Look For The Hook - A Guide To Finding Happiness, Purpose and Fulfillment, One Baby Step At A Time

A guide to finding happiness, purpose and fulfillment. One Baby Step at a time TXu Look For The Hook and the Look For The Hook logo are.
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He got me a pack of fun size Kit Kats. While he was gone, the kids always seemed to pick the worst time to come into my room i. However, by about 1 PM, the contractions had kind of trailed off. Since that was what happened when I first went into labor with Hazel, I accepted it and eventually went downstairs to do the usual mom thing. I still had one or two strong contractions every hour, though, which was really annoying. And right about then, the contractions picked up again. I was sitting on the ball, but lying back on the pile of clean laundry on the couch, and using my hypnosis for a long time.

When it really set it in that this was happening, we had a problem: Every other time, my mom had already arrived at this point. We called one of our home teachers and asked for help. He and his wife were more than happy to come over and sit with the kids. After Ryan hung up, it hit us: We rushed around to gather up the last few things to pack—after four kids, I have a very minimal hospital bag. It actually took me probably over a week to figure out even one thing to put in it other than toiletries.

So we gathered up my toiletries and things. We got to the hospital at about They said we should go to the other entrance—not the best news for a lady in labor. They got us to a triage room and I was at a 5. Disappointing for someone who usually is much further along when she gets to the hospital! But good enough to keep us there. We got moved to a room and I kept going with the HypnoBabies. She asked if I wanted my water broken, but I declined. She was fine with that and left me to work. I kept doing my HypnoBabies.

Ryan watched the rest of Galaxy Quest on his phone!!! I was kind of busy. After midnight, the contractions were getting really intense. He asked if I wanted the nurse to check me when she came in next. I said I did. I was at an 8—encouraging but discouraging at the same time. My mind is basically somewhere else. When the contraction plateaued, I opened my eyes middle position, of course and saw the doctor was back. We waited a few minutes until I felt the urge to push, and then I started pushing. My water broke on the first push.

Benjamin was born at 1: We got to hold him for a minute, then I asked the doctor not to use cord traction, so we just kind of waited around while they cleaned him up. He had a little trouble breathing. He would cry a bit but was kind of gray. We were still waiting to finish up so I checked the time on the computer next to me—3: My son, Benjamin Franklin McCollum, had the first hour of his life stolen by the government. After a couple hours, they took him to the nursery and me to my recovery room. Ryan finally returned home around 6 AM to relieve the home teacher and his wife, and catch some sleep before 11 AM church.

A friend watched the kids for a couple hours after church so Ryan could visit, and my mom changed her flight to come in the next day two days earlier than her flight had been. She got to visit with us in the hospital, and Ryan got to spend some time with us too. The kids finally got to meet their brother when I got home Tuesday. In the weeks after I had Benjamin, I read 37 novels, and in them there were a dozen or more birth scenes.

Not a one of them was anything like any of my births. I spoke in church today. Here are the notes for my talk! I adlibbed some explanations and transitions, but this is the gist of what I said. Some of it is color coded according to its source. This is me trying to talk slowly. There is always more to do and more to accomplish. Yet deep inside each of us is a need to have a place of refuge where peace and serenity prevail, a place where we can reset, regroup, and reenergize to prepare for future pressures. The ideal place for that peace is within the walls of our own homes.

We must guard our souls and our homes and make them into this refuge, a haven: Esplin, counselor in the Primary General Presidency, spoke on exactly this subject. The teacher held up two cans of soda. She squeezed the empty can. It quickly succumbed to the pressure and was crushed. Then she held up the second can, unopened and full. When she squeezed it, the soda in the can held the sides firm against her grasp.

The message, Sister Esplin said, was clear: When filled with the Spirit and with gospel truth, we have the power to withstand the outside forces of the world that surround and push against us. One place where we best seek to be filled with light and truth is in our own homes. So first, we need to understand what we mean by light and truth. Most of us probably remember verse 36, the scripture mastery from this section: But the beginning of the section discusses light and truth even more. Jesus Christ is the light of the world and the Spirit of truth. Elder Scott says that As you center your home on the Savior, it will naturally become a refuge.

To fill our homes with light and truth, we need to make the Savior the center of our home life. For each of us, the exact process we use to do this might be different. Many of us have been baptized and have received the gift of the Holy Ghost, whose role it is to reveal and teach the truth of all things. Every home is different , as Sister Esplin says. We can all receive guidance from the Holy Ghost on how best to strengthen our home and fill it with light and truth—with Christ.

