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At first, you might know only that something is bothering you.

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But if you sit with it long enough, it will start to become clear. In , I gave a workshop at a prison in Louisiana. The place was like a modern-day slave plantation; all the prisoners were black. This was in the heat of summer, and there were about sixty men in the workshop. You wrote me personally one time. I was very proud of my humility. For a couple of weeks after I left that place, something was wrong in every one of my meditations.

I had no idea what it was. I began to feel worse and worse, as though I had sinned against this man. I soon came to realize that my professional modesty was a completely self-centered reaction. I should have made him the center of the experience. It was important for this man in that Louisiana prison to express his admiration for someone who had helped him turn his life around, and I should have let him have that experience. Instead, I cut him down. And that was wrong. Because of that, I vowed never to go into a prison again until I was mature enough to allow people to express their appreciation, admiration, affection, and gratitude without worrying about what it meant for me.

So I spent three years in retreat because of that one instance. You did something wrong.


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Those three years of retreat were the hardest of my life. I had no energy. Had I been in a mainstream career, people would have pushed me to take Prozac. But I recognized that a very important spiritual development was occurring, and I needed to follow it to its conclusion. Jensen: Tell me about your prison work. What exactly do you do? All those things are important, but they ignore the spiritual side. Even the most well-meaning people these prisoners have ever known have only encouraged them to earn GED s and take vocational training, things that might somehow help them win their release.

What Sita and I are really doing is training and recruiting spiritual activists. For us, spirituality is not about gazing at your navel. The practical expression of any spiritual practice is what you do that helps the people around you. If prisoners are in open populations, I encourage them to become mentors.

Why not? Lozoff: Of the prisons of our own making.

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The book also offers a series of practices to help people change and become deeper. And about half the text consists of my correspondence with prisoners in every kind of situation you can imagine. I prayed for the ability to express affection. It really hurt me that I still held back a little bit. I had the dedication, compassion, and commitment, but I really wanted to feel straight-out affection.

Now, when I hug prisoners, I often kiss them on the cheek, just as I do my son. And they deeply appreciate that. We respect the fact that prisoners are deep people, and we help them learn what that means and how to act like the deep people they already are. We believe in them and are happy to know them. One of my chief assistants at Kindness House started living on the streets in Alabama when he was twelve. He was a drug addict, completely dysfunctional, crazed, violent. When he was seventeen, he was sentenced to life in an adult prison.

He escaped after a couple of years, killed a man in a drug-related robbery, and was again sentenced to life. He was forty when he got out. And just seeing him every day in his new life is a gift. This is a guy who started out on the streets with little chance of surviving. How many people get to see such a transformation? I know that, in my own experience, for there to be any sort of real growth, something usually has to die.

For example, when I really started to understand the destructiveness of this culture, I went through a period in which I broke down crying every day. Lozoff: People are always afraid to go into depression or grief. The greatest spiritual problem of our age is the widespread belief that we need to sedate our depression instead of working our way through it.

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There was a time in the sixties when I did a lot of LSD. I went through a year of real mental imbalance, but some part of me knew that if I stopped taking LSD too soon, I would remain unstable for a long time, if not the rest of my life. Several times, my wife and brother thought they might have to institutionalize me, but, as scary as it was, I knew I had to see it all the way through. The key is to remember that pain is not meaningless. How do you know whether the thing you hate is leading you in the right direction?

But you guess. And the reason you want to maintain a wholesome life — a good diet, spiritual practice, good works — is so that your guesses will have a little bit greater chance of being right. First, a small hint that you should get out. Jensen: This reminds me of a time in my early twenties, when I was getting my science degree.

I was very unhappy, and I developed the theory that increased awareness means decreased happiness. Then I had a dream in which I saw some baby cranes taking off and crashing, taking off and crashing. Why do you do it? He can hardly say ten words without breaking into laughter.

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I think we miss the point again and again with our stereotypes of how a spiritual person is supposed to act. Because our essential nature is not unhappy. Our essential nature is quietly joyful. Although we may have to push through valleys of unhappiness, if we keep going, we will eventually arrive at this essential nature, which is fearless, joyful — and productive.

And one of the things it means is to have simple joy. It should be pointed out that an unconscious metaphysical assumption about the way the universe exists is implicit in the idea that there can be one theory that covers the whole universe. In excluding consciousness from their Theory of Everything, it is as if corporatized physicists are saying that consciousness is not a phenomenon that is part of the whole universe.

In this state of inner dis-association from a part of themselves, they are keeping contradictory viewpoints apart from each other, separated by a watertight partition, a mental firewall.