Surviving Abuse

Every stage of healing from abuse is different. The first and most important step is accepting what has happened and making the decision to.
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Is there evidence that he'll turn on me later? It's enough to make me crazy, and probably doesn't do too much good for someone who might like me. And, to top it off, I can't keep my mouth shut about abuse. I talk about it all the time.

Surviving sexual abuse

Not my abuse, but domestic violence in general. I'm an encyclopedia of domestic abuse, every word I've read burned passionately on my insides. I feel like The Abuse Monitor, jotting down names and keeping track of demerits that could get you kicked off the bus. But, on the other hand, I've learned to ask more questions like, "Do you mean that you think I'm stupid because. Abusers aren't used to being called on their crap and typically answer sarcastically, and non-abusers look befuddled before saying anything. Number three on my list of crappy things is learning that avoiding abuse did not help me avoid substance abusers.

Substance abusers, if you haven't noticed, are emotional roller coasters that will not stop to let you off no matter how much you beg Effects of Substance Abuse on Family Members. You simply have to jump off and hope you land on your feet. Which, this year, I did not. I landed on my heart and there's a huge goose egg on it. The friend who broke my heart into little bitty pieces didn't do it because he wanted to control me.

6 Ways Your Life Indisputably Changes After Surviving Emotional Abuse

He did it because he relapsed into his addiction. And really, I broke my heart more than he did because I'm the one who chose to walk away. The emotional roller coaster looping around substance abuse is different from the one encircling domestic violence.

The only thing they have in common is the possibility of losing myself either on The La-La Trail of relationship abuse or in the pit of substance codependency. But at the end of the crap, I must remember that surviving abuse is my super power. I left my abuser and found a healthier life; I'll never ever regret leaving. Although surviving abuse and then leaving it carries its own type of trouble, I'd rather live the life I'm creating for me than the life he wanted to create for me. Kellie, funny I should read this today. This morning noticed myself straining to hear how my husband was breathing.

If he breaths faster and nasally, there's a good chance he'll go me about something. So what you said about the boots, oh boy, I get it! As for the rest of your post, I get that too. It doesn't take much conversation with people to know that everyone is carrying a load of something that's difficult to deal with. I know that if, or when, I leave, I will exchange one set of difficulties for another.

The new issues may be something I can't even envision yet. Right now, my pros and cons lists keep me here. I appreciate your honesty. It's good to be reminded that there will still be troubles. Most of us know that anyway. Peace, love and light on the roadway ahead to you. The book "Trust After Trauma" by Aphrodite Matsakis helped me to begin the trust needed to be in a relationship - as a male abused by some females Take care, Mike www. Hi Kellie, I'm so glad that you posted this.

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Everyone thinks I should be happy that the ex is out of my life but there are so many things that remind me of him and the abuse. I think my euphoria lasted about a month before I realized what really happened to me. I'm so glad that I'm no longer in the relationship but I'm not sure how my past will impact future relationships. I did so much research on abuse after leaving the relationship, so now I'm very careful about figuring out what people are really saying.

Life after abuse is still difficult but in a different way, I hope is better for both of us. Thanks for this article. I left my abusive husband when my kids were age 3 and 5. It's been a long hard slog particularly financially. All these years later, he is doing so well that he can take the kids overseas once a year. He continues to appear and present very well and I find myself wrestling with whether I did the right thing.

He's in a relationship where it's looking like they are very happy while I continue to be single after a long line of more abusive drop kick men. I'm actually not game to get involved with anyone and am trying to be at peace being single before I hopefully change my pattern of being attracted to this type of man. Good luck and best wishes to all of us for a truly prosperous and peaceful Wow ive been through it. Im not remarried at all just a half yr since but abuse beats u to the core. But i always say before couples sperate keep trying. Healing is a process not a magic thing that happens instantly one day.

Every time you have a negative thought about yourself challenge it with a positive one.

Surviving Narcissistic Abuse Right After Your Shattering

For everything you think bad about, think something good about. Over time, this really helps your train of thought and eventually the negativity is fewer and far In between compared to the positive thoughts. Challenge yourself to do this daily for a better mindset. Knowing your worth comes with time. It takes trail and error to realize what the lies are and what the truth really is.

Do not let someone else's opinion of you determine your self-worth. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and entrusting your worth with another is never a good thing to do. You are a child of God. You are a beautiful individual. You are SO special. It does not matter how many times you have been called worthless, nothing, low down. It does not matter how many horrid things you have been called or told you are. None of that determines how much you are worth. If the person you are with does not treat you like something worth losing, then they do not deserve you.

Know your worth and walk away from those who don't. There are many women who get into relationships with the best of intentions only for it to end up a very hazardous situation. They do not know how to leave without escalating the violence. They may be afraid to pack their things in fear of what their partner will do to them if they were to try and leave.

This is a real problem but there are many real options as well. Even if you have gotten away; If are having difficulties recovering from the abusive relationship and need some professional advice, there are many places you can seek help. You do not have to remain silent about your suffering.

6 Ways Your Life Indisputably Changes After Surviving Emotional Abuse | Thought Catalog

There are others out there who care, who want to help. Abusive people have perfected the art of tearing a person down from the inside out. Ruining their self image, destroying their self confidence and making them feel worthless. They will tell you lies all day long to make you believe that no one cares, that no one will believe you if you tell them the truth of what is happening. Worst of all, they are charming and outgoing, so many people may even believe what they have to say.

Seeking help is so important because it allows you to open up to someone who can really see what is going on. It allows you to talk to someone who will not only take your side, but teach you ways to rebuild what that person had destroyed. There will come a point in time where you can move on. When someone will come into your life and make you realize that not all people are horrible. Someone who will value you for who you are and not only see your worth, but admire it. This person will show you how you should be loved. It will be a scary day, when you realize you are ready to love again.

You may question yourself and if things will turn out the same way. Remind yourself that not everyone is your ex. Not everyone is going to devalue you as a person, hurt you the way they did, or try to control you. Allow yourself to open up and trust, love, and move on. You have come so far. Be honest with this person.


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  • Accepting What Happened!

Tell them what you have been through. If they are the right one, this person will be understanding and love you unconditionally. They will be gentle with your scars. They will be equally as gentle with your heart. Hold on for this day to come for it is sure to. Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. A wonderful, insightful hub. You were very wise to remind those who have been anused to seek out professionals to talk to. Abuse can come from fathers, mothers, lovers, husbands and co-workers. We must never, ever blame ourselves for someone else's wrongdoings. You've done a good job here.

My best to you for a happy and fulfilled life.


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For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: Accepting What Happened Every stage of healing from abuse is different. Yes No I'd prefer not to say.. I believe so, but Im not sure.. Healing Healing takes time. Tips Every time you have a negative thought about yourself challenge it with a positive one. Know Your Worth Knowing your worth comes with time. Seeking Help There are many women who get into relationships with the best of intentions only for it to end up a very hazardous situation. Moving On There will come a point in time where you can move on.

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