Is He Depressed or What?: What to Do When the Man You Love Is Irritable, Moody, and Withdrawn

Is he depressed, they wonder, or what? The tricky part of or What? What to Do When the Man You Love Is Irritable, Moody, and Withdrawn.
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It's vitally important for courageous people like you to share their experiences so others can better understand what's happening to them and not feel so alone. Please take good care of yourself. I am Moody person. I usually thinik I know what got me in a mood but now I question if I am correctly identifying the source.

Jekyll and Hyde, Irritable Males And Attachment Love | HuffPost

Can moodiness be improved without consulting a professional? I was wondering the same, I usually go quiet and take time to think things through in my head. But I know this is hard for my partner because I don't always explain why, my thought process on something that has been said etc carriers me to think and then think some more on other experiences, this is when I go quiet and 'moody' then when I've thought it through in my own head I'm usually ok and go back to my usual way; But I see how this affects my partner and then I feel he is in a mood.

Street some time of awkwardness he asks again and I try to explain but it doesn't help. I apologise but he does also age I tell him no it is me. Because I know it is, I wish I could just wake up and not be moody it worries me no end, he deserves so much more. Sorry there were some typos: After some time of awkwardness he asks again and I try to explain but it doesn't help.

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I apologise but he does also and I tell him no it is me. I absolutely see my relationship in your article. My relationship of 5 years is a roller coaster of emotions and has become worse over time. We have been thru many counselors and he is very good about manipulating the way he wants it portrayed to them so he can prove it is not him.

But it continues - days of "stonewalling" and then complete extreme over the top behaviors. How do you have someone have more self-awareness and want to change knowing it is affecting his relationships? People who don't take responsibility for their abusive behavior are highly resistant to treatment.

Is He Depressed or What?: What to Do When the Man You Love Is Irritable, Moody, and Withdrawn

Often, the only thing that helps them change is their partner's ultimatum to leave them if their behavior doesn't improve. When they are faced with losing their partner, they may be more willing to get into treatment. But remember, being abusive is often related to a person's core values. They believe it's okay to mistreat others. It takes a lot of hard work to change that belief. It's also important to understand that not all moodiness is negative and rude and mean like you have described in your article.

Hi, my partner is extremly moody. His mood will change very quickly and cam be very extreme. We have been together for 12yrs and have a 9yr old daughter. About a month ago I reached my breaking point with him, which I told him. He asked if we could go attend counseling which i agreed too and made it clear that he needed to understand that there would need to be changes and issues addressed in counseling, which he agreed.

Our last season I addressed his moodiness and how its affecting not only me but our daughter, he was not happy but accepting of what i was saying. However later that evening and the days following have been a complete nightmare and he has stated he will not change. I do not want to break to break our family apart but his behavior and actions are not acceptable. He takes absolurely no responsibity for his behavior.


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I had my attorney file custody papers last Thursday for our daughter, under no circumstances am i willing to leave her with him. Any thoughts on what his response and reaction will be when we leave? I do feel he may possibly have Borderline Personality Disorder. As a queer person, I started reading this and felt happy that there was a gay couple in these examples, because representation matters.

Then, I realised you just used their queerness to show how damaged and broken they are.

Know when your partner’s moods are hiding bigger issues

This was completely unnecessary. They could have been gay and you could have used anything as a reason for broodiness, such as "he had issues with his relationship with his mother" or "he was stressed from work". Just because we are queer doesn't mean we are inherently broken. I appreciate your comment and your point is well-taken. The reason I decided to make Daniel's issue about self-acceptance is because I have treated quite a number of clients, both men and women, who don't accept themselves fully as gay and this causes problems in their relationships. The reason, of course, they don't accept themselves as gay is because of the oppression of others and a general lack of acceptance of gayness in our society by narrow-minded and fearful people.

I want to emphasize this issue because it's so important that gay people accept themselves regardless of the feelings and opinions of others. Hi my partner of two years goes into quiet moods and then doesn't talk to me for hours, but he talks nicely to everyone else. He only started to do this after about 9 months into our relationship, but it is happening more often now. I have told him that I can't deal with the way it makes me feel.

It makes me feel very sad and empty. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only. Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual s.

Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses. No correspondence takes place. Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician. So, congratulations on your clear understanding because that is actually an accomplishment.

The key outstanding question in your description above will be your deciding whether the marriage can be saved. This is going to come down to how much selfishness, disrespectfulness and irresponsibility you can take from him and still feel okay about yourself and your situation. It is not a question of whether the marriage can endure; it is more a question of how much disrespect you will put up with before it becomes better to leave than to stay.

Perhaps you will have to learn to be more assertive with him, not backing down, not giving in, and not letting him off the hook when he does something selfish all the while, doing your level best to communicate rationally, and to not raise your voice or become whiny. Any attempts you make to assert your needs will likely be met with resistance, however.


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  • Moodiness Is a Key Sign of Controlling Behavior | Psychology Today Australia.

    • It seems that he escalates and threatens whenever you push him for something because he knows that this will shut you down. You can expect that the more firmly you advocate for respectful thoughtful treatment, the more you will be yelled at and threatened with divorce. You will need to be ready for this. While these occasions sting, the pain is often fleeting and we get over it quickly.


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      • But according to Dr. Sue Johnson , founder of "Emotionally Focused Therapy," "countless studies on infant and adult attachment suggest that our close encounters with loved ones are where most of us attain and learn to hold on to our emotional balance.

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      And almost all of us have at least one hypersensitivity -- a raw spot in our emotional skin -- that is tender to the touch, easily rubbed and deeply painful. When this spot gets rubbed often enough, it can bleed all over our relationship. When our need for attachment and connection is repeatedly neglected, ignored or dismissed, it results in two potential raw spots: It may not be obvious to us, but when a man becomes irritable and angry or hostile and blaming or withdrawn and cold hearted, it is often because he feels a disconnection from his partner.

      He feels rejected or not cared for. Of course, his hostile reaction often drives his partner farther away, which makes him even more fearful of loss. It's easy to get caught up in the blame game. He blames her and she blames him. But it doesn't have to be that way. Both males and females are sensitive to emotional deprivation and abandonment. When women feel disconnected they often express it with sadness and hurt. When men feel disconnected they often express it as hypersensitivity and irritability. We often feel ashamed of our attachment needs, associating them with being children.

      But research shows that we need to feel attached to our mates just as much as we needed to feel attached to our mothers and fathers.