Studying the scriptures and prayer keep us in touch with the Spirit so that we can continue to receive that revelation about specific things to do for our home. Doing all we can to invite the gentle, guiding influence of the Holy Ghost into our lives is critical in our attempts to center our homes on the Savior. Acting obediently on those promptings strengthens us even more. We all need a haven, a refuge from the world. None of these things by itself is a huge effort. My list will not be your list, although there will obviously be some overlap.

When we obey the commandments of the Lord and serve His children unselfishly, the natural consequence is power from God—power to do more than we can do by ourselves. Our insights, our talents, our abilities are expanded because we receive strength and power from the Lord. His power is a fundamental component to establishing a home filled with peace. We come into our families with a sacred duty to help strengthen each other spiritually. As a teenager, I thought that God gave us families to make us better by trying us.

The fulfillment of this counsel does not rest upon parents alone, although it is their role to lead. Children can be responsible for improving the Christ-centered efforts in the home. It is important for parents to teach children to recognize how their actions affect each individual who lives in the home. Strong eternal families and Spirit-filled homes do not just happen.

They take great effort, they take time, and they take each member of the family doing his or her part. When we take the whole list altogether, though, our list might seem long or daunting. He has spoken of a time and a season for all things. In response to our sincere prayers for guidance, He will direct us in what should be emphasized at each phase of our life.

We can learn, grow, and become like Him one consistent step at a time. Although our homes are in enemy territory, we have a great amount of control over what comes inside. My own temple full of love and light, where the Spirit stays with me. Both were set in the same lovely home decorated in light colors. In the bad example, the girl who lived there allowed in some friends and media that replaced her lilies with dead weeds and popped a video in her VCR that literally poured filth out of the player as black and thick as oil.

These people left black footprints and handprints on everything and even turned off her lamps. But first, she let them in. The media and the influences we invite into our home have a great impact on the amount of light and truth there. Satan knows that in order for us and our families to withstand the pressures of the world, we must be filled with light and gospel truth. So he does everything in his power to dilute, distort, and destroy the truth of the gospel and to keep us separated from that truth.

Why do people become narcissistic? Is it a symptom of something else? Narcissistic people often have narcissistic parents, who offered them a build up but no real substance. The child was only useful to these parents when they were serving a purpose for them. Often, a condescending remark will help them to reestablish their superior image.

This behavior can be traced back to the need desperate need narcissists feel to be above others. Grandiose narcissists display high levels of grandiosity, aggression and dominance. They tend to be more confident and less sensitive. They are often elitists and have no problem telling everyone how great they are. Usually grandiose narcissists were treated as if they were superior in their early childhood and they move through life expecting this type of treatment to continue. In relationships, grandiose narcissists are more likely to openly engage in infidelity or leave their partners abruptly if they feel that they are not getting the special treatment that they think they are entitled to.

Vulnerable narcissists , on the other hand, are much more emotionally sensitive. They have what Dr. They often feel victimized or anxious when they are not treated as if they are special. This type of narcissism usually develops in early childhood as a coping mechanism to deal with abuse or neglect. They can be very possessive, jealous and paranoid about their partners having flirtations or affairs.

How does a narcissistic partner negatively impact a relationship? Narcissistic relationships tend to be very challenging. They tend to only see the partner in terms of how they fill their needs or fail to fill their needs. Their mates and children are only valued in terms of their ability to meet these needs. Yet many people are drawn to narcissistic relationships. Narcissistic partners can be very captivating, especially at the beginning. However, in time, they can be too controlling in relationships.

They may feel jealous or easily hurt. When narcissistic injuries occur, they often lash out and can be cutting. Their reactions are dramatic and attention-seeking. According to narcissistic personality expert, Dr. In general, trait narcissism is associated with behaving in such a way that one is perceived as more likable in initial encounters with strangers— but this likability diminishes with time and increased exposure to the narcissistic individual. Narcissists are prone to falling madly in love with someone instantly and are very quick to commit.

However, this initial love and commitment is not easily sustained. When you are in a narcissistic relationship, you may feel very lonely. Narcissistic partners act as if they are always right, that they know better and that their partner is wrong or incompetent. Is There a Cure For Narcissism. Does the negative image of yourself they foster with their criticisms and superior attitudes resonate with your own critical thoughts about yourself?

Understanding your role in the narcissistic relationship is important. This will, in turn, challenge your partner to change their style of relating. You can also develop your own self-confidence and self-worth by learning to practice self-compassion. In all encounters, act equal, and treat your partner as an equal. How can people face and overcome their own narcissism?

The attitudes they internalized very early on in their lives. They need to recognize and challenge these attitudes toward themselves and toward others. Another way to cure narcissism is to foster self-compassion rather than self-esteem. Kristin Neff has done extensive research on self-esteem versus self-compassion. Self-compassion actually combats narcissism because it includes the idea of a shared humanity with all other human beings, which leads to more compassion for others.

