PDF EMERGENCY GUIDE: SURVIVING A PLAYER: (A series of mature conversations for emotionally scarred lovers)

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A fan can show emotion when her team loses, but a commentator? . I love to travel, and hope to eventually set foot in countries. MONEY That $2, is a good round number for an emergency fund. How about a series of sessions with a personal trainer, or that dental work you've been putting off for months? 4.
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Whatever she needs to feel at ease is what you should do. She may need space and understanding or she may need her hand held and her shoulders rubbed. She may be feeling very down and not want you to see her like that. If you are to have a secure relationship she will have to be able to have difficult conversations with you, otherwise she will need more time away from you to avoid having to express her true feelings.

Carrying heavy emotions around all the time is exhausting. If you need further guidance perhaps you or you and your partner could connect with me for coaching. I am just entering a relationship with an introvert. I really like her and want it to work. But the dating habits I have learned are of no use. Can you help me. I could definitely discuss with you what is going on and what is not working Mark.

My number one advice is to figure out what comforts her and puts her at ease, then do that more. Lass mich ganz bei dir sein, als waere ich allein. Ich weiss, was war und ist. Ich bin auch dann bei dir, wenn du alleine bist. Let me be with you completely, as if I was alone. I know what was and is. You are with me even when you are alone. The poem above captures this thought very well, I think. Finding this is so very rare.

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Would it be alright to summarize my story and get some advice and feedback? My present relationship and probably last-ditch effort to actually respond to someone who loves me and to not grow old alone are at stake. The aspects that are unique about my story are that my introversion may be based on my nature but was definitely intensified by nurture or lack thereof.


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In addition, I have some anger in me toward my partner that makes this work harder. My mom had phobias and believed people from neighbors to random strangers were trying to poison us by planting toxins in the environment in various ways. In my childhood, I started as a child who was not allowed to eat at birthday parties, go on field trips, or participate in phy ed, etc. In my family, people did not touch each other because my mother thought everyone was contaminated, and we had no meals together but each ate our own, clinically prepared food in our room.

My biggest goal was to remain sane, and my biggest hope was that social services would find me. Fast forward, I did stay sane, but I believe in addition to being an introvert, I now have attachment issues and a hate relationship with intimacy. In my twenties, I literally slept around for a while and eventually entered a partnership and a marriage, each of which dissolved similarly. Honestly, I sometimes wonder if I am actually capable of love.

I raised two children by myself as a very low-income single mom. We all are struggling with existential angst and depression, however. On line, I found a lovely man who wants to be my partner, and we click on so many levels. We had a pretty happy year in which we decided to move in together.

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Big threat to an introvert, but for the first time in my life I was actually able to articulate what makes me tick. Like many introverts, I am so relieved that we finally have public awareness of this trait being okay. Before living together, I told my partner that men tend to end up exasperated with me. I can do anything, be a mom, work three jobs, go to grad school, keep the house immaculate, and work out. But I cannot do that while someone else is watching me, waiting for me to slow down, sit on the couch, be fun.

I cannot and will not feel guilty for being the Energizer bunny because that is how I define myself and what has helped me survive and succeed.


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I am all to used to experiencing the energy drain from the discrepancy of expectations, the guilt, and the fact that most men I have met end up living off my energy. So, he and I have this awareness, yet right now, live is exactly as described above. Many evenings were spent with him on the couch watching me like he was at a tennis match with me zipping back and forth with things that I truly did not want help with.

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He realized this and now takes on projects, which helps a little. In addition, he is relatively well-off financially, successful, and used to the finer things in life, whereas I have turned being minimalist and roughing it into a virtue. A big issue is that my partner fathered a child when he was 19, abandoned her and her mother, and remained non-involved until his adult daughter found him. Even then, and in general, he seemed complacent and self-absorbed, instead of making up for mistakes of the past.

I ended up laying that out for him, in fact, I hurled 20 years of single parenting at him and said that men like him make life difficult for women like me and my children. Last weekend, I hit the wall. I had spend yet another weekend driving one child to a college visit and another back to college and providing a nice Easter for everyone on Sunday. My daughter is struggling with depression and is smoking weed, and my son is struggling with low self esteem and smoking weed, and he was just caught for that, too. All the while my partner enjoyed himself and, for example, went for an Easter walk by himself.

I ended up crying for four hours, and this week, I am physically sick with body aches, sore throat, light-headedness, and an upset stomach, which I think is NOT due to the flu. This is where the story ends. My partner knows about my story and my introversion, I have shared this blog with him, and he is understanding and loving. My questions are: Is there hope for us to stay together? Is his past something I can learn to accept? He is coming home tonight … Thank you in advance! Hi Mia, I apologize for the late late response.


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For some reason, I missed your comment. It sounds like there is a lot of work to be done or undone but I still feel there is hope for you and your partner. The number one thing is to find ways to connect and be a team. Help each other relax and feel safe. If you sense he is distressed, soothe him in a way he appreciates verbal? He can do the same for you. I am sure you were exhausted after your busy Easter weekend. Your busy-ness is a way you define yourself and numb yourself from feeling too much. Look into counter-dependence and ways to alleviate it. You and your partner are different in many ways, but we all need comfort and care.

Reach out, be vulnerable. Trust him with your vulnerabilities. Trust him to be there and responsible for you. His past is something he has to live with.

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Is he perhaps ashamed? Does shaming him change anything? Wishing you peace and warmth Mia. Thank you so much for your thoughtful response! I know my message was lengthy, and you must receive a lot of stories and questions.

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I am so impressed that you take the time to answer people individually. Your response rings incredibly true, especially your observations that my partner is ashamed and shaming him will only make it more painful and that my busy-ness is a way I define and at the same time numb myself. Extremely insightful and well-put. Also, I will abstain from accusations and instead refocus on trying to connect and relax together.

Thank you again, and I will definitely keep following your work and your blog. Warm wishes to you as well! I cannot for the life of me get her to understand I need time alone. I need time. Lots of time sometimes.