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Table of contents

What did she whisper in your ear? And what did you reply? In both cases Quentin insists that it should be done in as honest and respectful a way as possible. Breaking up with someone is at the top of that list But you already know that. In the absence of a book on email etiquette, ask yourself how you would feel if someone broke up with you by email.

Would you respect that person in the morning? I think not. Face up to your problems. And I mean that literally…. Take responsibility for your own actions. And let her take responsibility for hers.

Advice to the Lovelorn

Meet her, break up with her, cry yourself if you have to. Embrace your feelings, rather than brushing them under the carpet. If you feel guilty, fine. But stick to your guns. If you start to water down your reasons distance, commitment etc. Your girlfriend will eventually accept that and, one pre- sumes, live a very happy life. The remainder of the letters involve men looking for solace and advice on how to deal with the breakdown of their respective relationships.

The type of advice he gives here is positive and reassuring, opining that things will get better, and that they just need to move on. I am moving on too. Hegemonic masculinity proposes men to be socially and sexually assured, and with it an assumed cavalier attitude towards relationships, especially with women.

However, on www. In this respect they turn to Quentin for advice on how to negoti- ate this grey area between their feelings and the situation they find themselves in. In her research on emotions, Hochschild argues that feelings and emotions are social constructions that are as much an expression of private responses as well as public considerations. Many of us are unaware of the feeling rules that circumscribe our everyday lives.

Lethally Love~Sick

Like all subject positions we cannot sustain a period of emotional dissonance for long and so we make attempts to rectify the incongruence Hochschild, p. Equally, they may be seeking advice because their current feelings may also differ from the prevailing emotional scripts of masculinity. In this respect, some men can turn to problem pages as an attempt to find advice on which feeling rule they should follow: their own emotional state or that of the prevailing masculine ideology.

This finding is reminiscent of the claims made by feminists that problem pages and the ad- vice they give serves the continuation of the hegemonic definition of femininity. While health researchers and psychologists are eager to develop new therapeutic strategies to improve mens mental and self-health e.

Among these letters we found competing versions of masculinity co- existing—hegemonic masculinity with alternative and contra-indicative masculini- ties—as the male writers pondered their emotional lives and how they should respond to their situation. The discovery of such uncensored self-representations raises a num- ber of important questions. If so, could the non-face-to-face context of online communication enable men to be more expressive about their personal lives than they allow themselves to be in their daily lives e. Regardless of whether we interpret these posting as par- adigmatic or empowering, oppositional or subversive, the fact remains that the type of advice given on this website does little to support these previously silenced expres- sions of maleness.

What initially emerges as a moment of cultural and social re- sistance against the hegemonic masculinity is revealed to be a temporary injunction against the ideologies of masculinity. Men, masculinity and the contexts of help-seeking. Amer- ican Psychologist, 58 1 , Adorno, T.

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London: Routledge. The organizational construction of hegemonic masculinity: The case of the U. Gender, Work and Organization, 3 3 , Bashford, A. Public pedagogy: Sex education and mass communication in the mid-twentieth century. Journal of the History of Sexuality, 13 1 , Baslow, S.

The 11th Competition

Beck, U. The normal chaos of love. London: Blackwell. Chapman, R. The great pretender: Variations on the new man theme. Rutherford Eds. Unwrapping masculinity pp. London: Lawrence and Wishart. Collinson, D. Engineering humour: Masculinity, joking and conflict in shop-floor re- lations. Messner Eds. New York: Macmillan Press. Cornwall, A. Dislocating masculinity. Gender, power and ethnogra- phy.

Lindisfarne Eds. Comparative ethno- graphies pp.


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Currie, D. Dear Abby. Advice pages as a site for the operation of power. Feminist The- ory, 2 3 , The second sex.

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London: Picador. Original work published De Gregorio-Godeo, E. The history of sexuality. Volume One. An Introduction. London: Penguin.


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    8. Hochschild, A. Emotion work, feeling rules and social structure. The American Jour- nal of Sociology, 85 3 , Hsieh, H-F. Three approaches to qualitative content analysis.