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Table of contents

I wanted to write this book to empower the nascent submissive fe- male just as the first book empowered the budding dominant woman. I would like lO tell you something about my life as a lOp and why I "switched.

Female Domination

It saddened me that most of the men I saw were unable to continue to explore their submissive desires with their partners when the discoveries to be found there could be so valuable to their emotional health. Fortunately, I was able to combine that sadness with my own desire to be sexually submissive and to turn it into a deeply gratifying and emotionally enriching experience of my own.

That inspired and encouraged me to write this book because I know there are many of you who will listen to me. There is nothing politically incorrect about being sexually submis- sive, even in our world, because your sexuality is entirely a personal choice-your choice. I know that for some of you being sexually sub- missive in a romantic SM setting will heighten the intimacy, trust, and communication of your relationship.

Books by Gudrun Lindstrom

I know it will enrich your life and enhance your lovemaking. And it is to you I would like to speak. When I first entered the world of professional domination, I was de- lighted and empowered by the men who requested me and the fantasies we enacted together. It was all new and different, each session a chal- lenge, each role an opportunity for another Academy Award-caliber per- formance. After extensive training with my mentor, Ava Taurel, which continued even after l was seeing clients, I began to do the club and party scene to seek clients of my own.

I modeled in fetish wear fashion shows, was seen at the clubs with the right people, got on private party lists, and attended fetish weekends.

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Finally, after years of only dreaming of a true SM love-style, not just my usual lucky but chance encounters, I had met others many, many of them with interests the same as or similar to my own. In keeping with my voracious appetite for everything SM, I took on personal slaves on a regular basis. And just like when I was a child and, later, a teen dreaming of a sadomasochistic relationship, I read every- thing I could get my hands on. Only now I had the time to seek out books, the money to buy them, and, with my newly liberated spirit, the right eyes to read them with.

I bought whips and crops and canes and paddles; I bought leather clothes galore, and latex, and PVC a shiny, stretchy vinyl , too; I bought nipple clamps and cock cages and ball weights and blindfolds; I bought fetish stilettos and platform shoes; and I loved it all. I ate it up. Each time I was "requested," l inquired very carefully into the nature of the session: what type of clothing and de- meanor the client envisioned. Each booking was its own little epic and I was the director. It was at this time, in these early days, that l actually bore some sort of remote, distant love for these men who let me tie them up, discipline them, dress them up like women, walk on them, shower them with my golden nectar, torture and humiliate them in countless ways, some thought up by them, most thought up by me.

Some of that time was spent discussing a particular fantasy, but the rest was not. First, the men wanted to "know" about me, then they wanted me to "know" about them. These bookings were very much like therapy ses- sions. Their questions were usually the same. Did I have another, or day, job? Did I do this just for the money? No , I love to hear other peo- ple:S fantasies-hearing and sharing theirs has made my own sex and fantasy life so much richer, more exotic, more abandoned. Many told me they thought my "enhanced love-style" was wonderful, then related their fantasy with newfound confidence.

A common question, either before or after the session, was whether I had ever heard a fantasy such as theirs. The need to validate fantasies of exotic sex is very strong in us. But your fantasy has your touch, your style to it, making it unique. It validated the fantasy-similar themes-which is what each man wanted, and needed, to hear.

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The plus was the second sen- tence: touch, style, unique. How nice to be validated and complimented at the same time! But with others, when I said that I enjoyed an SM love-style, their sadness would creep into the dungeon on cat feet. I would then be told that each wife or girlfriend had no idea what he was "into," and he had no idea what would happen if she found out.


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Either the men didn't think their mate would understand, or else the particular woman her- self had never instigated anything. If that was the case, with no clue as to its reception, he was loath to bring it up. The lack of trust and com- munication was sad enough, but what troubled me even more was the mild nature of many of the fantasies that I enacted. If a hard-working, educated man, and a good provider for his family cannot approach the partner of his life with a fantasy about giving her an erotic foot massage, I perceive a real problem.

This is a common, mild, harmless fantasy. En- tire vignettes in popular movies have been based on foot massage; oth- ers have foot fetish scenes, and still others treat foot fetishism with a humorous, tongue-in-cheek air. If this is his fantasy, what would it re- ally cost to fulfill it for him? Perhaps, if the fantasy had been jointly enacted, it would have been the best foreplay the couple had ever had, leading to the greatest sex they had ever had in their lives!

And yet this poor soul had to place his trust in a total stranger- a stranger who understood his dark side and dreamworld better than his partner! Many of the fantasies l have enacted have been just such mild and amusing foot worship sessions, cross- dressing sessions, light bondage and discipline, or naughty schoolboy scenarios.

As a professional dominatrix, no session ever included any type of sexual service, although as a reward I may have allowed the man to relieve his "tension" and I do mean by himselO before leaving. Many were scenarios that could have been shared and enacted with a loving partner for the betterment of the overall relationship, and could have in- cluded sex! They just wished. After a while, these tales of noncommunication and lack of trust and intimacy began to wear on me. I found I had to close myself off from all but what I needed to hear to conduct the fantasy session.

A while later, 1 found myself turning down bookings that were not exactly to my liking or when the submissive didn't know how he'd like to submit. I saw fewer and fewer clients and concentrated on personal slaves.


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I began to realize my love affair with professional domination was nearing its end. Apathy set in because 1 couldn't change their circumstances-only playact v. I knew that once having had a taste of it, these men would think about sadomasochistic sex for the rest of their lives, and that saddened me. If they never sought the services of another professional, all they would have would be their dreams and a memory.

In the odd way the psyche works, l felt anger at what l perceived as the parasitic nature of the men's relationship with me. I began to think of them as psychosexual errand boys that came to my supra-sensual supermarket with grocery lists of fantasies they wanted fulfi lled: the crook of a finger, the arch of a foot, the puff of a cigarette. They wanted, I gave. They left re- juvenated, exhilarated; I left drained, tired. I took less and less "work" and spent more and more time fantasizing and writing about sado- masochistic sex.

At first I wrote as a domina dominating men. I churned out pieces about bondage, beatings, cross-dressing, foot worship , slave training, and humiliation-men in cages, men in stockades, men on auction blocks. Naughty schoolboys got the paddle; bad dogs got put in their cage; bad kitties got the spray bottle. Smart-asses got the cane. Police of- ficers, postmen, drill sergeants, and peeping toms were punished with forced feminization.

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Butt plugs and ball gags, clamps and clothes pins, fioggers and fetish wear paraded through my stories like well-loved, yet oft-hated, characters from an SM soap opera. My social life was pleas- antly active: I was on a private party circuit, a member of the local SM society, and I went to two or three parties each month.

There were SM meetings and on-off events in nearby cities that couldn't be missed. I made the rounds of the local fetish stores and called friends in the scene. Life was enjoyable even if 1 was enjoying it alone. As far as sex in the traditional sense was concerned? I had been celibate for months!

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All of my sex had been dominant play with submissive friends which stopped well short of the sexual release I would have enjoyed if I had been with a regular dominant partner. Even as a child, I wanted to play SM games with a loving and supportive master, although I wouldn't have used quite those words.

It was those sexually submissive fantasies that I had created ever since childhood that set me to explore my own submissive nature. After having explored the submissive fantasies of so many others, I decided it was time to do something more than just think about my own. By writing my fantasies, I began to distinguish between those things I claimed to fear, which were things I did want to happen at the right time with the right person, from those things I genuinely feared.

For me, resistance heightens my emotional pitch and intensifies physical sensa- tion. Under the illusion of force, my master grants me license to enjoy my most debased sexual desires.