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Accept Close. But crucial to this understanding is, of course, that there is hope. A lot of work, but hope nevertheless. Thank you! I disagree with what you say. I have suffered all types of childhood abuse and beyond. People and scenery change but abuse attaches itself to us for good. No, we don't "look unconsciously" for abusers. They hunt for anything they can get, and we are unsecured, visible, and easy prey.
Predators are not too picky. I never blamed myself. But the damage to personality abuse causes is unrepairable. It's deep and fundamental.
It's not what I can consciously see and process, it's what I am unaware of is a problem. If someone loved me during my lifetime, there would be a small chance something to heal. I was physically unattractive. No, I am not exaggerating; some people are unlucky.
Although attractiveness doesn't guarantee love either, it increases chances. There was only one who thought differently. Nevertheless, he hurt me the most. Perhaps because I value too much any half-kind word.
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That's a common issue for us. With lots of love and patience. Too bad we are overlooked and not desirable. I wonder why. That's the way of the world I suffered violent physical, mental, etc.
My mother is not mentally well. That's another category on its own. So I knew it's not my fault. I knew it as early as 4 years old. It didn't make it less scary or damaging.