The Girls from Ames: A Story of Women and a Forty-Year Friendship

NEW VIDEO: A Conversation with Jeff Zaslow and the Ames girls. From the coauthor of The Last Lecture comes a moving tribute to female friendships, with the.
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The girls, now in their forties, have a lifetime of memories in common, some evocative of their generation and some that will resonate with any woman who has ever had a friend. The Girls from Ames demonstrates how close female relationships can shape every aspect of women's lives-their sense of themselves, their choice of men, their need for validation, their relationships with their mothers, their dreams for their daughters-and reveals how such friendships thrive, rewarding those who have committed to them. With both universal events and deeply personal moments, it's a book that every woman will relate to and be inspired by.

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There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later. When I heard the author and two of the subjects on NPR I immediately bought a copy, wondering if I would know any of the "girls. Reading the book was much like the odd dislocation that Walker Percy describes in The Moviegoer when surprised by a scene on screen that is familiar in real life. That said, Zaslow is a columnist and this is a story that needs the skills of a novelist.

You can't build character by simply piling on anecdotes, and he is hampered by a lack of source material and by an inexcusable lack of research--no evidence that he visited their old haunts or even read their yearbook , an inability to recreate a sense of place or time, what appears to be cursory interviews with a broad number of sources, and his core experience, a reunion with the main subjects in North Carolina, where there is no connection with their common roots. While the cast is not exactly War and Peace, it is difficult to keep the characters straight, an experience not aided by the author's determination to use just first names.

Was Kelly the feisty one or the sassy one--no that was Cathy, or was it Karen or Karla? The fuzzy pics on the cheesy paper used in the original edition are not a plus. You do learn a bit -- who knew that Brad Pitt was "a pleasant-but-not-especially attractive journalism major at the University of Missouri"?

Or that Hollywood hair dressers have a code of not gossiping about their clients--except when someone is writing a book about the friendships of 11 Iowa girls and apparently needs to spice up the flagging narration with a flurry of name dropping. This is not to take away anything from the 11 original friends or their admirably deep and lengthy friendships, but if you're looking for an equally deep explanation of such relationships, you'll not find it here.

The women came of age just at the tail end of the Baby Boom, so they are the immediate benefactors of the women's rights movement and other social changes that marked the 60s, 70s and 80s. It was fun to read about the different hairstyles and clothes the women wore and the music they listened to as their stories unfolded, these cultural references provided a musical and visual backdrop against which their stories could be shared by women from different walks of life.

During a weekend reunion, the women shared the details of their relationships some good, some bad with author, Jeffrey Zaslow. At points, it seemed that the ladies' relationships were ebbing but the women proved that they did not need constant contact to remain close, especially when email came about and they were able to simply hit "Reply All.

They've offered shoulders to cry on when they've been given devastating news and they've given tough love when it was warranted. But more than anything else, they've been there for each other. Even when they didn't agree with the choices that the other was making, they let their feeling be known and then they offered support There are stories from when they were young, stories from when they were in high school, then college, and then as adults, when they are career- or family-focused.

The author intersperses the narrative about their friendship with some studies and statistics about friendships in general, mentioning how friendships between women that have lasted until they're 40 years old are statistically likely to last for the rest of their lives. Since the book is about eleven women whose friendship has lasted for multiple decades, there is obviously not enough room to tell the story of every little thing they went through together, and so the focus is on particularly major events in their lives.

Some of the stories were not the most flattering, showing the darker and less appealing side of girls that can sometimes crop up both in their circle of friendship and with outsiders who resented their clique ; however, the majority of the stories were about instances where they helped each other through tough situations, such as illness, divorce, and death. It was really nice to read about how their bonds with each other helped and the ways they offered support.

Now, for my complaints. I was glad that the author included a "cheat sheet" near the beginning, with the girls' names, photos, and a short bio, helping me keep them straight.

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There were eleven main characters - not including the girls' family members - and it took me a while to remember who each one was. I also felt like some of the girls were given a lot more page time, as many of the stories focused on their lives, while a few of the girls were barely mentioned. After finishing the book, I feel like I have a good sense of the lives of maybe half the Ames girls; the others remain a mystery, despite their inclusion in the tale overall. Finally, although I enjoyed reading the book, it felt like something was lacking, though I can't put my finger on it.

The story of friendship was nice, but I'm not sure the book overall provided a reason for the importance of focusing on these particular women. Maybe I just wanted to see something more, like there was room to delve deeper that was ignored. I'm glad I read this, and I certainly enjoyed it, but it's not one that I'd reread.

