When it comes to keeping you healthy, laughter is up there with a nutritious diet Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body's natural feel-good chemicals. Use humor to resolve disagreements and tension in your relationship They fall into the gray zone of ordinary life—giving you the choice to laugh or not.
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But did you know it can actually improve your health? It draws people together in ways that trigger healthy physical and emotional changes in the body. Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. As children, we used to laugh hundreds of times a day, but as adults life tends to be more serious and laughter more infrequent. By seeking out more opportunities for humor and laughter, though, you can improve your emotional health, strengthen your relationships, find greater happiness—and even add years to your life.
Laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, pain, and conflict. Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. Humor lightens your burdens, inspires hopes, connects you to others, and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert. It also helps you to release anger and be more forgiving. With so much power to heal and renew, the ability to laugh easily and frequently is a tremendous resource for surmounting problems, enhancing your relationships, and supporting both physical and emotional health.
Best of all, this priceless medicine is fun, free, and easy to use. Laughter relaxes the whole body. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after. Laughter boosts the immune system. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain. Laughter protects the heart. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.
Nothing diffuses anger and conflict faster than a shared laugh. Looking at the funny side can put problems into perspective and enable you to move on from confrontations without holding onto bitterness or resentment. Laughter may even help you to live longer. A study in Norway found that people with a strong sense of humor outlived those who don't laugh as much. The difference was particularly notable for those battling cancer.
Laughter makes you feel good. And the good feeling that you get when you laugh remains with you even after the laughter subsides. Humor helps you keep a positive, optimistic outlook through difficult situations, disappointments, and loss. More than just a respite from sadness and pain, laughter gives you the courage and strength to find new sources of meaning and hope. Even in the most difficult of times, a laugh—or even simply a smile—can go a long way toward making you feel better. And laughter really is contagious—just hearing laughter primes your brain and readies you to smile and join in the fun.
Laughter stops distressing emotions. Laughter helps you relax and recharge. It reduces stress and increases energy, enabling you to stay focused and accomplish more. Laughter shifts perspective , allowing you to see situations in a more realistic, less threatening light. A humorous perspective creates psychological distance, which can help you avoid feeling overwhelmed and diffuse conflict. Laughter draws you closer to others, which can have a profound effect on all aspects of your mental and emotional health. And the more laughter you bring into your own life, the happier you and those around you will feel.
Shared laughter is one of the most effective tools for keeping relationships fresh and exciting. All emotional sharing builds strong and lasting relationship bonds, but sharing laughter also adds joy, vitality, and resilience. And humor is a powerful and effective way to heal resentments, disagreements, and hurts. Laughter unites people during difficult times. Humor and playful communication strengthen our relationships by triggering positive feelings and fostering emotional connection.
When we laugh with one another, a positive bond is created. This bond acts as a strong buffer against stress, disagreements, and disappointment. Using humor and laughter in relationships allows you to:. Humor gets you out of your head and away from your troubles. Let go of defensiveness. Laughter helps you forget resentments, judgments, criticisms, and doubts. Express your true feelings. Deeply felt emotions are allowed to rise to the surface. Managing Conflicts with Humor: Using Laughter to Resolve Disagreements.
Laughter is an especially powerful tool for managing conflict and reducing tension when emotions are running high. Whether with romantic partners, friends and family, or co-workers, you can learn to use humor to smooth over disagreements , lower everyone's stress level, and communicate in a way that builds up your relationships rather than breaking them down. Laughter is your birthright, a natural part of life that is innate and inborn. Infants begin smiling during the first weeks of life and laugh out loud within months of being born.
Even if you did not grow up in a household where laughter was a common sound, you can learn to laugh at any stage of life. Begin by setting aside special times to seek out humor and laughter, as you might with working out, and build from there. When you look at someone or see something even mildly pleasing, practice smiling. Instead of looking down at your phone, look up and smile at people you pass in the street, the person serving you a morning coffee, or the co-workers you share an elevator with.
Notice the effect this has on others. Literally make a list. The simple act of considering the good things in your life will distance you from negative thoughts that are a barrier to humor and laughter. When you hear laughter, move toward it. Sometimes humor and laughter are private, a shared joke among a small group, but usually not. More often, people are very happy to share something funny because it gives them an opportunity to laugh again and feed off the humor you find in it. Spend time with fun, playful people. Their playful point of view and laughter are contagious.
Every comedian appreciates an audience. Bring humor into conversations. It can even make exercise more fun and more productive. You will need a good support team to keep you on track and help you fill your life with healthy, positive activities. But ultimately the decision to end a relationship is yours, and succumbing to pressure from those around you is unlikely to last very long. When all else fails, sometimes it helps to step back and ask yourself, point blank, What do I really want?
