Read "Eternally Grounded" by Liz Pierce with Rakuten Kobo. Grounded, and guarded by the three-headed dog Cerberus, during the first weekend of Spring.
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I'm a mum of four , 1 boy and 3 girls. My son is 16 and the girls are all under My son has some problems with his behaviour that have been ongoing for a number of years. He is always in trouble at school, the school have complained to me that he is disruptive in school. At home he is also very disruptive.
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Recently he has been bullying his sisters and a month ago i reached the end of my tether and decided to punish him, i grounded him for 6 months. Now its a month into the punishment and he is mad at me and he tells me that he gets depressed and he can't control his bad behaviour.
He says he is sorry and begs to be let off. His behaviour has been better since i grounded him but i think he is doing that to try and please me so i let him off. My question is what should i do? Is the 5 month grounding too severe? His behaviour has been very bad for a long time and he wasn't getting any punishments for it for a long time, i feel that letting him carry in the way he was without consequences will do him no good in the long run, he will just carry on because he can get away with it, since i grounded him he now realsies he can't get away with it anymore.
But i am worried about his mood and what the underlying cause of his behaviour is. I hope you find a great resource as some of our parents begin to provide some feedback on what you're going through. I am sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time with your son, it really can be a very stormy experience trying to understand our teenagers. You mentioned your son is very disruptive and has been bullying the girls - what do you think is causing this behaviour?
Is there anything underlying he may be dealing with? I think your idea of taking him to talk to a professional is wonderful. There's also kids helpline who have webchat available in his age range, as well as a phone line. Even if you do minimise the length of his grounding, it sounds like you have illustrated that there is a defined consequence to his behaviour. I think it's okay to renegotiate the length.
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It may not be an overnight fix, and your son may return to his disruptive behaviour, but the key thing is he has received a pretty big message by already spending one whole month indoors. I am not sure what makes him so disruptive because when i try to talk to him he won't talk much about it. All he says is he hates his teachers at school and he doesn't like his sisters because he wishes he was an only child.
He resents them for taking my attention away from him. He also feels that my husband who is his step father and the father of my girls and i prefer them to him.
Eternally Grounded
I do find my daughters a lot easier to manage than him its true but i don't love him any less. So a lot of what he does is for attention i think, but he needs help with anger issues too. I want to take him to see someone i just hope he co operates and doesn't get angry at the meeting. If i do reduce the grounding and he starts being bad again i will feel like i failed. I know that this month indoors has really been bothering him, everyday he is begging to be let off and i keep being tough and refusing.
It sounds like you are having a hard time dealing with your sons behaviour issues, but you also feel that he has a genuine problem too. What sort of problem do you think your son has? Behaviour problems can sometimes be as a result of other issues, so it may be a good idea to speak to a health professional to determine what is going on for your son. I can sense your concern to make sure your son gets help while also managing his behaviour. It must be terribly hard for your daughters too. If your son has not had many consequences for his behaviour in the past, it will make it harder to enforce a 6 month grounding.
One thing I found helpful when my daughters behaviour was at her worst was to have consequences agreed to ahead of time.
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This took the emotion and a lot of stress away, as she knew what to expect and it was easier for me to enforce. Another good resource is the ReachOut Coaching for parents. It's done online and over the phone so it is very flexible. They may be able to help you come up with some ideas. Decisions around parenting can be difficult and asking other parents how they've coped or what their experiences have been can be such a great help and confidence builder.
Good on you for reaching out for suggestions. If you have concerns around his mood and behaviour, getting some help for him could be really helpful. If it comes to it that he won't attend or engage with the counsellor, it could still be a good opportunity for you to discuss what's going on with him and find ways to help him from home. I've found with my daughter that I've been able to help her by changing how I interact with her.
She wouldn't attend counselling for ages, but I learned so much from still going by myself. I understand that when we get to the end of our tether we are inclined to dish out the harshest of punishments - I've certainly done the same thing and relate to your worry of changing your decision.
Eternally Grounded by Darlene Graeser
What worked for me was telling my daughter that I was happy with the efforts she has made so far and recognised the changes in her. Therefore I wanted to put some trust in her and so was taking away the punishment while this better behaviour continued. See if you have enough points for this item. Grounded, and guarded by the three-headed dog Cerberus, during the first weekend of Spring Break, Zeus and Hera's teenage son Nikolos and his friends from Olympus High prove once again that teens will be teens - even if their parents are Gods.
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