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A friend says he bedded two women on the night of September 11, , as they all watched television together. But — as in many stories I hear — there's an imbalance. One of the women had a serious, unreciprocated crush on him.

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I'm undaunted, but no closer to finding a candidate. Fortunately, my husband and I extend the deadline a few weeks past his birthday after realizing that, between work trips and school holidays, we don't actually have time for a threesome until the end of the month. I decide to have a look at some websites.

Perhaps not everyone on them has gonorrhea? At least a dozen couples are seeking a woman for a threesome.

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The couples all claim to be gorgeous and under Since I can't compete on looks or age, I decide to distinguish myself by sounding desperate: "I'd like to give my partner his best birthday present ever: an experience with me and another woman. Will you help me? Maybe we could end up doing a deal though not necessarily. If we like each other, I'd be happy to help out. What kind of scenario did you have in mind?

It may seem imprudent to pledge loyalty to an anonymous, bisexual woman who trolls "no-strings" websites, but I decide on the spot that I won't respond to anyone else.

I like her sisterly tone and her perfect spelling. I'm not sure about the exchange deal, but that doesn't seem to be mission-critical for her although when I read the e-mail to my husband that night, he says, "I'll swap you". We exchange more e-mails I call myself "P". It turns out she's a straight, divorced, disease-free mom in her 40s who claims she was motivated to answer my ad by a kind of sexual altruism. She also quotes the French expression, "One need not die an idiot. We decide to meet for coffee. As I'm getting ready to go meet her silk sweaterdress, foundation, mascara , I'm suddenly struck by the strangeness of what I'm about to do.

It's real, and I'm nervous. How do I convince a woman to take off her clothes? My husband, who spent years of his life addressing this particular challenge, gives me a little pep talk. Just keep asking questions. Be pleasant and reassuring but also slightly mysterious. I'm already sitting down when N. She's a pretty, slim brunette with a friendly face. Although she's dressed conservatively, I notice that her makeup is fresh. She must be eager to make a good impression, too. I'm certain that my husband will like her. I try to seem riveted as she describes her boyfriend woes, her life as a single mom, and the health issues of her elderly father.

Despite the peculiar circumstances, she's clinging to the conventions of female bonding. I steer the conversation toward sex. She says she's never been with another woman and isn't sure how she'll feel about that. She doesn't mention the possible swap. We part warmly with a chaste, double-cheeked kiss. I wait several days before sending her a note. I tell her that she's been in my thoughts and that I found her charming "in every way. Could we meet again? I'm not sure what kind of plans she wants to make. We'll each suck one of his toes?

I'll read him poetry while she pirouettes? The course of things on the day itself seems hard to predict. But by now I'm goal-oriented. If that's what she needs, then fine. Everything seems to be settled, but again we part without fixing a date. I send the usual lovely-to-see-you follow-up. She replies that she enjoyed our conversation, too, but that she'd like to meet again to talk more about our plans.

I'm beginning to doubt whether she'll go through with this. I'm tired of putting on makeup every time I go to meet her, and I'm running out of dresses. You need to work out what it is and help her with it.

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On my way to the third meeting, I decide to loosen up and be less calculating. I tease her about all the planning, telling her that I'm making storyboards and cue cards. I confess that this is all a rather big deal for me; she says the same. For a while, I even forget that I'm trying to get her into bed.


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We coquettishly call each other "N" and "P. This new mood seems to be what was missing for her. After about an hour, she takes out her calendar, and we schedule the threesome for a week later, the 20th, over lunchtime. I share the good news that we have an actual date. To keep his expectations in check, I mention potential glitches, including the fact that her father is Drop off his perch?

Buy a one-way ticket? The best for us would be if he checked out of the hotel on the 21st, earliest," he says.

A week later, N. I'm not going to die an idiot.

How To Have A Threesome, Have A

I meet N. On the way, I insist that we stop at a little food stand, where I buy cheese, sausage, honey, and bread — in case we work up an appetite later. Clearly I'm shopping to calm my nerves. We're both relieved when my husband arrives. They introduce themselves. He's immediately very physical with her, which breaks the ice.

We have a sort of group hug, and then we agree that he can take off both of our dresses. My first surprise is that women are allowed to wear jewelry in bed. My second is that a threesome is so, well, sexual.

Asia’s Threesome Turns Four

I'd focused so much on the logistics and the catering that I had forgotten we were all going to be naked. My third surprise is that, when you're detail-oriented like me, threesomes are confusing. You quickly lose track of who's at which stage.