Only you know the answer. I guess we all have to go through this at one point in our lives. What we should always remember is that we are free to do what we want and our happiness does not depend on anybody else. We are the only ones who have the power to make ourselves happy. We should never think that, by getting out of a bad relationship, we will never be happy again we all know that it all comes down to happiness. Thanks so much for your comment, Andreea! That's a great point that another factor that might keep people in bad relationships is the belief that they won't be happy with anyone else, or on their own.
I agree that taking responsibility for creating your own happiness would be another important step in breaking free of an unhealthy relationship. Thank you for your comment, Anonymous. That's wonderful that you had the courage to end it and are doing well now. Ultimately my partner scares me as to what he might do if I end our 8 year relationship and this is what holds me back everytime because I know he has nasty devious side to him. When I am a little merry on a couple of glasses of wine, I get an overwhelming sense of control, and get angry about why I am in this mess and feel absolutely capable of ending right there right now.
My partner owns a relatively successful business's and has done so most of his adult life building it up, he works very hard but he has a temper like nothing I've seen. I have no idea about his personal financial status which as a partner I think I should know everything - he boasted about his status when we first met buying me gifts, dining me out and holidays.
After a year there was a sudden change in him and behaved in a completely different way which left my head spinning, At this point I had already moved in with him at his behest. Things got really bad it was if his attitude was 'I've got you now'. I began to find myself treading on eggshells as he would come home at night and hurl 2 hours of how crappy his day was peppered with foul language, slamming doors, work tops etc, he wore a scowl on his face like that I've seen so many times now so I know what's coming.
I became a nervous wreck and depressed, he had me well and truly in the gutter and so needy he had full control over me as he marched round dictating, controlling, worse thing was how he would just set up the bedroom for sex, he routinely pulled back the duvet covers, close the curtains and ligh just one bedside lamp then simply lead me in and have his way - id pretend I was enjoying it too.
After he'd finished I'd feel even worse to the point where I felt like captured slave to do whatever he felt like doing. Slowly my life and self had slowly disappeared beyond recognition, I was weak, il, pathetic, no self esteem and had about as much respect from him as perhaps his Labrador - just a dog who needed controlling. Subsequently I had to take time of work for depression but during the last days of my final week I work away from hom a lot I received an email from him reading line after line that I was problem and needed help and 'bye the way ; you don't live here anymore.
What he meant was is that the. Knute I left to drive to Southampton to work- he made love to me that morning and kissed me goodbye and safe journey etc and then immediately packed all my belongings in a crude and uncaring way crushing clothes into bin bags! Breaking some treasured items, he literally deleted me from my home the rental was in his name he'd had my things taken to my house 2 hours away which was being renovated to sell and was not in a fit state to live in.
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The shock was devastating and I've never suffered anything so bad as this- the insult of complete rejection, I was broken and fell apart at my desk in front of everyone. Despit the shock, like a robot I had massive urge to drive home some 4 hours. I needed to see this for myself.
I drove home dangerously I'll through blinding tears, my eyes so puffed up they were just slits. Not only had he thrown me out he'd removed himself too. Where, I didn't have clue. Just the day before I had left a fully furnished lived in home for two years and now it was completely empty as I looked through the windows - even the carpets had been cleaned and looked immaculate. I was stunned again , I don't have any family to speak of, my mother who I adored died young and I never met my real dad whom I believe while being on a mission to try and find him found that hehad died at the age of 47 so that was that.
I do have two children by my first and only marriage nut there's no way I wanted to upset them, we are very close but I didn't want to worry them. Eventually I drove a further two hours to a close friends house who's always been my surrogate dad- I've known him 25 years and met in a catering establishment where he took me on as waitress while at college, i'd planned to go to university and so we just got on- he has been my rock for all those years and Off course his doors were flung oopen to me as I errupted in tears, I was in such a state he wasn't sure I needed Medical attention so you can imagine how I was.
I stayed there for a while praying for a call or text message from but nothing. I started to get a bit angry and stated I wanted drive back to the place I'd been living to go find him- so we just that. We drove round aimlessly , I hated not knowing where he was I felt so lost but strangely I do remember feeling a sort of relief after all I'd not been happy for ages and yet I yearned to be with him and him loving me again We drove past the local estate agents where suddenly I decided in a flash I was not going to be driven out of town by ANYONE resulting in my moving into a beautiful apartment of my own and it felt amazing.
Anyway a week or so in I received a text from him asking me how I was? My reply well 'what do think' a few text pinged back and forth resulting in wanted to see me, I agreed and felt such relief but, again the sense of why would I want to see him, I had survived the shock of being thrown out and landed myself a new place which would always be immaculate and beautiful and respected.
