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Supporting a friend or relative who is being abused can be frustrating, frightening and stressful. You need to look after yourself and to get support too. Explain your fears, but let her know you will still support her. Talk to other friends or contact a service for information on what you can do. She can also get support from the services listed at the end of this guide. Be careful. If the person who is being abusive is your friend or relative, you may feel caught in the middle.

It is important to understand that if you approach the person who is abusive, he or she may:. None of these responses mean that he or she is not abusive. It is common for a person who is being abusive to deny or minimise the abuse. If the abusive person is female, she can contact her local Community Health Service. If you do observe abuse, and you feel safe or able to, talk about the behaviour you have observed. But if you only know about the abuse because the victim has talked to you about it, check with her first before saying anything to her partner. Her partner could become more abusive to her if he or she thinks she has told someone.

A man speaking to another man, or a woman speaking to another woman about their abusive behaviour can be a helpful way of approaching this issue. In Victoria, and in other states, there are 24 hour crisis hotlines, as well as local Domestic Violence Services which can provide information and practical support in finding safe accommodation, housing, or obtaining legal or financial assistance. You can call these for information, or pass the number on to your friend or family member.

See Services in Victoria.

10 Excuses That Hide Emotionally Abusive Relationships

Skip to main content. Your support can make a difference It can be really worrying when someone you care about is being hurt or abused by their partner. Is what you do important? Your help can make a great difference to someone who is abused. Your response to her situation is really important. Abuse in relationships is quite common, and is mainly committed by men against women. Signs that someone is being abused She seems afraid of her partner or is always very anxious to please him or her.

She has stopped seeing her friends or family, or cuts phone conversations short when her partner is in the room.


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Her partner often criticises her or humiliates her in front of other people. She says her partner pressures or forces her to do sexual things. Her partner often orders her about or makes all the decisions for example, her partner controls all the money, tells her who she can see and what she can do. She has become anxious or depressed, has lost her confidence, or is unusually quiet.


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She has physical injuries bruises, broken bones, sprains, cuts etc. She may give unlikely explanations for physical injuries. Her children seem afraid of her partner, have behaviour problems, or are very withdrawn or anxious.

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She is reluctant to leave her children with her partner. After she has left the relationship, her partner is constantly calling her, harassing her, following her, coming to her house or waiting outside. Reasons why it may be so hard to leave She is afraid of what the abuser will do if she leaves. The person who is abusive may have threatened to harm her, her relatives, or the children, pets or property.

They may threaten to commit suicide if she talks about leaving. Many victims find that the abuse continues or gets worse after they leave. She still loves her partner, because he or she is not abusive all of the time. She hopes her partner will change. Sometimes the abusive person might promise to change. She might think that if the abuser stops drinking, the abuse will stop.

She thinks the abuse is her fault. Her partner may have threatened to take or harm the children. A lack of confidence. She may feel powerless and unable to make decisions. Isolation and loneliness. The person who is abusive may have tried to cut her off from contact with family or friends. She might be afraid of coping on her own. If English is not her first language she might feel particularly isolated. Pressure to stay from family, her community or church. She might fear rejection from her community or family if she leaves. She might not have anywhere to live, or access to money, or transport, particularly if she lives in an isolated area.

If she has a disability, she may depend upon the abuser for assistance.

10 Excuses That Hide Emotionally Abusive Relationships - Harley Therapy™ Blog

My friend stopped talking to me after I went back to him, she said I was stupid. What can I do to help her? I got some cute clothes for my birthday and he disapproved everything! I kept everything because I was finally feeling confident. But he made me feel so insecure. I felt like hiding in an eggshell. I cried all the time. Had a hard time sleeping. I was so afraid. He would come to my job and look to see if I was actually working and if I was helping a customer, he would get mad.

My job is to help customers. He would tell me to quit my job because I have to be a housewife and he would take care of me. Constantly was mean to my family and would raise his voice to them. I was constantly thinking what he was going to do next. Well he said that I was going crazy and I chose to be with him. I would. By myself. With no help from his family. So I finally got braces and a new hairstyle because I hated my look.

He made me feel so self concious and the braces were making me feel so confident. He hated it. Told me to take them off. His parents found out and they said I look too sexy for other men. I think the whole cheating allegation against me was because he was being unfaithful and he was!

Because I found an email that said I miss you to another girl. I never knew who she was and the message said thanks for the fun time. I confronted him. He called me from her house and she was saying that they were spending the week together and I instantly hung up the phone and cried. So after that, I finally told my mom. She was in so much shock. We had a plan. So he called. He was yelling, screaming, threatening to hurt me and the family. I cried and told mom. I cried after the breakup and he tried to get me back but I said no! He hurt me so bad. What a great arrival. Spot on!

Educate youredelf. I could have written much of this myself. Very similar story to mine.

Married 22 years before I realised I could have become a murder statistic. I had very poor support when I was trying to escape.

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I have to say that what he did to me in the years following our separation was so abusive in so many ways — vexatious litigator, extreme financial abuse, stalking, terrorising me, spreading terrible viscious lies about me, lying to the children and more. I was a well educated professional with three children.