Aug 12, Carol rated it liked it Shelves: Ever since I read The Magic Room: You can just tell that he is a compassionate man, who tells a story with such feeling, whether it be about women or men. I was saddened to hear of his death in a car accident this past February. I've had The Girls from Ames: Eleven women that formed an amazing bond and this man, Zaslow, who wanted to tell their story.

It's to Zaslow's credit that he can capture the bindings of female friendship and infiltrate their group, gain their trust, and be if not, one of them, at least, a friend. At the beginning and throughout the story, Zaslow, in staccato fashion, calls out their names, KarlaSallyKarenDianaJennySheilaJaneAngelaMarilyCathyKelly and tells their stories of how they were able to maintain and remain friends all these years.

It's amazing to me that eleven kids, who mostly met in kindergarten, are in their 40's when the book is written, are able to overcome the hurtles of hurts, spites, petty jealousies, who said what, who did what, and grow into women that live in all corners of the US, still manage to meet every year or so, pick up where they left off, and continue to share memories like they were still in Ames.

Though not all is sunshine and rosy, you come away with a darn good feeling and wish you were part of this group. It renews my respect for womanhood, and the power of friendship. It reminds me to be nurture the friendships I have and to continue to seek out the company of women. View all 4 comments.

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Mar 17, Katherine marked it as to-read Shelves: This came up as a "featured book," on my page; it's probably just coincidence that it's about my hometown! Not necessarily a book I'd go for otherwise, but I have to read anything about Ames.


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    • Jun 03, Jennie rated it it was ok Shelves: I have very mixed feelings about this book. I wanted to like this book. I really, really did. However, the writer was a man and while that shouldn't be a problem, it kind of was for this book. Maybe a different man would have done a better job, but honestly, there was too much bewilderment from the author coming through the narrative.

    If I had to make a guess about this author, I'd guess that he likes and respects women, but is one of those men who find women to be an "other" some kind of un-und I have very mixed feelings about this book. If I had to make a guess about this author, I'd guess that he likes and respects women, but is one of those men who find women to be an "other" some kind of un-understandable creature. And if this book had really embraced that perspective and tried to use these women to help other men understand women it probably would have been more honest to the author and frankly, a better read.

    I'm sure that it doesn't help that the author is a columnist. Like he had no idea how to structure the story he wanted to tell or create any drama or anticipation. So, while my feelings about the writing are pretty clear, my feelings about the women and their story are more complex.

    I'll be honest, I haven't had a group of girlfriends since I was a kid. They are wonderful and supportive and have become my pseudo-siblings. But they aren't a group. At this point, most of them have met each other, but I am friends with each of them pretty much independently of others. This fact may make me just totally unable to relate to the women who are the subject of this book.

    However, I like to think of myself as able to stretch and relate to people with different experiences from myself I am a social worker after all , and I sincerely hope that this isn't what my problem was. First of all, I had a terribly hard time keeping the women straight. I had to refer back to the photos at the front of the book all the way until the end of the book. This is supremely unusual for me. Seriously, I read King novels I love him, but damn does he like to have a huge cast of characters and fantasy books with maps and geneologies in the front.

    Now, I don't want to say that the real women from the book are indistinguishable because I'm sure that if I interacted with them in person they would be wonderful individuals. However, the characters were not presented in such a way that I was able to differntiate one from another. Secondly, the way the book was organized contributed to my inability to really keep them straight. I love a good flashback in a novel, but in this book it just annoyed the shit out of me. Frankly, I couldn't figure out what the organization was.

    It wasn't chronological, although it was vaguely chronological. It wasn't set up by "girl", although each chapter had a kind of focus on a particular woman. Basically, it was frustrating. And there was no surprise or suspense as to what happened I mean the first pages with photos and info gave away the two deaths in the book. And, in the interest of being totally honest In fact there was a significant minority who did it. They went to college and then decided to become stay at home moms. Don't leave nasty messages. I judge, I'm human. So many of these women went to college and then chose to be stay at home moms.

    It seems really selfish and indulgent and retro in a bad way to me. In any case, it was a decision that a lot of the women in the book made. It made me not like them as much as I wanted to.

    The Girls from Ames, a book review by Alice Osborn

    However, what this book did do well was show real realttions between real women. They didn't always get along. They were sometimes self-involved. But they were always presented as being real people. And more importantly, despite their challenges, they loved and supported each other. It was a really good depiction of what happens to women's friendships as they age and move away from each other.