Self-compassion also fosters real self-awareness, a trait many narcissists lack, as it promotes that we be mindful of our faults, which is the first step to changing negative traits in yourself. They need to focus on developing their capacity for empathy and respect of others. Being generous and giving to others are examples of behaviors that would be corrective, building real self-esteem and practicing focusing outside of oneself.

I was a major victim of a Narcissist! It has destroyed my family, business, friends and now rolls into my current relationship. I was with her for 11 years — then we split for a while, I met someone else who was wonderful and I swore that I would never go back This is before I understood what a narcissistic was or that I was being so damaged. Unfortunently, I went back to the sick narcissistic person for a few weeks- and destroyed my new relationship.

Then I found out more about a narcissist person. Why I would do such a thing? It was one of the biggest mistakes of my life to even do so. Does anyone have any advice as to why a person would go back to a Narcissist? So, I keep trying to fix the situation as we move toward finalizing the divorce. You are like me — a co-dependent.


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Most of us are attracted to what is comfortable and familiar- is it possible that one of your parents is a narcissist and that you were the co-dependent and this is why you are attracted to her? My last two relationships nearly destroyed me but finally opened my eyes to the fact that my mother is horribly mentally ill — a narcissist. It was hard to see because it seems normal to me. The other thing that helped me stay away from narcissists was asking myself if I would want my daughters treated this way. Sounds odd but if you are a co-dependent and child of a narcissist, it iis easier to empathize about others than yourself.

This is so true for me too, exactly. Dealing now with my own codependency. So painful to be lied to by these narracists. I am focusing on fixing up my emotional life and letting others take care of themselves. A light just went off in my head reading your response. If I had a daughter… Would I want my daughter to be treated this way? My last boyfriend was most definitely a narcissist… I think I would have saved myself a lot of pain and self doubt if I had ever asked myself that.

I feel I understand your situation and have had a lightbulb moment where I realised the problems associated with my narcissistic boyfriend actually stemmed from my childhood, primed by my narcissistic mother. I was conditioned to be a doormat and feel comfortable in this role. I work for the va and hold the position of a first line supervisor in my department. I actually had to look up the definition of this disorder because my service chief has displayed these characteristics to the letter. I wont go into the details of it as there is not enough ink in the printer.

Yes, that is wonderful.

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Instead of leaving and returning in a cycle that lasted months. I have just figured out what the relationship was. I remembered about narcissism, googled it, and bingo, there it all is. And while for months and months I have been being increasingly logical and explaining emotions as if I were speaking to an alien do you see these tears? I knew it, and yet refused to know it. My only question is how will I know should it happen again with someone else?

Someone as attractive and suitable intellectually and sexually, but absolutely not emotionally. I hope I will have more sense. I am looking at how my own issues prevented me from staying away, even though the facts were lined up clearly and I could see and articulate them. Wow, I thought I was in this alone. But my relationship resembles exactly what both of you have dealt with or are dealing with. After 10 years of marriage my wife and I divorced. When she was happy our life was great. But as the article states, when she got jealous or hurt she lashed out and would say some of the most hurtful things.

And she would do it in front of our children. I would ask her to stop and not say things hurtful in front of our kids but she would look at them and tell them that they need to know that daddy is a nobody. I too feel like a prisoner in my own home. The crazy thing about being married to a narcissist for 26 years! They choose people with low self esteem, and proceed to destroy their sense of self. I now realize that he has been cheating on me, and manipulating me and everyone around me, for 30 years. I have been married to a narcassist for 44 years but did not know this until I started researching 4 years ago!

I am devastated at the time and energy that I have wasted just doing his bidding all the time and fighting for my own thoughts and independence. He constantly blames me for mistakes he makes should I dare interrupt his work, he is arrogant dealing with people, he is grandiose, rude, petulant, argumentative and always right! His temper is scary altho he has never struck me. He thrives on living on the edge and takes advantage of people to gain image. He puffs up if the females around him come to talk to him because then he can boast about what he has done, where he has been, etc.

He shuns all household chores altho if pushed will do some tidying up, shopping of help move things. He arranges all travel and keeps his travel dates a secret until the last minute and I cannot plan anything for myself. Constant reminders bring forth retaliation. His family do not see what happens behind closed doors and think I cause a fuss. They think he is marvelous, talented and amazing.

mom's search for meaning

All the things which got me caught up with him now do not apply often in this house. Only conflict of his making day in and day out. At the age of 66 there is no hope or going back for me but I would advise anyone dealing with this issue to get out and never go back. They destroy you bit by bit. Hi JB, I too am a victim of a narcissistic partner.

