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Jan 30, - Why do we connect with grief in stories? We cry with the The pain, their loss it's all I have left of them. You think the grief And we love it.
Table of contents
- Hint: love is worth the grief
- When it Comes to Grief, let the Pain Come
- Grief From The Perspective of an Old Man
Hint: love is worth the grief
And yet, says Julia, running away from it means we will never recover from it. Embracing it, moving through its agony, and allowing ourselves to just be while it washes over us, is the only way to survive it; because we have to feel the worst of it in order to let it change us, and then we can start to find out who we are going to be in the wake of it. The fact is, you have to do the work of grieving. You have to let it run its course. Her book traces the journeys of many of the bereaved people she has walked alongside; she describes how she has wept and mourned with them.
Sally tells Julia that losing her son has made her, too, feel dead. She no longer has any expectations of life; she does not want to go on living. Julia is as interested in asking questions as in answering them; and her questions to me surround something that I have experienced but she never has, which is a traumatic loss.
There are two sorts of loss, says Julia: expected loss and traumatic loss. And perhaps strangely, for one in her profession, her own losses have all been expected ones. So, too, she says, did other major shifts of history, especially the first and second world wars. They were parented by survivors of the first world war: they simply had to survive, whereas we have the luxury of being able to deal with it differently. As someone who experienced a traumatic loss at the age of nine, when my three-year-old sister was killed in a road accident, I have to agree with her analysis.
It is 44 years since that death, and the shockwaves still reverberate in my family: everyone is different because of it, and the next generation has been touched by it in ways that are too subtle for them to fully understand. How traumatic losses shape the future of a family is a subject of great interest to Julia; so, too is the way men and women deal with loss differently. Women, on the other hand, want to spend more time remembering the person who has died; they want to immerse themselves in the pain. But the fact is, she says, that each can learn from the other.
You can create circumstances where you grieve, and circumstances where you move on; so men and women can help one another.
He can help her go for a walk to the park or to a gallery, and she can help him talk about how he feels and express some of his loss. Grieving is an intensely individual and usually incredibly lonely experience, which can make it a particularly difficult time in a family, where a group of people will be going through something sparked by the same event, but is in each case very different.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross was the author of the groundbreaking book On Death and Dying first published in It is in that book that she first discusses her theory on the five stages of grief. For many, though, grief is more circular than stage-like, and many people experience all or multiple stages at the same time.
Ralph Waldo Emerson was an American poet, essaying and philosopher who brought about the concept of transcendentalism, the belief that everything in our world—even a drop of dew—is a microcosm of the universe. His philosophy after her death was characterized by its reliance on intuition as the only way to comprehend reality. Despite his grief, he was known as a steadfast optimist — and refused to acknowledge the existence of evil. Rowling is the well-known author of the beloved Harry Potter series. And she is no new-comer to grief.
Sheryl Sandberg is the Chief Operating Officer at Facebook and the author of Lean In and Option B, the latter written after the sudden passing of her husband while on vacation. Sheryl has been a leading voice and activist is encouraging more women to take leadership positions at large organizations. She has also become a leading voice for naming and addressing grief, post-traumatic growth, and more.
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Her website, OptionB , is a community hub of stories from celebrities to your next door neighbor about how they handle grief, so that each of us can feel a bit less lonely in our own personal journey of grief. Lewis is a celebrated English author of both fiction and Christian non-fiction. His mother passed as a young child, and he later grew a close relationship with Jane Moore, who he occasionally called his mother. His wife also passed before him.
When it Comes to Grief, let the Pain Come
She is the founder of Refuge in Grief , a grief support resource and online community which serves both grieving people and those looking to better support grieving people via free online resources, paid creative courses, and professional training. She is best known for her approach to grief support which excludes the use of platitudes.
Her husband passed unexpectedly in Prior to her work in grief, she was a sexual violence awareness educator and taught writer in a day shelter for at-risk youth. Joan Didion was a famous American author who won extensive praise for her book The Year of Magical Thinking , which documented the grief she experienced following the sudden death of her husband. While on tour promotion the book, her daughter passed.
Grief From The Perspective of an Old Man
She later wrote a book, Blue Nights , about that experience and its grief. Oliver Sacks was a renowned Neurologist and Author, who wrote about the lives, experiences, and brain quirks of his patients with their permission. Nearly the end of his own life, Sacks applied that candor and curiosity to his own life and near death.
- Followed By The Shadows (Pete Jackson Private Detective9).
- Coping with the Loss of a Parent;
- The Three Investigators and the Secret of Terror Castle: American English.
This is one the last quotes from that collection of essays :. His poem Where the Sidewalk Ends is used often at funerals, and others of his grief quotes are featured in blogs across the internet.
His poems and words have helped millions, and many American children grew up with his work as their bedtime stories. Edgar Allan Poe was an American writer, editor, and literary critic. He was one of the first authors to try and make a professional living as a writer only. Poe was often surrounded by grief. His father abandoned the family in , and his mother died the following year. Beyond that, the s was an era of romanticized death and dying with so many passing from tuberculosis. Edgar own wife passed from the disease after five years of his care taking.
His poem Annabelle Lee is often cited:. He was an advocate of democracy and religious freedom. He was also an early supporter of colonial unification.
He was a man of deep religious conviction, and was imprisoned several times in the Tower of London, where he wrote at least one book, No Cross, No Crown. Haruki Murakami is a Japanese writer with multiple bestsellers. He is also an avid long distance runner and and triathlon enthusiast, hobbies he did not pick up until he was 33 years old.
Murakami acknowledges that there is something about people going through trauma, chaos and confusion that are drawn to his books. In an interview with The Guardian:, he said:. Anne Lamott is an American novelist and non-fiction writer who often covers topics including alcoholism, single-motherhood, depression, and Christianity. Much of her work focuses on grief, gratitude, and forgiveness. She once told The Independent :. The first time I had a miscarriage was the same. For me to go and write was like a way of shaping something so big that I would otherwise be overwhelmed.
That's just how it is. Grief and love are conjoined, you don't get one without the other. All I can do is love her, and love the world, emulate her by living with daring and spirit and joy. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral?
But if a spiral, am I going up or down it?