    All in all, it was an interesting concept for a book. It just didn't live up to its potential. View all 3 comments. Sep 04, Rebecca rated it liked it Shelves: First let me say, I expected to like this book much better than I did. Therefore I was shocked when half way through I was ready to give it 2 stars and quit reading it. However, it was for a bookclub, so I decided to finish it and the last half was better and worth 3 stars. So I guess my true rating would be 2.

    Angela knew that she was being embraced by those in need of a friend, and she was OK with that at first. But she was cooler than those more desperate girls. I admire Sally for how she handled the situation, but it did not make me sympathetic towards the group as a whole. A couple of other things made the whole book a bit difficult to follow: While I have no doubt Zaslow is a good journalist, I agree with other reviewers that this book needed the touch of a novelist to delve into the deep meanings and ties of friendship. So, what did I like about the second half?

    Overall, I related more to the girls shared experiences as adults, perhaps because most of my best friends are miles away and yet we have stayed close and supported each other through the rough times of adulthood as well. I think I would recommend this book if you can overlook how much emphasis it places on the girls exclusive click in high school and appreciate that such an amazing friendship between 10 women has lasted thirty years. May 06, Kate rated it liked it Shelves: Exactly what makes a good book a good book? How is it defined? Do we base it on an inspiring writing style?

    Or something that leaves you with a message sunk deep into your bones? Or is a good book something that has stood up to the passing years, surviving fads and unpopularity? I suspect that critics and lay people have been debating this since the advent of the printing press, but I only bring it up because I am unsure of how to judge this particular work.

    Jeffrey Zaslow, the author, has created an odd work. It is really just a column that runs pages. This is where my difficulty with the book comes in. If I just based my judgment of this book on the writing, I would probably end my review here with some curt punctuation. Yet, I have trouble doing that. Now, at 24, I find myself in NYC for almost a year and feel terribly alone. Out of sight, out of mind.

    The Girls from Ames made me feel that loneliness and guilt more than ever. Do I keep my opinion totally style-based? Or do I judge it based on its affect on me? That would make it a perfectly reasonable read and a good use of my time. May 30, Alethea A rated it it was amazing Recommends it for: I didn't think I would like this book half as much as I did. I am not a non-fiction reader; I like my non-fic in magazine-article doses, preferably out of Entertainment Weekly.

    Better yet, just give me a list, just the top ten. I found myself keeping a finger stuck between the pages that show the Girls' photos, and every time something in particular about their story resonated for me, I'd flip to the front and look at the Girl or Girls in question. I felt myself wanting to know them, to look the I didn't think I would like this book half as much as I did. I felt myself wanting to know them, to look them in the eye. Through this book, in an infinitesimal way, you can meet them. You had to have been there. But I am so glad for this peek into their lives and the friendship they share.

    In a way, they offer a glimpse into understanding myself. Jeff Zaslow, you've got balls to venture into this territory. A woman at my store told me she did not think this book would appeal to her year-old daughter and left hurriedly before I could reply. Any girl who has had a friend, or wanted one; any girl who has had a sister, or wanted one; any woman who knew her mother or daughter well, or never knew her at all, or wished she knew her better; any girl who has ever felt alone and needs to know she isn't or doesn't have to be, can relate to and enjoy this book.

    I didn't think it would appeal to me not being an upper-middle class Midwestern housewife but I have been all of these girls at one point or another. From childhood crushes to familial heroes, from mean-girl intrigues and girlfights to crying sessions and group hugs, from courtship to marriage--I've been at some of those same intersections of life. And I can see the first blips of other life milestones of theirs that I will pass too: I'm looking forward and backward at the same time. Mar 06, Monika rated it really liked it Shelves: Sure they disagreed sometimes, but overall, they we're the true epitamy of best friends.

    SO glad i got this as a first reads!

    The Girls from Ames - Wikipedia

    So I started the book last night, and put it down page because it was really late, and I had to get to bedotherwise I think I update: So I started the book last night, and put it down page because it was really late, and I had to get to bedotherwise I think I would have kept reading it. I do like this book. I think the stories about the friends are amazing, and I know the feeling of being separated from close girlfriends.

    The stories bring back memories from my own childhood, even though I grew up in a big city. The one issue I have with the book is that it is written too "journalistically" and not like a "story teller" would tell a story. There are points where I caught myself thinking, why is this side story about a completely different person in here, when I have 11 charachters to already keep track of!