I spent almost 5 years. It has completely devastated my life. I relocated my whole life to be with the one who I thought was the love of my life. Now, I am at a new place all alone because our relationship has ended. Of course, he blamed me, but the hurtful things that were said totally destroyed me. I figured I would give him his space for awhile, you went online and conversed with a girl for 3 weeks and now he is flying her in town 4hrs away — 55 min flight on the weekends.

I am lost and feel like I was punched in the face. Soooo, devastated and scarred from this. Totally changed my life completely. Not sure how to move on, I can barely get out of bed — I cry every day. I know my family and friends are getting tired of me dwelling. They all constantly tell me to move. I feel I was beaten to a pulp mentally. He constantly would tell me I have no substance in my life.

I walked on eggshells — he belittled me to no end. I wonder now, how long will the relationship last with his new girlfriend. This is going to be tough, especially living in a very small town. Just makes me so sick!!!! Never had such a horrific heartbreak!!

I feel the blame for everithingt that happent. Even when he chated me i thought it was my fault. My self-esteem is so low now. Hi Sel, i have just found this page as i am currently going through some things myself. I see your post was uploaded earlier in the year. I hope you are feeling better now? Whenever you get down about things and think of him with other people, just remember the way he was with you is exactly the way he will treat them. He is sick and unless he realises this and wants help, he will always be the same no matter who he is with.

Even if they look happy in pictures, i assure you behind closed doors he will treat her the same after awhile. Just ask yourself how many people knew you were unhappy while you were with him? Or did you hide it well to protect him from being judged by others?? I know i did. He may start of nice, as they all do but eventually she will experience the same things you did.

Try to feel thankful you are not with him anymore because he actually did you a favor by letting you go. I am in a 23 year relationship with a woman that craves attention from men not that she has ever cheated on me. I found out after she complained that I was ignoring her that she had met a younger man on her cell phone on what site I still do not know and was sending him a lot of money from her inheritance until she found out he was a scammer.

At first she was angry almost blaming me for him not being real and I also found out that they had been texting each other sexually. Now she is finally asking for forgiveness and telling me she is so sorry! I told her I would stay only if we went to marriage counseling. She said she is going to get counseling for herself first which caught me off guard. I was glad she has decided to do this. Everybody makes a mistake and I have forgiven her!

I went back once, and it lasted a month.

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I loved her deeply and was committed completely to this person. But, I soon realized she would seek attention wherever she could get it. I understand that underneath it all she is insecure about herself, as every so often she would cry about her lack of accomplishments in life. What I have read about the narcissistic relationship resonates wtih my. My lower self esteem kept me in this relationship of being with a person who was always the center of attention. My self esteem is better off without having a narcissistic partner. I am in the exact same situation……trapped.

Sounds to me like you are the narcissist and not the soon to be former spouse. What do you think about that? So am I plus my soon to be X did stray with other women and had an affair! Our marriage was cold and soleless! He even said it was all my fault he strayed and al he wants is someone to love and look after him! No mention of me! It was a one sided relationship with his wants and desires! Article has hit the nail right on its head!

Awful marriage I felt trapped for 28 years! I was the passive woman! It will never work and you will never be happy in this one sided relationship! I have been with my spouse for 25yrs. I just recently learnt abt narcissism. My spouse fits almost all the traits. I have tried to leave so many times but I am trapped because of my teenage son.

I kept trying to fix it and thinking i could get them to see they aint treat me right but i learned narcissist feel like you are not worthy enough to tell them how they are acting. To a narcissist they are always right and you are always wrong. You are nobody without them so it is a blessing to be with them. My mother is s narcissist and growing up i was codependent on her. I didnt decided to leave my mother and separate from husband. They both have destroyed my life with their narcissism. My life is beyond repair. I can only manage the damage and not let them add to it. I am starting over, new everything, even career.

They killed my passion to work with the mentally challened. They got me in serious debt from constantly spending my money while keeping theirs. They controlled me and my money. It is going to take 10 years to get myself and life back to the way it was when i didnt have them in my life. He has humiliated me and denied me in front of his friends and work staff.

He convinced me to give up most of my money to his family house saying it was ours. After I find out that the house is only in his and his mothers name. He made sure he paid off his credit card bills while i paid for our childs education, his dental work and om everything else so i couldnt pay off my education loan.

I have asked for a separation and moved to another part of the house. To retiliate when i must speak about business or our child he stonewalls.

