Manual Coming out of the Shell

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To become more outgoing. Usually said of a shy or introverted person. Wow, Anna has really come out of her shell lately. I remember when she wouldn't even.
Table of contents

Don't let one social mistake keep you from trying in the future. Part 3 of Position yourself as approachable.


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Part of coming out of your shell is making people want to talk to you. You may be surprised to hear that people might think that you're stuck up or rude just because you're so shy that you can't even begin to think about giving people positive affirmation. This can change today. The next time someone comes up to you or starts talking to you, give that person a big smile, stand with your posture straight and your arms at your sides, and enthusiastically ask that person how he or she is doing.

It takes practice to start looking friendly when you're used to retreating into your shell, but you can make it work. You can be approachable and look engaged even if you're shy.

Try It Out

If you just hang back and stare at the floor, people might forget that you're there. Try repeating a few key ideas from a conversation as the basis for your own contribution. Ask people open-ended questions. Once you're having a conversation with people, a great default mode is to ask them a few simple questions, whether it's about themselves, their plans, or whatever it is that they are talking about.

Asking questions is also a lower-pressure form of social interaction because you won't be talking about yourself as much, but will be showing interest and will move the conversation forward. You don't have to ask the person a million questions or sound like a detective and make him or her uncomfortable; just ask a friendly question when there's a lag in the conversation. This is a good way to start. Start sharing things about yourself. Once you get more comfortable with the people you're talking to, or even with your friends, then you can slowly start to open up. You shouldn't share your deepest, darkest secrets first, obviously, but you can slowly reveal things little by little.

Take the pressure off. Tell a funny story about one of your teachers. Show people a cute picture of Muffins, your pet rabbit. If someone talks about his trip to Vegas, talk about the awkward family trip you once took there. Baby steps are the key. You can even start sharing a bit by saying, "Me too," or "I know exactly what you mean.


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    8. One time I Even sharing silly anecdotes or small details can get you ready to come out of your shell more. As people give you positive affirmation for what you say, you'll be more likely to keep opening up. You don't have to be the first person to share something slightly person.

    Coming out of one’s shell 7 Little Words

    Wait for a few other people to open up first. Though talking about yourself incessantly is obviously rude, it can also be seen as rude to be completely closed off. If a person is sharing a lot with you, and all you say is "Uh-huh Master small talk. There's nothing small about small talk. Many great friendships and relationships have started after a conversation about the weather or the local sports team.

    Some people say, "I don't do small talk" because they think it's superficial and a waste of time, but being able to make low-pressure simple conversation with new people is a building block to getting to know them on a deeper level. Small talk actually gives people the chance to socialize by using topics that aren't too personal.

    When people first meet each other, they decide what information to share of themselves that they would consider "safe" information.

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    Small talk provides lots of opportunity to share safe information while taking small steps forward to establish trust. To make small talk, you just have to know how to make a person comfortable, politely ask questions, share something about yourself, and to keep up a steady flow of conversation. Use new people's names in conversation. This will make them feel like they matter to you. Use cues to start a conversation. If the person is wearing a 49ers hat, you can ask if that's his favorite sports team, or how he became a fan.

    You can make a simple statement followed by a question. For example, you can say, "Man, the rain kept me in all weekend. I had to help my mom out with a bunch of chores. How about you? Did you do anything more exciting? Work on reading people. Reading people is a social skill that can help you make better conversation and to come out of your shell. Having a sense of whether a person is excited and ready to talk or distracted or in a bad mood can help you figure out what to talk about -- or whether or not you should talk to the person at all. Understanding group dynamics is a must, too; does the group of people have a ton of inside jokes and have more difficulty accepting outsiders, or are the people up for anything?

    This can help you figure out how much to put yourself out there. If someone is smiling and walking slowly like she has no place to go, then yeah, she'd rather talk to you than someone who is sweating bullets, furiously scrolling through his text messages, or walking a mile a minute. Focus on the moment. When you're talking to people, focus on what is happening: the nature of the conversation, the expression on the person's face, what everyone in the conversation is contributing, and so on.

    Don't fret about what you said five minutes ago or about what you'll say in five minutes when you have a chance to step in with a comment.

    Coming Out of My Plastic Shell | Lenny Letter

    Remember the part about letting go of your self-consciousness? Well, that applies not only to your everyday thoughts, but especially to your mindset during a conversation. If you're too busy worrying about everything you've said or will say, then you'll be less likely to pay attention or to make a meaningful contribution to the conversation.

    If you're distracted or nervous, other people will be able to tell.

    If you notice yourself getting really distracted or worried about the conversation while you're having it, then count your in and out breaths to yourself until you've counted to 10 or 20 without losing the thread of the conversation, of course! This should make you more aware of the moment and less obsessed over the other details.

    Part 4 of Start saying "yes" and stop with the excuses. If you want to make a habit of coming out of your shell, then it's not just about mastering your social game in the moment. It's about making a habit of hanging out with people, attending new events, and keeping your social life active.

    Coming out of a shell and making it natural

    You may say no to things because you're afraid of social situations, don't want to feel awkward if you don't know enough people at the event, or because you'd just rather hang out by yourself than with other people. Well, the excuses stop today. The next time someone asks you to do something, ask yourself if you're just saying no out of fear or laziness, and not for a legitimate reason.

    You don't have to say yes to going to the "bug lover's" club of the random girl in your homeroom or to absolutely everything you're asked to do. Just make a goal of saying yes more often. You can do that. Extend more invitations. Part of coming out of your shell isn't just accepting to do what others want to do, but to start planning your own stuff, too. If you want to be known as a more social person, and one who is willing to put him or herself out there, then you should be the one to take the initiative some of the time.

    Even if you're just inviting people over to order pizza and watch Scandal, or asking a friend from class to go grab a cup of coffee, you'll be known as a person who has stuff going on.


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