He took me to his new cottage just a few hundred yards from our home, it dawned on me then how much planning he'd put in to achieve this, for example, handing in notice one month before and searching for somewhere else, I do recall he was later than usual coming home so guess the house hunting must have taken place during that time so of course he was lying when he said he'd worked late or called in the pub on his way home. Anyway, after showing me proudly round his pretty little cottage, I felt sick; he told me he still loved but couldn't live with me right now and it was too soon, then he made love to me.
Afterwards I felt totally abused, he said he'd call me sometime and so I left bewildered , crying and used.. It was so upsetting seeing familiar things we'd bought together in a different home, I felt like a large chunk of life had been stolen. It was almost Christmas and after visiting on request like some kind of call girl he said he wanted to spend Xmas day with him which I did but then felt that horrible emptiness and rejection when I had to pack up and leave on boxing day while he had other plans that didn't include me, again I felt used and unbelievably sad and sorry for myself It turns out my x partner was flying that day to Thailand for two weeks with his brothers family to a 5 star resort without me, it dawns on me that he was deadly serious about ending the relationship simply because he was going widthout me and that they would know and no doubt he would have told bad things about me - a further relationship ending, another blow.
My SD surrogate dad suggested we go for a fees to the sun too, I was very reluctant at first thinking that it would upset my partner if he found out and I hadn't got permission - pathetic I know but that's how it felt. Eventually I agreed to 5 nights in Tenerife, my feelings mixed between heart dropping sensations of my loss coupled with a sort excitement at being free- weird. A text did arrive asking how I was, I replied with 'fine' thanks i'm just getting off a plane from Tenerife , my phone rang immediately, he seemed shocked, upset almost that little me had managed to go and enjoy myself, it was at this point that the tables turned , suddenly he was saying can't wait to see you darling , I miss you , I love you I was overjoyed but totally confused.
To cut along story short we started seeing each other again each time sex was on the agenda, my lovely flat costing a bomb each month empty while gradually I had lots of my clothes and things I his house. It was still a treading on eggshell existence with him. One night he picked me up from mine saying he had a surprise, surprise it was when he pulled up outside our home he chucked me out of and unlocked the front door, as I entered there fresh flowers hundreds of lit candles new sof , curtains etc, it did look lovely but at the same tim deeply upsetting that he'd done a deal with the landlord and moved back in making my former home his own, I felt sick.
The night passed with the predictable , he said just wanted to date me and take things slowly, I agreed but hated the control he had over me. Arrived on Seeing each other as required when one day I was sat in the kitchen while his 4 year old son was watching TV , he was doing his usual banging around when from nowhere I stood up and shouted "I've had enough of this" I was blazing mad going to every room to collect all my belongings , stuffing rapidly into bin bags - he just stayed I the kitchen saying nothing.
As stuffed everything into the boot of my car I then got in and started the engine , he came flying out and said. I've never been so mad, it must have been all things I've wanted to say and treading on eggshells finally erupted yet somehow there was a funny sense of relief. I didn't hear from Peter for a while and I noticed how much I enjoyed just being me free to go when and where I choose.
I made new friends and joined a lovely spa I was actually happy.
Then contact started again, he wanted me back said he couldn't function without me. At this point I should mention that I no longer felt weak quite the opposite and I felt in control over his feelings. I wasn't playing games here but I said I'd think about it. Thinking about it I did and figured everyone deserves a second chance but did feel that sense of what am I going to say to everyone when I've told people what he did to me - they'd go mad Things were ok for a while until one day he smashed down a jar of mustard at dinner table, I'd dared to have an opinion on a subject and glass and it's contents went everywhere and could have been nasty.
Immediately I got up grabbed my things and left. I didn't see or hear from Peter for about 6 months and I was fully over it, came off anti depressants and really enjoyed my life again, I was free. Then came the bouquets, love notes etc etc, my heart sank because the problem I have is a fear of what he might do if I finish it. He sort of scares me that way because as he states often, " I never lose' he the most devious man I've ever met, I'm sure he's had my car tracked , got in my emails etc he prides himself on nobody makes a fool out if him as he knows everything , he talks about how he would crush other small companys if they were competition , everyone else is stupid and frankly im not all together sure he likes women at all - think of the routine bedroom scene where it feels like he needs to be serviced!
I do notice how much engratiates himself with new people and considers himself as an upstanding, successful business man, interestingly if we meet anyone of any standing, he acts like he's not with me and I'm completely ignored. Anyways, we did see eachother for a while and I broke it off, sure enough I started getting nasty letters posted by his drivers from all over the country so I'd open them, I was dreadful, my heart stopped for a second and then the panic attack, full blown and onmy own, what is thisnfear he's instilled in me.