    I think this is a book I am definately going to give my future daughter, so that she can realize eary on how important true friendships are, and how regardless of how different you may be, or how you grow in different ways in life, that your true friends will love you for who you are regardles I can't wait to jump into it!

    Aug 05, Mandy rated it liked it. I thought this book was an interesting idea, in concept. It was a quick, easy read. It would be good for a book club book or for a group of girls who have or appreciate long lasting friendships. In my opinion the stories of the women and the sociological reflections by the author were often jarring and not seamless. Sometimes you felt like you were reading an email, other times you felt like you were reading a textbook. I also had a difficult time getting into the writing.

    I come from a school of I thought this book was an interesting idea, in concept. I come from a school of creative writing that preaches showing vs. And the author did a lot of telling. Its understandable did a lot of telling because he was It was journalistic, socioligical studying in nature.

    I just can't dig it. I really really wanted to love this book. Perhaps if I had a core of girlfriends from the age of kindergarten onward I would have appreciated it more. I did enjoy, as I said before, the concept of the book, the relationship of the friends and all they'd been through. I also found connections with specific women in the book. I guess, in short, I thought the book was a gimmick. While the author meant everything he wrote about the importance of female friendships, to me it is to "on the nose" an attempt to create a book for female friends, book clubs, Oprah.

    I would however reccommend this book to friends who enjoy the likes of Eat, Pray Love, books that combine anectotes with studies, etc. I will say the book did make me appreciate the friendships with family that I have. My family was my first friends and I've had them forever! May 21, Jennifer rated it it was ok. It has taken me many months to read this. I read a little of this book at a time in between novels because it just wasn't compelling enough to hold my attention.

    I'm not much of a non-fiction reader, but having spent the first 12 years of my life in Ames, I was intrigued by this book. Sadly, it is not very well written, and I was also a little turned off by what these girls were like as teenagers though I think I'd like most of them as grown women. I realize that many people lacked good sense a It has taken me many months to read this.

    The Girls from Ames: An Interview with Best-Selling Author Jeffrey Zaslow

    I realize that many people lacked good sense as teenagers, but I've never had much patience for that nor for the adults that then assume that their own teenagers have to act in the same stupid waysas if stupid teenagers are inevitable. What I enjoyed most were the few memoirs of Ames that struck a sentimental chord for me like mentions of Boyd's Dairy.

    I was too young to know the girls in the story, but I did know one of their dads, Dr. McCormack, which made the story even more personal. That being said, I felt that too much attention was lavished on the doctor in this book; he seems to have been a great man, but this book shouldn't be about him. And too much attention was given to Kelly one of the "girls" and her opinions. This book may worth reading if you are from Ames and were born in the 60s or late 50s, or if you are from any small town and have maintained close friendships with friends from your youth.

    It is heartwearming to read how these girls managed to maintain connections to such an extent that they are able to provide support to one another throughout their lives. Feb 25, Lisa rated it did not like it Shelves: I didn't finish this book. I read about half of it, and was interested in the stories of the eleven friends who make up the group and how they got together when they were chldren and became "the Shisters. I was also interested in the author's insertion of results of studies that have researched friendship and how they compared to this group of friends.

    As they left high scho I didn't finish this book. As they left high school and their stories became individual with some descriptions of planned or unplanned reunions , rather than the stories of a group of "girls," I lost interest. I also sometimes felt like a voyeur, wondering why these friends would share such intimate details of their lives with the author--even stories they may not have shared or discussed with anyone in the group--and I wondered why I cared to read about those stories. Not for me, although I really liked the author's earlier work on The Last Lecture.

    Jul 07, Laurie rated it it was ok. I was thinking I'd like this book a lot more than I did. Women and friendship sounds good. I think having a male author made this a more clinical read--I never really cared about the women as characters or individuals. I guess he focused on her beca I was thinking I'd like this book a lot more than I did. I guess he focused on her because she was liberal, single, and feminist. Why are women only applauded as feminists when they have careers like men? When will society value the work that goes into raising a family? Isn't that feminist too? Sep 07, Kim rated it liked it.

    I really enjoyed reading about the girls and them growing up in Ames. May 28, Rhonda rated it it was ok Shelves: OK, maybe it's really a 2. Wall Street Journal comumnist sets out to write a story on "the deep bonds of women as they experience life's joys and challengesand the power of friendship to triumph over heartbreak and unexpected tragedy.