Recensioner

It will be a big loss, only taking a tv and laptop with me but i just want the narcissist abuse behind me. I spent 17 years with his condescending remarks daily, physical abuse and all different kind of mental and emotional. It got so bad that i almost had a heart attack twice. Two doctors asked me in my face was i being abused cause they suspect that i am. My cluster migrains returned worse which is a red flag that i am under alot of stress. When I was a kid , I would always think of how my life would be when I got older. I would get married and together we would save money for a house and have children and 2 cars and try to live a normal life.

I wish I could leave even though im the bread winner,she has beat on me many times until I throw her off. John, more than a narcissist she sounds like a sociopath. Sociopaths have no empathy for others, like many narcissists, but the difference is a sociopath aims to enjoy hurting others either emotionally or physically.

They manipulate everyone and everyone, including family, is just a piece on a game board for them to use for their own sick, self-serving goals. I believe ur correct I had Bn married to a cross between these two types of people rolled into a one destructive package. We were married 12 years n fortunately he left me n the kids but his evilness continues n he only uses his parents, our kids n myself for creating toxic situations.

We actually had a brief time were he left all of us alone to travel but when he retuned it was worst! What can be done to survive this type of person. This man has already helped cause the early death of His father with constant worry n bailing this person out of every imagine able situation n finally his father to die. This person then plans his dads funeral before the last his dads last breath n has already stole all the valuable items from his home within hours after the funeral.

The are two children early teens n his mom that I am concerned what will happen now that he has Will in hand n only thing that stands between him n millions are these children n his mom. What took his years to build as a great family has now been n will be destroyed by this outa control adult that is very intelligent w such evil! YOUT hink they will change I guess or you think you can love them enough to make it better.

I hope your ok now. However, I have been through the exact same position with the narcissistic woman in my life. Drop me a line if you would like to share your experiences with someone who has been there too. He does complement me on both physical and personal levels and We have so much in common. This is not always though and with his jokes, he swears they are just jokes. Is he really a Narc or is he maybe a little immature sometimes less considerate?

During a recent vacation, I also noticed that he tends to be attracted to anyone who pets his eggo and wants to give him attention specially if they are attractive, man or women. I feel extremely blessed to have him in my life, we have a great intimate life and so many good times together. Am I just focussing on the negative? I realize that I am also no where near a perfect partner in this relationship. If you have such doubts with evidence, ie his behavior. Since we are taught loving is a giving gesture, oft times we forget we are supposed to get a bit back too.

Sounds like he needs an accessory in human form. Most men have quite a bit of conceit and arrogance, but you need to go to a website and find a listed symptom or list of red flags of a narcs behavior and see how many are there. Once they find ego stroking is exhausting to you, in the degree they, narcs, need it, hon that make the whole deal over pdq. I still see this woman today but feeling stressed, losing sleep, debating daily whether I should leave her or not.

She demonstrates very little interest in me or my loved ones, never believes or trusts my opinion, only hers is valid it seems. When I put lots of effort into providing help with an issue, she rudely criticizes it. I simply feel like everything I say, all I do, all I own, all my friends…have no value for her. Be courageous, your health is number one! I will try to practice what I preach and put an end to this suffering before I lose my pride and damage my health.

Get out sooner rather than later. Nadia plz take my advice married 13 yrs to a Narc with 3 kids RUN and as fast as you can!!!! PLZ do not make the same mistake I did and stay it will only get harder!!! Nadia, i feel I am in a similar situation. I have been dating a man for just under a year who I think may be indeed a Narcissist. We watched a movie last night that stated seven characteristics of the disease—and he had them all. I immediately put it together; it hit me like a ton of bricks. And then researched it after he left, and was truly amazed.

Thought it was cute and playful at first, until i realized how inflated his ego really was, and that he was actually to some extent, serious. He is very attractive, and I tell him that a lot. Not that it was a great compliment to begin with He has compliment issues. He is so so so quiet, like one of the most quiet people i know. But only in small groups i have finally noticed. Alone with me, he can be sullen and say nothing but a word for hours. But in a large group, he certainly craves attention, suddenly he becomes this extreme extrovert that i never get to see.

He can be very cold, and very distant. Run as fast as you can girlfriend. My guy did the same way. Seems after that one year mark they feel safe enough for their true self to come out and it only gets worse. Been 5 years now. OH my god anonymous! It is so amazing, i am so amazing. Nadia, just because a man wants his ego stroked does not make him a narcissist.

You also admitted witholding compliments to him, meaning you are being willful. To be blunt, you sound too ungiving to attract a true narcissist, so I would not worry about him. I would go into couples Counselling if I were you. Your relationship sounds mendable. You will be lost. I know you feel strong love for him, but the love was based on his charming mask.

