Coming Out in Faith: Voices of LGBTQ Unitarian Universalists

This collection of poignant testimonials illuminates the lived experience of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Unitarian Universalists. Coming Out in Faith.
Table of contents

All I knew was that if I kept on this path, I would lose my family. I did not want that so I buried myself in drugs and alcohol for a couple of years. When I sobered up I substituted another addition, working constantly. At the heart of this pain was fear that my family would never accept me and that I did not fit into the middle class world I was supposed to be moving into.

Where would I find home? Who would accept me? I knew my mother would support me no matter what. Her family is big and I know all of my great aunts and uncles, first cousins, second cousins, and third cousins. Mom taught me it is through family you find employment, housing, money when you are desperate, support in the bad times, and joy in the good times.

Voices of A Liberal Faith (high resolution)

My family was and is everything to me. So, I decided to just not deal with it. For many years I only dated men and avoided the constant dissonance that would play itself out when a gender that was clearly not me was thrown in my face. A man would take a heavy box from me and I would get mad.

I would insist on paying my own way on a date. Frequently the questioning of cultural expectations of my gender was chalked up to my age, even well into my thirties. Many women are berated for not wearing make-up, showing no interest in bearing children, and struggling with outdated social norms. What was different for me as a genderqueer person is that it never once occurred to me to think that these criticisms were an affront to me as a woman.

I never felt comfortable calling myself a feminist because feminism and the increasing freedom for women did not answer questions about my body and my experience. Feminism gave me freedom to defend myself as someone perceived as a woman, but when I did this, I felt like I was being dishonest. Many of my friends and family assumed that my failure to conform meant that I was actually a lesbian.

Coming Out in Faith: Voices of LGBTQ Unitarian Universalists

I have never identified as a lesbian. I have always found people of all genders and sexual orientations attractive. Bisexual and pansexual people often run into this form of discrimination and, for years, I just assumed that my frustration with assumptions about my sexual orientation had to do with ignorance about bisexual and pansexual people.

There were no solid images, words, or examples of what I was and therefore, I was lost. My heart was filled with pain and confusion. Nothing in education talked about genderqueer people. My friends who were bisexual, gay, lesbian, and transgender did not talk about genderqueer identity.

Nothing in the media portrayed anything remotely related to my experiences as genderqueer. It was in Unitarian Universalism where I faced some of my most painful experiences - and where I ultimately found my spiritual home.


  1. 4,016.
  2. Published Work - Rev. Sunshine Jeremiah Wolfe.
  3. .
  4. !
  5. Take 8 Steps To Wellbeing: Create Life balance.
  6. !
  7. !

I was raised in a mixed-religion family. My father is an atheist, my mother lives the tsa-la-gi and dakota ways, and my grandparents took me to their Catholic church. In addition to these traditions, my mother ensured that I had exposure to many religious traditions including Taoism, Sufism, paganism, protestant Christianity. I often joke that I was raised a Unitarian Universalist without the church.

See a Problem?

I joined my first Unitarian Universalist church after college in March of My love for Unitarian Universalism was instant. In particular, the Principles and Purposes really spoke to me. At its best, Unitarian Universalism is a religion of people who covenant to treat one another well, care for the earth, and protect the beautiful tapestry of cultures and communities that make up the people of the world.


  1. The Bargain Hunter: How to Find the Diamond in any Rough.
  2. ?
  3. ?
  4. Choice Makers (The Wanamakers Book 1).
  5. Physiology by Numbers: An Encouragement to Quantitative Thinking.

Love is the core value from which we build. Of course, none of this is easy. We struggle and stumble and fall.

Coming Out in Faith: Voices of LGBTQ Unitarian Universalists by Susan A. Gore

My friend Ulysses once told me about a conversation he had with a Christian friend. Our church was at the height of conflict over something and he was sharing his concerns. I have faith that we as people can work it out. Our Unitarian Universalist communities have growing edges. Among the most difficult interactions for me as a genderqueer person are those with people who treat me as something they can intellectually judge as acceptable or not. It is truly a joy for me to meet someone whose first response to something they know nothing or little about is humility and open ears.

Women in the group talked about the power to create, the ebb and flow of the cycles of the moon, and the power of female divine symbols in their lives. I remember thinking that this was interesting, but I could not relate to any of the commentary. Then came my turn. I think bodies have a lot to do with spirituality, but there is nothing in particular about being a woman that informs that. Her deep anger and dismissive attitude in what I had perceived as a safe space really jostled something within me. I was not quite sure what had happened. I went about my days, but kept coming back to this question- what does my body tell me about spirituality?

The leader of the Young Adult Group discussion had cracked the door open to something pushed away for at least twenty years. Feeling confused, I talked to my therapist about my experience and the questions it had raised. He said it was common for women to push away their bodies and gave me exercises that were meant to help me find my power as a woman. The exercises only led to frustration on my part and his. I stopped going to therapy. I wish I could say that I turned to my minister or other church friends or leaders for help during this time, but I did not feel it was safe or wise to do so.

While many in my UU congregation are welcoming and try to understand, others are uncomfortable and even rude; some just avoid me altogether. In addition to being part of a congregation, in , I enrolled in Starr King School for the Ministry.

For the first time in my life, I felt safe enough to talk about what it means to be a genderqueer, pansexual, working class, multiracial, fat, young adult, temporarily able bodied person in the United States. There were still moments that were difficult, but overall I felt a liberation within myself and a trust in my colleagues that I had never fully known before. I was excited and hopeful, even though I still ran into the assumption that I was female.

One particular moment knocked all the walls blocking my view of my gender. I was taking a Unitarian Universalist theology class when one of the older students made a comment that men tend to do X and women tend to do Y. I said I thought their comment supported stereotypes and ignored genderqueer people like me. Another student told me that I was wrong and to have respect for my elders. I was enraged but kept silent. My experience is totally ignored. After more meetings with my therapist, I made the decision to officially come out of the closet as pansexual and genderqueer, to change my name, and to ask people to use the gender neutral pronouns ghe and gher in reference to myself.

One thing I love about ministry and Unitarian Universalism is the value we place on ritual. April Spencer rated it it was amazing Jul 17, Annette added it Dec 31, Poppy added it Oct 18, Hannah Barfoot marked it as to-read Nov 18, Skinner House Books added it Mar 10, Olivia Jackson marked it as to-read Aug 31, Adrian Graham is currently reading it Jun 07, Buxmont Unitarian added it Feb 09, Amy Moses-Lagos marked it as to-read Mar 07, Freckledbookshelves marked it as to-read Mar 12, Alex marked it as to-read Jun 27, Hayden Sage marked it as to-read Oct 15, Kathleen marked it as to-read Dec 07, Staci Steddum added it Mar 02, Kathleen marked it as to-read Jan 22, Alex marked it as to-read Apr 07, Ashleah Hudson marked it as to-read Jun 06, Rebecca added it Jun 16, Craig marked it as to-read Dec 17, Julie Behm is currently reading it May 27, Kim marked it as to-read Jul 03, Lauren is currently reading it Aug 09, Catherine Cai marked it as to-read Mar 10, Ian Carrillo marked it as to-read May 21, Yvonne S marked it as to-read May 31, Josh Workman marked it as to-read Jun 07, Ken Wiltsee marked it as to-read Jun 18, Allen Becker added it Jun 22, Ron marked it as to-read Jul 26, Jared Boot marked it as to-read Jul 27, Coming Out in Faith 2 7 May 31, Trivia About Coming Out in Fai