    The book was more his story-telling than his deductions on friendship, but it was still interesting. I expected more "reflection" and what he learned from it all But those are just the particulars. What Kelly really hopes Liesl will pick up in her retelling is a feeling of how deep the bonds between women can get. She's not sure what exact words she'll say, but Kelly the wordsmith would like her daughter to know this: Having these women in my world has meant not only acceptance, but radiant joy and laughter that knocks me right out of my chair.

    Through our darkest moments, we have lifted each other up. In every moment of grief we've shared, our laughter is a life vest, a secure promise that we will not go under. Perhaps, they say, it is because over the years, they have come up with unspoken or barely acknowledged ground rules that seem to work. They don't brag about their husbands' jobs or incomes.

    The Girls from Ames: A Story of Women and a Forty-Year Friendship

    They talk about their children's achievements, but not in a gloating way. They root for each other's kids, just as they root for each other. They make every effort to be with each other for key events in their lives: If they have disagreements among themselves, if they have negative opinions about each other, if they have things that need to be hashed out, it all remains in the group.

    They don't go to their husbands with their complaints. They don't tell their friends outside the group. One upside of being in their forties, they girls say, is that they feel like they've grown beyond a lot of things. They're beyond a cutthroat kind of ambition, they're far less competitive, they've lowered their expectations of others, and they're learning to find satisfaction in just living. They're seeing what feels good: I so badly wanted to like this book chronicling the true friendship of 11 women spanning 40 years since I myself have experienced such female bonding. But alas, the book is so poorly written and shallow that I couldn't help but groan throughout.

    So obviously written by a man as he failed miserably at telling a good story nor capturing the complexity and depth of BFF's and frenemies. The writing was atrocious. Honestly, the worst I have ever seen. The author loosely generous word organiz Ugghhh. The author loosely generous word organized the first few chapters based on one of the women and then quickly abandoned that a third of the way through their names and then focused on events. The problem lies in the actual bones of the chapters where random stories, having little bearing on each other are sprinkled throughout.

    It kind of reminded me of reading a child's first attempts at writing an open ended story. One thought leading to another thought with little relationship in between other than the characters are all the same, who are all insanely boring and flat by the way. My life long friends' life stories have been and are still way more interesting than this pablum. I finished the book not really grasping what has bonded these women together so fiercely to travel across country regularly to keep in touch, in person, by email, by letter, and by phone.

    Obviously, the meat of their closeness has been painstakingly edited in order to portray them, their families, employers, and town in the best possible light at all times, then and now. Real events and personal qualities are merely hinted at. Careful is the word that comes to mind. The author was very careful with his wording, so obviously crossing the line to crushing on his new female friends that he dare not offend them by telling the truth.

    I do understand the difficulty in being able to delicately expose 11 real women's lives and their interactions. However, if the author is incapable of fleshing them out then there is no need for the book in the first place. Barely scratching the surface of these women would have worked better in a feel good newspaper or magazine series. The only one with any depth was Kelly which I suspect was the only one honest enough to expose herself, fitting with her no holds barred personality.

    I honestly couldn't tell the rest apart. Out of 11 women, the only ones with a husband issue were the two that got divorced. The phrase "mighty white of you gals" ran through my brain as I read each kiss ass rambling line that dissolved like cotton candy fluff in my psyche. I gave it 2 stars for the effort in attempting to capture the nature of female relationships in the first place and second, for the only time I felt any emotion other than sheer boredom, Christie's heartbreaking journey.

    That one brief passage however was not enough to warrant writing or reading this book though. Otherwise, it is saccharine sweet, folksy, and cloying. While they were a unit, each girl had at least one defined role. To fully understand the Ames girls, Zaslow takes an in-depth look at the beginning of each girl's family life and how their families impacted their From my blog To fully understand the Ames girls, Zaslow takes an in-depth look at the beginning of each girl's family life and how their families impacted their personalities. Of the eleven, only ten remain; although the women say when they get together, Sheila is with them in spirit.

    The girls are different enough to make their group interesting, and they credit their willingness to talk and listen to each other for their long friendship and admit in their 20s and 30s they had a difficult time connecting, which holds true with the science behind friendships. According to the study in this novel, women have the most difficult time maintaining friendships between the ages of , after which friendship suddenly rates higher.

    The Ames girls discuss their children, especially their daughters.