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But as we know this is far easier said than done. I will use my current concern as an example — 6 months ago I was out at a social gathering where we all overdid it on the alcohol front and I ended up waking in my car at a filling station. Bad I know and even the average person would thank their lucky stars that they were not dead or in jail.

They would also likely learn from the incident and move on. I like to think of myself as a good person and I am respected and liked by my peers — I realize I have made a mistake like everyone does. Constant fear. Searching newpapera for hit and runs of the night. Logic dictates that if my car had no damage or evidence of a collision and I myself was unscathed- nothing happened. Not in my brain. Second to this worry is the fear of having contracted HIV without even knowing if I had intercourse.

I am not sure if you recieve any similar mails? I do believe we all make mistakes. I am just desperate for a method of moving forward and continuing my life without the fear of impending disaster constantly eating away at me. Hi Nick, This article was written for you. You have a real life event that you are not proud of, but now it has taken on a life of its own with obsessions and compulsions.

Sharing my thoughts with the world from a Particular Baptist perspective

You are very clear about the compulsions you engage in. I am curious to know if you have started working to eliminate these certainty-seeking compulsions, as this would be a very wise step. Sit with uncertainty about what may have happened. The events of that night are completely non-provable, and that is why OCD loves it so much. You can be on a lifelong search to find out what happened and that you did not do something horrible that will destroy your life, or you can decide that you will never get to know and start living your life today.

I am trying my best to eliminate the rituals and sometimes I can. So to make the transition is not going to be easy but I suppose if I keep on trying it will hopefully become easier.

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I am trying my absolute best. Is there any specific methods that you may have that I could use?

The reason I am replying to you is that I have had similar experience, and in my case it was much more recent. But everything else is the same as yours: like you, I lead a good life, very ashamed of my lapse of judgment, no evidence that anything happened, yet a constant nagging feeling that everything I worked for will be taken away. Ultimately the only thing to do is to accept uncertainty. If you provide me your email we can PM each other. Thoughts and feelings are not problems.

Anything that comes into your mind about the incident is just a thought. Your brain will still react and tell you all kinds of things, but you must take the leap of faith and sit with uncertainty. It will still feel intense and scary for awhile because the OCD brain will try to convince you to do certainty-seeking compulsions.

Brian ONeill's Random Thoughts: Charting PagerDuty Incidents over Time (using pandas)

There is hope if you get the right kind of treatment. Hi Stacey! The issue of false memories have been particularly frustrating for me. In fact I think my therapist actually gave me more reassurance which in retrospect was probably not helpful. During college my HOCD came back with a vengeance, and it was extremely debilitating. This particular issue has been so perplexing to me I even based my senior thesis on it and I presented my paper of the effects of false memories on OCD symptoms to my Cognition Senior Seminar class.

Anyway I was wondering that if people with this obsession ever gain confidence in their memories again?

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Hi Gabi, Thanks for your comments. It is not that you do not have confidence in your memories. No other person has more certainty about their memories than you do. It is just the OCD brain that is oversensitive to this uncertainty and makes it seem important to trust your memories.

The scary, intrusive thoughts you can only confess to a search engine

Try to label any desire to remember with certainty as the OCD brain lying to you. During my hit-and-run phase, I really did call the police on myself. Unfortunately my worse theme is me having done something in my past and being arrested, bad, losing my family, job, etc. I feel that this is serious and not OCD. I am at a loss at this point.


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Your article was helpful, but once again, I question if it pertains to my situation. When I read about something in the news regarding a person being arrested for a crime 15 years ago, it sends my anxiety through the roof. I just am not sure what to do at this point. Hi Kellie, If you are experiencing obsessions and compulsions about any topic and having extreme and daily distress, this is a red flag you are suffering from OCD.

It is not exactly clear from your post, but I think you are saying you either did do something in your past or you worry that you may have done something in your past, but either way you can have OCD compulsions in response in an effort to control your thoughts and anxiety. What would be the harm in treating it like OCD and stopping the rituals?

Thankyou so much for writing this. Without realising ive always had ocd and thought in this way.

However it only really affected me once i started suffering from low mood. I found myself trailing back through memories and found a certain real life event from when i was younger that horrified me. This was where my ocd latched onto it and the rituals, rehearsing, replaying and seeking view points from others began.

Always Thinking Something Bad is Going to Happen? Here’s Why

All these things seemed like they were helping but 4 months later and i have fed the ocd so much. I wrongly targeted that event and it kind of went away but then something else came along and then something else after that. So now ive realised i need to challenge my ocd and thought process and not these events!!! I regret making them into something but i cant change that now and in a way im glad because its made me realise that i cant keep trying to find certainty.

My question is though that ive stopped ruminating about events so much but i feel like im blocking them out when they come. This is helpful in terms of my ocd but my mood is affected as its tiring. Im trying to combat it with focusing on external things like exercise, career and diet. But its just so hard blocking things constantly. I understand mindfulness but it scares me to let thoughts in as ill start replaying them again??? Hi Tom, Thank you for your comments. You really explained your realizations well and seem to have a true understanding of what you need to do.

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Eventually you will habituate to them, although the goal is accept what shows up each moment. Rituals make you worse, mindfulness helps you cope, and exposure gets you better. Stacey thanks for a great article. I have had OCD for over thirty years. Yes they are about real life events.