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Friend Power: How the Friends You Choose Can Change Your Life [Stephanie The power your friends have to either elevate or relegate you to their level has been experienced exactly that, friends have changed the course of my life.
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Just because someone's in your life doesn't mean they need to know everything about what you're up to. Hand-pick the most supportive people you know, and then choose to share the rest of your journey on a need-to-know basis. There will, of course, be people who aren't so positive about your shift but who you have to tell — maybe your parents are particularly risk-averse, for example. As your plans clarify and solidify, you'll have more confidence in your decision and be able to navigate the trickier conversations with greater ease.
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I'd say keep the doubters and small-minded ones until you are pretty certain and confident, when you can take their unhelpful comments on the chin and shake them off. Not only will you be doing yourself a favour, making sure you have the greatest chance of a supportive community around you at every step, you'll also be saving the other people in your life a lot of discomfort.
Sometimes we go into conversations with expectations that are hidden, even to ourselves.
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And then when we don't get what we want, we become disappointed or accusatory. Knowing what you want or need from someone will have an impact on when and how you tell them about your career change. Letting them know why you're having this conversation with them will also help them to give you what you need. In fact, I went home early from our night out because I didn't want to snap at him. It put a bit of a dent in our friendship for a good few months.
But he kept trying to coach me and solve my problems, and I really didn't want him to 'fix' me. If it was easy to fix, I'd have done it myself. It made me feel stupid and useless, and like he wasn't really listening. I just hadn't told him what I actually needed. When you share something as personal and ground-shaking as a career change, particularly if you've been thinking about it quietly for a long time, it's tempting to open the floodgates and let everything come out.
But a high-speed freight train of emotions, expectations and fears is unlikely to form the foundation of a calm and productive conversation, particularly if you're coming out to someone who has a vested interest in your shift whether it's practical or emotional. You've had a while to process your decision, but for them, it's a brand-new idea.
If this feels scary to you, it probably feels just as scary for the people who love you. And for many people, the news that you're choosing to change your life in such a big way can bring up a whole host of uncomfortable emotions of their own. Your bravery might remind them of their own fears. Your decision may force them to examine their own decisions. And some of those thoughts might not feel so great. Give them time and space to express themselves before you unload too much.
Come from a place of deep curiosity. Ask them questions.
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Dig into their reactions to better understand them. The first step to being able to help someone understand what you're doing is understanding where they're at first, calmly and lovingly.
It could be risky. What scares you most about it? The more you can focus on understanding their world rather than trying to convince them or defend yourself , the less likely you are to fall into knee-jerk emotional reactions and arguments. One of the biggest mistakes you can make in any potentially difficult conversation is to rehearse it in your head and bring those presumptions and fears with you.
If you start a dialogue certain that your wife is going to be upset, you'll subconsciously turn the conversation in that direction. If you sit down with your friend knowing that they're going to tell you you're nuts, you'll have your defences up before you've even begun. I told him as the main courses arrived and we were finishing dessert when he said to me: 'Karen, I don't have a problem with you wanting to make a career change.
I think it's actually a very good idea, as long as we find a way to do it responsibly. Can you just calm down a minute? No matter how grown-up you are, their thoughts and opinions still carry weight. And not only are they deeply interested in your well-being and happiness, they're also from an older generation, who had a very different attitude to work and careers. It's unsurprising that many of them panic at the news that their child is thinking about throwing in the towel on a career and making a big shift.
Their job has always been to protect and support you, and here you are, talking about taking a flying leap into something they can't see, because of a feeling they don't fully understand. Scary stuff. Partners can also have a hard time hearing that the person they love is seeking a major change.
After all, they want you to be happy. It's their job to help you to be happy. You're telling them you're not happy. And this… they can't fix this. The thing is, concern and fear often get mangled somewhere in people's brain-pipes, and come out as anger, dismay or disbelief. If you're not listening closely, you then go into defensive mode and end up driving home muttering to yourself about how you must have been adopted and people are just unbelievable, really.
But if you are listening closely, you should be able to pick up on these badly expressed feelings of helplessness. It feels risky to me, too.
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Whether it's drawing up a financial plan, tapping into useful networks or having a weekly get-together for you to voice your most madcap ideas, there will be something that the biggest worriers in your life can do to support you. You might even need to give them a job that doesn't need doing, just so they can feel they're contributing. I only had a floating interest in working in higher education, but she's my big sister. She's always looked out for me, so she needed to feel like she had a part to play in a big decision like this. And the more she got into her 'job' for me, the more supportive she became.
My success became her success, so she got on my side. Others you might be one of them spend months or even years talking about how much they hate their career. For friends and family, it can be hard to trust that now, things have changed. You're actually making a shift. Perhaps they don't mean to seem unsupportive, but they've heard this before.
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How can they be sure this isn't just another bad day? Find a way to make it clear that you're committed to the process, and help calm the concerns in their minds by offering evidence that you're taking care of potential problems. Persuasion in Your Life. Wahl , Eric Morris. Persuasive Humor. Ethical Dimensions of Persuasion. Theories of Persuasion.
Visual Persuasion. Persuasion and New Media. Persuasion and Personal Relationships. Persuasive Dimensions of Nonverbal Communication. Persuasion in Business and Professional Contexts. George Pacheco Jr and John Meyer.