They can be oh so attentive and praising. Take good care of yourself. Show yourself some love,…. I just read your post and felt like I just wrote it. My situation is identical to yours. I see such red flags but half of me sees a man who loves me, acknowledges some things and tries to work on them. He is emotionless and all of the things I feel we have talked about and promised are thrown out the window again.

I am losing my trust, respect and confidence in him. The ego thing rules. He is not physically abusive but I feel he is emotionally abusive. I just read your article and felt I needed to respond which is something I never do. How are things with you and your husband now? I see this was posted in February. Stay strong and I hope God guides us both in the right direction. This issue can be so so confounding. So my advice, if I could go back and put myself in your shoes, would be not to focus so much on what he does we all have narcissistic behaviors, and narcissists themselves can act normal so much of the time , but to start asking the hard questions about how you relate emotionally with this man.

Can you bring your dreams, frustrations, fears, and hopes to him and feel completely accepted and supported? Does he give you the freedom to be the you you always wanted to be? Or do you find yourself walking on eggshells, and are you starting to question who you are becoming? Remember narcissists are usually loving and complimentary when you are an extension of them… but threatened when you stop reflecting their world back to them.

How does he react when you go deep, or are vulnerable? Mine would simply get up and leave the room or change the subject and tell me I was boring. Owning your feelings of course, and not blaming him. Is his concern for your feelings and for the relationship, or is he more concerned with protecting his ego? I picked up a number of red flags in your post relative to this area, which is why I responded, but truly at this point its hard to tell if it is him, or if it is you, or if it is the dance the two of you are doing in your relationship as you can reinforce narcissistic tendencies in each other.

In my experience, getting emotionally vulnerable and honest with him over time is a good way to test the relationship by yourself, but you may want to sit down with a good counselor or therapist and review your concerns. Little red flags in your intuition level almost never go away on their own, so pay attention to them.

Every good relationship should be able to work through these issues and resolve them with or without help, and I would make a solid effort in that direction before either moving deeper with the relationship or getting out. That is the only way to know for sure what you are dealing with. Best of luck to you and your man, I hope you are able to resolve these red flags and that he moves toward you rather than away!

Nadia, I have a similar situation to Carol. It took 40 years of marriage before I finally found out, through counseling, that my husband is narcissistic. His family saw him as the hero and the perfect one. Believe me, your man has found the way to manipulate your own fragilities and emotionally, you will end up looking like the crazy, while he continues to play your emotions like a yo-yo. He will appear to all as the hero and the good guy. You will become withdrawn and terribly lonely. You will not trust yourself or anyone.

It is a slow death of a personality, goals, and dreams. Locate a qualified therapist that can help you become emotionally intelligent so you will be less likely to draw that type of a personality towards you in the future. Otherwise, you may have the tendency to go from one relationship to another, repeating the same confusing pattern. We both agreed that I would be a stay at home mom until the kids were in school.

We have a fairly large family, no regrets there. But when it came time for me to go back to school, and get an education and training with the intentions of becoming employed in a profession of choice, he sabotaged me, and would not pull his weight with helping around the house and with the children. The last straw for me was when he made hurtful and discouraging remarks towards my academic achievements.

My folding just fed his behavior. I turned on myself and absorbed all the blame and all the hurtful remarks. I became a recluse. Now, I am 61 going on 62 and I have health problems. We are still married. We both are learning and trying harder to communicate and be more considerate of each other. So I have noticed improvement for about 9 months now. They say it is never too late. I am stepping out by volunteering a couple of days a week. I am surprised that I am so uncomfortable doing this. But I know that I use to be an outgoing and a sociable person.

I am taking on-line classes just to have goals and to learn more about things that I wish to learn about. But what future is there for me now? Yeah I had one of these. He flirted with men and women to the point that he allowed others to put me down in front of him in order to get his attention and vise versa. He was great if no one else was around but the minute any person came around I was in the back seat and completely ignored or put down.

I agree with Elena…. What happens later on when they get rather nasty is that you continue hoping that this lovely charmer from the past will somehow reappear. Problem is that charm was an act, they are only ever interested in their own needs. I would expect teenager to say those things but not a grown up health person. Please read about codependency so you can become free one day.

And neither is that girls boyfriend. How does your girlfriend treat you? How does she make you feel when shes around? Gone to work colleagues or even police to get himself out.

MamaBlogga

He got diabetes type 2 and no 1 stress cancer pancreatic cancer, got 6months to live, died in 3months!! My mum fake cried when he died. Secretly she looked relieved and happy like a burden had been lifted off her. My dad wantedivorce twice but he was too weak to leave her. And probs the fear that she would ruin him, his reputation etc. Leave now my dad did not have the chance. I did, I left a ten year narc marriage. I am a single mum to four children. If I had stayed I would be dead! Its ALL and will only be about her.

