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- Join Over 300,000+ Followers!
- Raising Kids for True Greatness: Redefine Success for You and Your Child
- Maggie Dent, Australian parenting guru
- 15 Parenting Rules Victoria Beckham Follows To Raise Her Kids
Part of seeing my child as a healthy, whole and capable person, has been for me to come to terms with this powerful emotion that he can express. All of our lives we are needed and we are in need. My kids and I are going to have to keep learning about this and figuring out our dance. I am grateful that we can grow together. You are right, my child is not broken. One day it finally dawned on me my explosive child just could not handle any type of change.
I learned if he was prepared for it things went more smoothly. I just had to figure out the triggers. He devoured them, I bought everyone they made. Until he was old enough to reason with childhood was difficult. He cried more than all oft other 4 children put together.
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He finally really grew up when he went on a service mission and learned to appreciate what he had. It was the best thing ever. He tried my patience like no other. I know other adults though who have never grown out of this explosive behavior. What a wonderful post and response to your already beautiful article. Thank you! I love this article.
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It is a relief to hear other people have these problems! I have a very difficult second daughter who is now 6 and my family members would always give me so much grief over how I handled her. They could never seem to understand that she could not be handled in the same way as any other child. I had to get her calm before adressing the problem or else the situation would escalate and she would get out of control.
I always say that she helped me grow as a parent and learn to have a tremendous amount of patience and to stay calm. There are two in particular that I had not thought of! I am always looking for new ways to get better at parenting my son. Even the psychologist was an extreme disappointment.
I hate how other parents look at us and think that we are obviously doing something wrong. I have 2 normal kids… I can handle normal. Thank you so much for this post.
I feel a little less alone tonight! Also… I read a post above about you putting blame on your child and giving her shameful names and how she realized that it was her who was to blame and not her child. It is true that our response can make matters worse with our childern no matter where they are on the spectrum, but it sounds like the gal above has a normal child and her change just helped her see that.
Raising Kids for True Greatness: Redefine Success for You and Your Child
Some kids just are more difficult and you can sugar coat the name to spirited or whatever else, but at the end of the day… the rose is still the rose. The truth is that we are not all overwhelmed moms of normal children, some of us are competant moms with difficult children! There is a difference! I for one appreciate you stepping out and being open and honest so that moms like me can survive another day! It has taken me 5 years to shake the shame before I was able to look at those moms in the eye and say, Thank you for your opinion and advice, and then walk away giving them grace because I know that they can never fully understand.
They will not understand that I cry in the shower and grieve for the kind of memories I want to remember with my son. I grieve for the things my other 2 miss out on because they have a difficult brother.
Maggie Dent, Australian parenting guru
Again… Thanks!! I am excited to use the new advice! I feel like I could have written this myself because I can relate to this almost entirely. I have an 8 year old son and I would describe him as difficult. There has never been an easy day with him, he is socially awkward, moody, and he has A.
15 Parenting Rules Victoria Beckham Follows To Raise Her Kids
D which he takes medication for. This may be a no-brainer, but since you have noticed a direct correlation between her behavior and her needing to eat, have you had her blood sugar tested? There might be a medical issue diabetes, hypoglycemia, etc that needs to be addressed. I was diagnosed hypoglycemic in high school and have recently become diabetic as a result. I find that when my diet is out of control, meaning my blood sugar is out of control, my emotions are equally out of control.
Great comment Jennifer. Blood sugar is SO huge in regards to behavior and it can be easy to overlook. I was so glad to see Shawn talk about eating frequent small meals in this article.
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Wow , I can really related with all this I have two boy who have a different behavior. My oldest one is the strong will he can explote in a second if things are nothis way or if he is out of his structure.
He could have a tantrum out of just not getting the attention that he wants. I tried everything with him and read a lot of parenting books trying to find technique sto help me. A t the end of the day i feel hoeeible with myself guilty like I am hurting his emotions in a wrong way! He has his days if we are here in the house following his daily routine he reacts much better but for example if I give them free time in seconds he will be fighting with his brother and of course trying to control his brother on everyhting!!! I do give the snacks like they will eat breakfasta ound by 10 am they have snack by 12 lunch then around 1 or nap which he just started to skip but he will stay in his room totally the opposite because his brother lovesssssssssssss to take his nap and then around they are eating dinner so in my case I dont know if the food will be a factor in his behavior.
W hen we go to my moms he will do whatever he wants he wont listen wont obey and is like calling his name 20 times. I guess is because he know over there is no structure at all so he can or try to get his way. My big frustration comes from why well i cansay since he turned 3 and a half he totally changed why does he needs to wai t for me to talk to him in a bad way or screamed at him if I already told him like 20 times please dont do that!!!
My 8 year old son was diagnosed ODD several months ago. He was born the sweetest little boy on the planet who I called my little monkey bc of the way he just loved being carried around and snuggling all the time. At 3 he flipped. He is just so angry all the time and is getting more explosive. He cusses and yells and hits and destroys things. Positive reinforcement has been where I see the biggest impact. We have a daily expectation chart. I use a dry erase board and list all the things he needs to do each day.
Anyways, he can see what he needs to do and he moves the magnet once he accomplishes each task. He is in control of moving the magnet. At the end of the day we look over his chart and talk about how good he did and if he has completed each task we give him a star on his Weekly chart. Once he reaches 15 stars he gets a prize of some sort. I know that is punishment enough for this child!
He is devastated when he loses a star and we are able to talk about how he can earn his star the next day.
Kids like him seem to do really well with structure and natural consequences. Providing the consistency of structure is hard, but it is worth it! Days when I provide an unexpected consequence he explodes and we can have a 4 hour meltdown which ends with broken objects and tired parents who have nothing left to give.
Good luck!! Melissa, Reading your response has really helped me.