Things calmed a whie and a new apartment nearer to my friends came up so I decided to move, another action I was made feel like how dare you make these decisions on your own- I ignored him. I moved into my new apartment even more beautiful than the last it was wonderful to have friends round to entertain and do anything I wanted.
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Then one morning I opened a letter which was a receipt for the deposit on the apartment I'd just vacated, I was gob smacked and it felt really creepy, he later said that his tenancy was up and my old apartment was the best the market and he needed a grade for Harry to play hmm I don't know about that. I continue to live my life and so long as there was contact with him I could relax but the minute any text or letters came I'd just crumble with fear and generally have a panic attack so severe I thought I might die.
You may think I'm it's but I assure you I'm a professional project leader tenjoying the benefits of a decent salary but once again he somehow weadled his way back in , this was at a time when started to think, ok it's been great hanging out with new friends, drinking to much and partying a lot but suddenly I felt irresponsible and considered I couldn't carry on like that and that I should secure my future" At first he couldn't do enough for me and constantly telling me he loved He said he was sorry for what he had sone and begged me to forgive him, I did and then on holiday in Corfu in a crowded outside restaurant ; he popped the question What could I do I was trapped and so accepted to rapturous clapping and waiters ready with champagne- I was tagged!
Things were ok for a while but the vile temper and grimacing look crept back in to the point one night he'd gone to bed early and I was listening to music, I turned it down begrudgingly and sat with a glass of wine and chilled, I love my own company. I went to go to the loo when the bedroom door flung open and he through me to the floor shouting and balling expletives, suddenly my head felt wet and as I lifted my dizzy self up the floor had a pool of blood, he'd split the back of my head open.
His reaction was one obviously of fear, he kept saying he was sorry and to simply have a shower , I knew at this point I needed emergency A and E. I was able to lock myself I the en suit bathroom with my phone and not sure which way round but phoned a male friend and whispered what had happened, he said I'm on my way Think I then called police.
Both theolice and my friend turned up at the same time, my friend was screaming " what have you done to her" and launched out the house. The police came to the bathroom door to see what had happened, I made statement while my friend rang the hospital, in the end he took me to causality where they clean me up and putnverynpsinful stitches in my head which was blown up massive.
I returned hope , the police had put my partner I a cell for the night and typically claimed I was drunk and had fallen down and the noise woke him up blah blah blah. You're not going to like this next bit an I'm dumbfounded myself but I saw his contact lenses I the bathroom, they are special type as he has a affliction in one eye, suddenly I started to feel sorry for him even. After what he had done to me.
15 Ways To Leave Your Lover (With Love) | Psychology Today
I packed his things and gave them to the police to take with them. Although I felt sorry for him. I also felt scared of what he might do because someone like my partner to spend a night in a cell would devastating to him if anyone found out.
He constantly promotes himself, for months he built a website all about him including photos etc but not word about his significant other half, I tackled hi, about this and said it was more like another way of finding dates or people who are interested in him, put it this way anyone reading itnwouldnthink they'd got great catch My current situation is that I have my place and he hasnhisnplace but spends all of his time with me adding to the cost of running , at no time has he offered to pay anything towards my increasing bills I now have zero friends as they all got fed up of me vowing 'this is it' there's no going back which of course I did many times.
I have asked him but it's impossible to get him to discuss, I also get the eggshell feeling. I don't even known why I am doing this I'm desperatley unhappy and as I type this out I am in fact inhospital diagnosed with intertidal cystitis - a life style changing event. I' m sure all the stores and fear has brought this on, the problem is when I told my partner I didn't feel well he dropped everything, canceled meeting, trip abroad , all his diary put a line through it. I'm so confused by this, he's told everyone he knows almost as lif he wants the sympathy having to drive the 50 miles back and fourth to the hospital - the nurses think he's wonderful as discuses what my new lifestyle acid free diet should look like.
It's these things that throw me completely - does he really care or am i just an objectnin his life that supports him because thats how i feel. Does anybody out there understand my situation should I go with my gut feeling? I just can't break this mad cycle that's been going on for 7 yard half years. Feel like I'm losing the plot as nobody to talk to about so any insight you may have would be Appreciated.
Poppy,I hope you come back to this page like I have done but I hope you delete this search history because I'm frightened for you. I'm afraid that you're in so deep and although you know this man is totally not meeting your needs but abusing you,time and time again, psychologically,emotionally and physically and yet you're still hanging on in there. Poppy,you've lost all your friends to him because they cannot bear to see what is happening to you. Your friends are terrified for you. They tried to help you but even after that guy did all those awful things to you,degraded you,you kept going back to him.