They are cold and have no conscience!! Just plan your move,your escape. Narcs is a good word to describe these individuals, from their eyes looking at the world, all they see is themselves. I just got out of a narcissistic relationship and am mourning ha! I have always been happy within myself and comfortable with me. I need to work myself out of the funk, soon!

Can you please send me the link of the paragraph you referred to. My ex fiancee is classic passive aggressive without knowing it and what astounds me is that these narcissistic people have these traits seemingly innate. My female narcissist partner was wrecking my health taunting me with cruel texts about pulling men in nightclubs , twisting round everything I said, and taking advantage of men although I am not 20 years older than her to worship her.

She loved the power she had over us all and I pity the next victim. To retain my sanity I had to end it and in just over 18 months she was hinting at getting engaged after about 2 or 3 weeks, classic narcissist again , we did: No more will she control me and I will never put up with this behaviour from another woman. I should have stuck to my gut feeling and ended it after the first 2 months she presssed the right buttons so to speak and begged me to take her back.

Then a never ending cycle began: Nearly put me in a grave. I was married for 20 years to a narc man. I freed myself several years ago, and then read everything I could about the illness. One shattering thing they tend to do— and what was done to me—is that a narc will pick a person who has attributes they secretly envy and want for themselves.

I was intelligent, tall and very good-looking, and the way my family lived made it look as though we were rich. None of this mattered to me, I had low self-esteem and narc parents. I was also very naive. How I wish I could turn back time. This man wished for the things I had growing up —as HE saw them. He grew up poor, 7 years older than me and a custodian. Not true, because of my self-esteem. I ended up just feeling bad that his esteem was so low. So he finished his demolition work and destroyed me, as I no longer fed his narc food anymore. I ended up pithed, scooped out like a melon.

I no longer had friends. I lost most my teeth because he denied me dental care— even when I carried the insurance! And yet I was a trophy for him to show off This is my gorgeous, talented, father-is-a novelist and art collector-wife! All that time, too, he had been cheating and doing really awful stuff. They take, then discard. If ever you have doubts about a partner, and they are not taken seriously. If you see flashes of extreme envy toward yourself especially! If your achievements are not really celebrated.

If you are cut down while the other is raised up. When you wonder why this person loves, or even likes, you. They seem to have no sense of shame, and force things to go their way. When there is anything hidden, like finances. Run away, as fast as you can. Your life will be strangled, your gifts and true goodness warped or lost. Your sense of direction, your moral compass, your vision of the world—skewed, smashed.

I was scared for my life, as were my siblings. His assault landed him in court, where I had to testify while he stared me down with the most evil look. A 2 year restraining order, and some assault charge that carried no jail time, was put on him. He stopped pursuing me. After that, I saw him only from afar, a few times, for those two years— but I always looked over my shoulder, I was afraid to go to the city where he had told people I had narced on them turned out that was a lie, and many of those people actually liked me and felt really sorry for me!

For two years I struggled to get some life back. He immediately moved a lover I knew nothing about into my house and onto my dirty sheets and used towels! At the end of those two years, to the very date, he showed up at my work, all sentimental smiles and flowers! I told him no, and never to bother me. But he kept popping up, acting all nice and— I realized his narcissism could not bear to have me in the world, hating him. These people are so dangerous. He once gloated over me, while we were divorcing, that I had been so easy to deceive the whole thing is your fault, he said, because you were so easy to manipulate.

These people are killers, too. I have one friend who died suddenly, and I knew her husband was a narcissist. He sold her car and most of her stuff before the funeral cremation had a new girlfriend really, a lover from his office in the house in a month. Moved to a new state far off in 5 months. My friend had some medical problems but— no autopsy. That could have been me, or you.

I really think he killed her. I think that is a true risk with these people. They can be so enchanting, charming, almost addictive—as my ex was. Watch yourself while you are with them, then when you leave them— if they are not done with you yet, and you decide to leave, they will be absolutely wounded, and a narcissist is capable of things you would not even think of.

I think you covered the nearly exact version of my husband and me — with the exceptions my husband was a very good looking underachiever from a broken home — what my friends called a loser but whom I thought was capable of everything he said he wanted. I am 61 and abandoned after 23 years — and yes, he says I was just stupid to believe him — they do not have the same values and they will leave you for dead — because you being alive is just one more proof they arent what they say they are. Not be treated like they are diseased serial killers. Dont run from someone you are in love with, help them through it.

