The Year My Son and I Were Born: A Story of Down Syndrome, Motherhood, and Self-Discovery

The Year My Son and I Were Born: A Story of Down Syndrome, Motherhood, and Self-Discovery by Kathryn Lynard Soper () [Kathryn Lynard Soper].
Table of contents

Down syndrome -- Patients -- Family relationships. Summary With six other children at home, Kathryn Lynard Soper was prepared for the challenges another newborn would bring. I rubbed my arms and legs with a rough washcloth, determined to scrub away not only blood and sweat and oil, but also doubt. Of course I could love Thomas.

See a Problem?

I loved him as I'd loved each of my new babies, with a primal strength full and fierce. Yet I knew the bond wouldn't be enough, not for long. Thomas deserved human love, the delight and appreciation and tenderness one unique person feels for another. I'd never felt this for a person with Down syndrome or any other disability.

I didn't know if I could. How one mother learned to bond with her disabled son and gained a new perspective on life. Kathryn Lynard Soper is the author of Gifts: She is the president of The Segullah Group—a nonprofit organization that produces personal writings for a variety of outlets. She is also a coordinator of the Gifts Outreach program, where resources relating to Down syndrome are heavily promoted, and she is a public speaker for the National Down Syndrome Congress and the Down Syndrome Association of Atlanta. Taking us through her first year as the mother of a child with Down Syndrome, Kathryn Soper shares the contradictory emotions, self-doubts, and even spiritual questions that many young parents experience during that time but rarely admit even to friends.

Along the way, her graceful, unsentimental, and gently humorous writing takes us through many struggles: In the end, she comes to see how to live life in a new way -- and so did I.


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Even though I don't like the book, it does seem that Ms. Soper has developed and grown into a better person from her personal experiences.


  1. Year My Son and I Were Born.
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  3. Computer Intensive Methods in Control and Signal Processing: The Curse of Dimensionality;
  4. Ears to Hear.
  5. Outrunning The Storm.
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    8. Hopefully others who have an initially very difficult time with accepting a special needs child will get through it more easily with some idea of the better things to come. Will add more later when I finish. Oct 23, Emilie rated it liked it Shelves: First, I should mention that I accept this book as this woman's truthful journey through accepting, dealing with and eventually flourishing after the diagnosis of her 7th child having Down Syndrome. The text itself is well written, well thought out and emotionally moving. Where I had difficulty is in her coping process itself.

    Although there were many thoughts and ideas I understood and sympathized with, there were also many times 3. I was particularly put off by her thoughts concerning religious stereotypes and the misguided feelings she had towards the members of her congregation during the first year of her son's life.

    I am also a member of the same church as the author, and it really should be stated that the views she shared as norms and expectations in the Mormon Church are not universal, but are largely affected by HER personal views. I have never felt the same pressures to display perfection, buck up and put on a brave front that she seems to communicate is present in the Mormon faith in general.

    Thankfully, the last third of the book resolves as she comes into her own acceptance of the diagnosis, how it affects her family dynamic and her life.

    She even resolves her feelings towards her church congregation and well-meaning friends. She leaves on an uplifting note, however, I was left with a still lingering, slightly bitter taste in my mouth at what I feel is a completely honest, yet disheartening view at processing grief, change and altered expectations. Oct 06, Michael Austin rated it it was amazing Shelves: It is a book about learning from a painful situation and growing from an unanticipated, and unchosen, challenge. Like all great memoirists, Soper is brutally honest with her readers. She does not hide her most horrible thoughts from us, but neither does she hide her altruistic motivations and her moral triumphs.

    She is neither the hero nor the villain of her own story, but, as the title suggests, the person who undergoes the greatest transformation. She learns extraordinary lessons as she forges a relationship with Thomas, her seventh child, who was born with Down syndrome, but she does not pretend to resolve all of the tensions that her narrative sets up. Rather, she learns or at least begins to learn how to live with those tensions and to live well in spite of them.

    Her book is not about triumphing over obstacles indeed, it would be impossible, after reading the book, to refer to Thomas as an "obstacle" but about moving forward when moving forward is the only option. It is about an ordinary person doing extraordinary things because the circumstances require it--and learning extraordinary lessons as a result. An extraordinary person, Soper suggests, may simply be ordinary person who does what it takes to keep living. Over and over, Soper gives us much of the knowledge and understanding that she purchased at a great price.

    But--and this is infinitely more important--she also gives us hope. Kathryn is still in the hospital and her mom and the children have arrived. They have to check immunizations and cleanse the children. This book is so powerful. I've never been a parent so I try to glean what I can from experiences of parents.

    The Year My Son and I Were Born: A Story of Down Syndrome, Motherhood, and Self-Discovery

    As I met a lot of parents with special needs online, I have learned so much about love. Not all parents can handle a special need's child and I don't want to judge those who are not able to handle this emotionally, financially, or spiritually. Some people Kathryn is still in the hospital and her mom and the children have arrived. Some people are not able to even handle a healthy child.

