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Table of contents

Handbook of the Sociology of Sexualities. The Wiley Handbook of Sex Therapy. Retrieved July 4, The Sydney Morning Herald.

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Retrieved July 21, Lesbian Love and Relationships. University of Wisconsin Press. New York Times. Retrieved July 3, Greenberg, Clint E. Bruess, Sarah C. Conklin Exploring the dimensions of human sexuality. Retrieved Retrieved February 20, Research on the sex practices of lesbians and the clinical applications.

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Sexual and Relationship Therapy. Dunn; Elizabeth Yost Hammer Cengage Learning. Retrieved January 5, The Journal of Sex Research. Archived from the original PDF on Comparing Duration vs. Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality. Journal of Sex Education and Therapy. Things got worse after I graduated from elementary school.

Like all of the graduates, I signed the backs of my school photos and handed them out to my friends. My signature was at the bottom. He showed me what he wrote on the photo. Not long after, Eduardo took me to a photo studio and forced me to have a picture taken with my arms wrapped around his neck. Then he put the picture in a frame and left it in our home. Many years later, I asked Lupe to make the photo disappear.

When I started middle school, Eduardo began to get jealous. I was trying not to draw attention to myself, but he was paranoid that the older boys would notice my budding breasts and curves, so he would wait for me outside of school.

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But it was too late. Eduardo used the photo with my signature to threaten Mami. He felt so empowered that he stopped giving Mami money altogether. Maybe if I was older, I would have understood that Eduardo was the villain, but at the time all I remember feeling was scared that Mami and I would go to jail. Mami convinced Eduardo to bring her a gun to protect the family, and one day Eduardo arrived with a Beretta. Eduardo showed us the safety and how to load the gun and pull the trigger. Mami and I shot at the eucalyptus trees in our yard.

Later, I watched as Mami hid the gun in her closet. Emboldened by the power he wielded because of the photo, Eduardo became increasingly offensive, obscene and demeaning. Eyes closed, my mind did as it always did — it flew away to my happiest memory, my sisters and me making tamales. While he forced himself on me, I was in the kitchen telling jokes with my sisters and laughing so hard we cried, as the radio played the music of my favorite composer, Vincente Villa.

Depression swallowed me whole. Now Eduardo had stolen what was left of my childhood. Killing myself seemed like the only escape. Just please make him stop. Mami patted the top of my head but said nothing for a long while. The next day, when Eduardo arrived, Mami took him aside. He then departed.

He grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me across the house to his room. He latched the door behind us, then shoved me onto the bed in the corner of the room. I watched as he dug into his knapsack and pulled out something long. As Eduardo turned away to place his knapsack on the chair, I slid my hand beneath the pillow, grabbed the Beretta and raised it to my temple, but as Eduardo turned to face me with the dildo in his hand, I turned the gun on Eduardo and fired one shot into his forehead.

I rolled out from under Eduardo and let her in. Her worn hands gripped a candle. The light revealed a fine mist of blood splatter on three of the four walls. I often hauled trash down to the river to be burned and buried, and hoped the neighbors thought I was doing just that.

I rolled him into the hole, covered the body with the silty earth, then packed the mound with the back of the shovel. After I killed Eduardo, I was no longer a child. I was a soldier who had defended my family and my home. Four uneventful years passed. I earned enough money to pay my tuition by tutoring first-grade students who were referred to me by Fernando.

I converted the room where I killed Eduardo into a classroom. Then one day, the authorities arrived. I thought they were there to arrest me, but it was for another reason. They explained that our colony needed to be evacuated because it was in a flood basin and the dam was beginning to crack.

They offered Mami new land plus some money. Mami agreed without hesitation. The first whiff of maggot-covered corpse nearly knocked me out. I went to the shed and found a pair of work gloves and the old axe I used to cut up the chickens, ducks and rabbits that we ate for dinner. I decapitated the skull and then cut the torso into pieces.


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I put these parts in paper bags, then put the bags in the latrine of the abandoned house next door, knowing that the chemicals in the latrine would quickly disintegrate them. Next, I cut up the bones and put them in smaller paper bags. I knew of a slum area with a lot of trash, so I carried the bags three at time and dropped one bag every couple of hundred yards or so. I then returned to the body and started out again with three more bags, until eventually the bones were scattered for a mile or more along the Tijuana River, sure to be swept away in the next flood.

There are moments of eternal sunshine and moments of eternal darkness in our lives. Killing Eduardo and disposing of his body were my moments of eternal darkness. No one ever came looking for Eduardo. Perhaps no one missed him. But three months after I murdered him, Valery saw a picture of a young man in the local paper who bore a strong resemblance to Eduardo.

That was the last news we ever heard about Eduardo or his family.

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My plan had been to stay in my country and study to become a teacher. For the first time in my life, I lived in a nice house, working for nice people — like a normal person. Diego was a shy man. I got pregnant in late , at the age of I received a call from the clinic telling me I was pregnant and asking if I wanted to get an abortion. Both of us got our green cards in , just before I had my second child, Noelle. After our third child, Dawn, was born in , Diego and I became naturalized U. He asked me again and again why not. He lacked the imagination to know that there are much worse things in life than a woman who has slept around.

When he began referring to me as a puta , a whore, I knew our marriage would not last forever. However, in the meantime, he was a good father and a good provider.

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I bided my time until Bianca, Noelle and Dawn were grown. Then, finally, I divorced Diego. You must be a lucky charm. Our eyes met throughout the Tijuana concert, and I felt confident that my strong attraction toward Vincente was reciprocal. After that night, he invited me to his next concert; however, the weeks that followed were some of the rainiest ever in Baja, and the remainder of his tour was canceled. I did not see or speak to Vincente again until two years later. I was paging through a local magazine in Ontario, California, when I saw in an advertisement that Vincente was to perform at a Mexican restaurant near my home.

I purchased my ticket immediately and surprised him.

Background

From that day forward, we were a couple. The only two requests I made of Vincente were that he treated me with respect and not drink. He accepted my conditions, and in I accepted his proposal of marriage. For the next 19 years, we bounced between Mexico and California, and lived for a brief spell in Chicago, but for much of the time we simply lived on the road, traveling from one concert venue to the next. For my 55th birthday in , Vincente surprised me with a party.

While Vincente slept, I passed time wandering down the garden path of my year marriage to a man whom all of Mexico loved — and had loved — much longer than I. I revisited my favorite memory of all: the first time we spent the night together, at the Grand Hotel in Tijuana.