And entered myself into therapy through an anger management program after my divorce left me feeling betrayed and unable to consider why my wife of 5 years and 2 daughters could possibly do what she did to me. I learned that I suffer from narcissistic behavior, and that I was torturing her. And a woman, even a good one can only handle so much. I have learned a great deal about myself since that time. Dedicated to staying sober and celibate I began my journey to correct my behavior. Now 10 years later, I have found myself in a wonderful relationship with the most amazing woman I have ever met.

We have many differences yet we have managed to have an amazing relationship. And now with a recent promotion at a new job, we spend less and less time together and I have noticed an increase in alcohol use. We have an increasingly difficult time communicating and I am so afraid that my behavior is becoming tortuous to her. She suffers herself from depression issues and she is also divorced. She has been off her medication for more than a year. We have both agreed that we need to see a therapist. However the financial stresses of life make that a difficult choice.

My income is so tight due to child support and ex house payments. Yet I am aware of my behavior and find it difficult to constantly monitor. It is very difficult living as a narcissist. It took 15 weeks of therapy just to accept that this is a reality of myself. I really want to do this right. I do not wish to torture my mate. And find it increasingly difficult to bite my tongue and just listen. The frustration is that it seems like I am the only one that does listen. I have a very good relationship with my 2 girls, but for how long if my behavior is not corrected. I am doing my very best in finding outlets to my behavioral disorder.

However working around the clock and only seeing my lady in passing through the week is challenging. I have a history in substance abuse.. In my childhood I had a wonderful family. My little sister has a wonderful husband. My mother passed away at the age of My father is a pilot and flies all over the world. I am so proud to call him dad. Yet I am the black sheep. I moved out of my parents house when I was 16, married at 19, and divorced at Now 32 with 13 and 11 year old daughters that live more than an hour away, I am finding myself falling back into the same patterns.

Hi Margaret, If I can give you any advice after the last 9 months of being with a narcisist that I loved dearly is. I have studied this now, spoken to many people. The the narcissist is not going to help you. You can only help yourself. I met a woman through friends who I feel in love with.

The first real love connection since my divorce 4 years ago. This woman is one of the most attractive and intelligent women I have ever met. I would have children with her. She told me that she loved me but. I have never felt so alone as when I was with her. I couldnt understand how this person could say she loved me yet act in the reverse. I had to look at what she did not what she said. So always seeking the attention of men it was embarrassing.

As of I was not there. When it was in her interest, she would considered and loving, when we had no plans, I could get no attention from her. For my own sanity I had to leave. Constantly on Facebook posting photos and looking for attention. Rated how well get life was going by the number of likes. In the end I found her on to website that sought financial arrangements for love. She blamed me that I was not giving her enough attention. My daughters could not understand why a grown up would behave the way she did. In the end my eldest daughter would joke. Walk away from someone who in done ways was so beautiful but in others so ugly and hurtful.

She will not change. She will continue to hurry the next man and the next and the next. Confirmation for me was that the day we broke up, she went out that night and smeared herself all over Facebook with another man and disgusting comments of what they may have got up to. I did not see them and the next night she claimed she was ill and she asked me to come over and stay the night so she had company.

She had no words but just blame. But do much for the best. It hurts today still at the moment. She was mentally ill. I deserve to be happy as well. You must leave and find happiness. I was married to a Narc who was 15 years younger than me. I met her when I was She was very attractive and following a whirl wind romance, we got married six months after we met.

This was crazy behaviour but I had fallen completely in love with her and she told me that she loved me also. It took me about 2 months to realise that things were not right. Her behaviour was really odd — always seeking the limelight and on a high one moment and crying with despair the next.

She was manipulative and Had a massive sense of her own self importance. We had three beautiful daughters who are the love of my life. I provided my wife with everything that she wanted but in the end we split in very acrimonious circumstance and I have not spoken to her for 5 years.

I was completely outclassed in deception and it is with some regret that I know it will never happen again. My life was nearly destroyed by this narcisicist but I managed to break free and I can now look ahead with a degree of confidence about my future. I think i may have just been in a relationship with one. I would like to talk to someone who knows more about this because i have never experienced anything like it until now. My girlfriend went out to run an errand on July 22nd and just now messaged me, she only wants her clothes back.

Is this at all a good idea, or will this just give her another reason to keep jumping into my life as pleases? I am planning on leaving the state any day now, I need distance and reduced access to lick my wounds. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Rita of Cascia endured years of abuse. I will keep you in my prayers and remember, none of this will matter in years time!

Dalai Lama's guide to happiness

Pray for me too please James. I am a Christian married to someone I suspect is a narcissist. Read up on narcissism.