    This is the most real journey that I have read so detailed and insightful.

    The year my son and I were born : a story of Down Syndrome, motherhood, and self-discovery

    The language is so beautiful. I've been reading the literary journal, Segullah, which she edits since and read the blog. So I thought I wanted to see what this book is all about. The following is after I finished The book really focuses on so many real emotions, which the Kathryn so honestly shares so that people can know that they are normal if they wrestle with such feelings. The birth of a special needs child will change their family in so many ways that they never dreamed.

    She also shows how treating depression can help a person see clearly again. But the depression followed other births and other periods in her life though it was the deepest after the birth of her 7th child. There are a lot of ups and downs. It is a very sweet read. Jul 11, Cindy rated it really liked it. I don't often put books that I read in here but this one I wanted to. I saw a mention of it recently, and since I'm still excited that our library system here has LDS books I put it on hold and it came in today.

    The kids wanted to go to the pool tonight so I took it along to read, and ended up reading the whole thing. There were things about the book I didn't love, but as a whole I really really loved it.

    A Story of Down Syndrome, Motherhood, and Self-Discovery, First Edition

    She does such a great job of showing the pit of depression and despair she was experiencing I don't often put books that I read in here but this one I wanted to. She does such a great job of showing the pit of depression and despair she was experiencing, and explaining about her resistance to antidepressants because surely if she was "good enough" she wouldn't need them. I've never had much experience around kids with Down's syndrome but I could still relate with many of her experiences--premature birth I was giving thanks again for my painfree c-section as I read her birth description , zillions of doctors visits, postpartum depression, etc.

    In the end I felt uplifted and really glad that I'd read this book. And still excited that I was able to get it from the library! Feb 15, Lisa rated it liked it. I am having a hard time deciding how much I liked this book. It was interesting enough that it kept me up late continuing to turn the pages, but on some level it fell short of what I expected. In addition to Down syndrome, there are some other dominating themes in the story as well: She's extremely honest and forthright about her struggles to come to terms with her son's diagnosis, and I related to a lot of it, but other things, not so much.

    But it goes without saying that everyone's experience is unique. I think I would have liked to give this book 2. Aug 11, Jessica rated it really liked it. Soper intentionally wrote her bitter, nasty, fatalist last line into each chapter on purpose, but I did find it a bit too much after a while. Despite this one complaint I was keenly interested in the story she told of her own coming to terms with her seventh child having Trisomy 21, or Down's Syndrome. Yes, she was honest. She excelled at painting the picture of her psyche, her chaotic home, her prison bedroom, her cold marriage, her terrible plummet into an inability to cope wi I'm guessing Ms.

    She excelled at painting the picture of her psyche, her chaotic home, her prison bedroom, her cold marriage, her terrible plummet into an inability to cope with even the smallest effort in her life. And she wrote of her recovery equally well. A slow realization into the truth of her situation, and a rapid ascent into healing. Postpartum depression is an ugly beast by itself, but snarling on the heels of coping with the reality of a disabled child would throw me into a state I don't like to think of. This being a true story, and the child being a real little boy, I am grateful to know that Soper found the place she needed to be to enjoy the life they share.

    Nov 02, 'becca rated it really liked it. Her little Thomas was born just a year or so before William I think. It was so good to read that she has had some of the same thoughts as I have had. I didn't and don't have all of her challenges, but we both have a little boy with Down syndrome. And, therefore, have experienced some life-changing things the same.

    The Year My Son and I Were Born A Story of Down Syndrome, Motherhood, and Self Discovery

    It's nice to know there are other parents out there who don't buy into the stereotypes even the positive ones Some of Her little Thomas was born just a year or so before William I think. Some of this was hard to read emotionally. But I laughed aloud at the I've-so-been-there parts, and got teary frequently throughout as she and her family discovered the things that were really important. Dec 29, Kris Wells rated it it was amazing.

    The author is an obvious perfectionist with older children who excelled in everything they did. She worried she could not love a child who was not as smart or quick as her others. At times, I cringed as I read her feelings but they felt very real and I can't say I wouldn't have a lot of the same feelings. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and it made me appreciate that no family is perfect even if it appears to be on the outside. Being able to let go of that need for perfection is really freeing and healthy.

    I've been thinking about it constantly ever since I started reading it! A remarkably honest account of dealing with a Down syndrome diagnosis. Soper's account was painful at times, especially in that my own experience was so very similar. She has a unique perspective in that she is entrenched in a Mormon community where "special" children are highly valued This was a refreshing read after having just finished Kelle Hampton's charmed and ca A remarkably honest account of dealing with a Down syndrome diagnosis.

    This was a refreshing read after having just finished Kelle Hampton's charmed and carefully polished account. I've moved past diagnosis but this book was still like salve to my soul. May 24, Teri rated it it was amazing. This was one of those books that is hard to put down!!! I loved the author's writing and her willingness to share her personal story with the world!