send extra money, who want to live on what their leaders say is adequate, have the best missions. Joy is not about being in the limelight. It is about changing lives, one at a time. When my husband was president of the New Jersey Morristown Mission, a struggling elder confided in me.

    The rest of the time he was just homesick and discouraged. He was up and down, up and down. Reading was a challenge; he could not seem to learn the discussions. But on his last night as a missionary, he wept in gratitude for those two months. We soon learned, not from him, that a miracle had occurred. The two missionaries had read the entire Book of Mormon together. Our struggling elder could now teach the first two discussions, and he never talked about going home again.

    When they came to see us after our mission was over, they came together.

    Missionaries can strengthen and be strengthened by every companion. A measuring tape is not on the list of missionary supplies. Comparing is measuring, and it destroys joy. Joy is not about looks or personality or a fluent tongue. It is about having the image of God in your countenance and the power of God in your testimony.