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While my family saw me in a hospital in a drug-induced coma, I knew I was dead. Clouds obscured the view and there were two people covered in grey ash. My hands were held by a kind of man-wolf creature. Two creatures argued about who would take charge. One took me to a theater where I remained trapped for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
I watched a private cartoon and marionette performance. I was finally told I was ready to meet other dead people. I knew some, while others were strangers. I asked some strangers how we could communicate despite being unable to move my lips. They taught me to communicate telepathically only by exchanging thoughts. I had only been hospitalized a week and a half, yet it seemed an eternity. I realized prayer was the only way out. I was confused, thinking if I was already dead prayer could not be an option. Eyes Open I turned my head. The walls looked like they were covered with ants.
I saw my parents.
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No Fear of Death I was never afraid of dying. All men are afraid of pain or combat, but death is different, especially if one is not maimed in war. No soldier has ever said he was fearless. Death was not too different than life. Back Something within me had changed. They were friendlier. The material world became meaningless. The Tao says, the man who is one with himself does not strive or seek the recognition of others. In some ways it maybe it was harder I felt powerless to watch my mother fade This is what I do! I wanted her not to have pain when she was suffering.
It was really hard. Three in the Morning The night before she went home. She my mother was in really great distress. I just said.. God, you just have to get me through another hour until she can have the morphine.
Celine Dion's Let's Talk About love | Entertainment (General) | Leisure
There was no one else to speak to at three in the morning. I Baked a Cake I baked a cake and I wanted to bring a piece to them my parents. My Job When you deal in terms of Geriatrics, they my patients have lived a life. These people have had a life. My job is to make their end of life better. Sharing Sometimes I am just at a loss.
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I want to pick up the phone and talk to mom. I want to share a food item or something I see in a store. When you are doing this in a community where other people are mourning, you share a bond of difficulties and what you have gone through, as a spiritual community. It Reminds me Because of all the losses we have had. There are times someone, something hits a chord. There was a patient who reminded me of Rose my mother in law. She had a massive stroke. When she was dying, a decision was made to take her off a respirator, the way the family rallied around, I felt it deeply.
Hospice I will share with families on some level. On numerous occasions when I have referred people to hospice - I told families what good care we had with hospice and it has made a difference to them. He was 85 and up until the night before his first surgery he was a practicing lawyer. My family felt in the belly of the beast that is American healthcare.
Several incidents stood out as particularly egregious. We imagined hospice as a grim, Victorian institution. In a nutshell our experience was great with procedures and surgery they usually were successful, but then a week or two later dire complications would occur prompting more emergency procedures , but information on the big picture, from his ever-revolving health care team, was terrible.
We were left to construct that picture ourselves. Charlie is the rare doc who actually believes in talking to the family. He was the best grandfather to my children I could possibly imagine. Next up I have the feeling of a wall being breached, a generational one, I am closer to my own mortality. First Reaction My first emotion was relief. Daddy had been in such great pain and mental distress for six months…it was a good that his suffering was over. Reality I only saw him about once every other month. He lived far away. I am used to him not being with me Other times I consciously remember and appreciate his quirks.
Gratitude I felt flooded with gratitude for my nuclear family, my husband and two kids. I felt a sanctuary in their presence. I was walled away from reality a little. It was not the isolation of depression It was a distance from others who were not experiencing grief. Connected My dad and I shared an interest in history and politics. Without him I feel less connected to those worlds. Nobody ever wants to ask for help.
Especially when you are old and sick. By day three, he actually had to hold his mother back from literally chasing a nurse down the hall to beg her give his father too much morphine. Dementia Four or five years after, she my mother in-law was diagnosed with dementia.
As she gradually needed more care she was in the kind of place where they could gradually provide it. She died a much more comfortable and pain free death than her husband, Bill had, surrounded by her family.
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I remember thinking thank God… Just thank God for the progress in hospice care. I remember sinking, struggling for a while and then just looking up at the light. I felt I was certainly gone. I have absolutely no recollection of my aunt pulling me out of the pool. I distinctly remember sitting there looking up at the light.
It was the most peaceful feeling in the world I lost 2 liters of blood. I was in a coma for at least 24 hours. Everything turned down to the pilot light.
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I had gotten to the point where I could make a choice - if I was going to live or die. Knowing I would have to fight like hell to come out of that, also feeling this tremendous energy around me - this. For me this is proof God exists.. Incredible… incredible… feeling to be surrounded by that energy.
As she exhales. Literally a second after she stopped breathing the dryer buzzer went off. They were jolted back to reality from this spiritual moment. To have something so remarkably mundane like the dryer buzzer going off… Everytime he hears the dryer buzzer now, he thinks of that moment. If I go into the hospital maybe I should take a sharpie and write across my chest.
A friend of mine died. He was playing basketball on his lunch hour and just dropped dead of a heart attack. It was the only memorial service I ever went to I actually liked - a true memorial to his life.