They know they cannot stop you from going back to him. They haven't stopped caring about you. They simply cannot make that decision for you and cannot be there for you until you walk away from him for good because it means they are otherwise complicit in this hideous,violent,nasty thing that is your relationship. Poppy,I hope you're reading this. I hope you'll do the right thing by yourself and leave and leave for good. Please talk to a therapist. If your children were in relationships like yours',would you not be as afraid for them as I am for you?
I don't know you but I've walked in shoes like yours' and taken steps along a journey much like you are on. I pray you get to the end of this nightmare and begin a new life. You are clearly a very lovely lady-being loved badly is not the same as being loved. Don't compromise like that-not for what makes you so obviously unhappy. Much love-my heart is breaking thinking of what you are putting yourself through. You can end this chapter and put this book down for once and for all-start a new one. You can do it! I am speechless your story is near enough identical to mine in places I feel like I'm going insane.
Heartbroken like I'm hooked on a drug I would love to tAlk to you via email I hope we can help each other. If anyone else can advise me too I'm lost and so unhappy. I would love to talk to you if that's ok I'm in similar situation and feel lost.. If ok please reply. He treats me badly, lies and cheats - I walk away and sob for weeks on end then I get the "I miss you" text and go right back.
For the first few weeks he's amazing, showering me with love and affection but it soon goes back to his heavy drinking, mental abuse, cheating and lying. My step mum actually said the sentence "it's like you're addicted to him" and that's exactly how it feels. If any of my friends were allowing someone to treat them so poorly I'd be furious and disappointed in them.
I was so strong and confident before I met him and now I don't even know who I am. I'm actually embarrassed by how much shit I have tolerated from him. Dear Poppy; I am an old and not so wise old man who has read your very long, novel like thread and have great amount of feeling for your situation. If you would like to correspond via email, I would love to talk with you. I read this letter and thought this person must be a fly on my shoulder. How else could she be describing how I feel so perfectly? I left a 2 year abusive relationship 5 months ago. The abuse started with just comments and snide remarks at first.
A lot of things about my weight, or my teeth, or my voice, or how much food I ate, what type of food etc etc. All the things that I already had insecurities about. If the mattress wasn't pushed tight up against the headboard, I was screwing someone on it earlier that day. If the laptop wasn't exactly like he left it, I was on it flirting with someone. If I had a nap during the day, I had to take a picture of me in bed alone.
I had to take pictures of what I was wearing. If I was wearing makeup, I was getting dolled up for someone. Then he added alcohol, and the verbal attacks increased, only with the dirty filthy "women names" thrown in. The first time he was physically violent with me, I was in such shock, I had never been physically abused before, and it scared me. I called my family and they were as shocked and as appalled as I was, and arrangements were made to get me out of there Then he sobered up, made promises and promises, showered me in love and affection etc, and we were all good I had a peace bond in place, which as a newby to the court system, was naive enough to believe that it would keep me safe.
Of course it didn't. It lasted about 3 months. There had been arguments prior, and I was no angel, I would taunt him with it during our fights. It felt good that the power had "shifted" I was in control of his life now, instead of the other way around. I even punched him in the face after a particularly nasty fight, where he dragged me outside, tore my shirt off, and tried to run me over. It was the very first time in my 43 years I had ever punched another human being and it felt so good, it scared me. Things were calm after that. For about 2 weeks.
He had his arm around my neck, choking me. I started to pass out, just as he let me go. I was able to get away and call the police. I had reached the end of my rope. I couldn't live like this any more.
The only thing stopping me from calling the police prior was I would ALWAYS feEl guilty about the thought of him in jail and what it would mean to his 6 year old son. I told them he had a peace bond. By the time they arrived 2 hours later, my boyfriend had taken off drunk, and the police said, and I will quote " we didn't see him drinking, your bruises look old, so unless you want us to take you to a safe house, there isn't much else we can do" Anyway, I got on a plane a few days after that came home to my family, and talk to him just as much as I always did, I still "have" to send him pictures of what I'm wearing, where I'm going who I'm with etc.
But I do the same to him!! I send him nasty vile texts telling him I am having sex with men, just to make him mad and jealous, and then absolutely hate myself the next minute! I swear to god I am going crazy. I was seeing a mental health therapist, but the last time I saw her she said she doesn't think I need to still see her I just canceled a plane ticket to go back to this person A tiny bit of background I am a survivor of incest.
Many many many years, by an uncle, AND TWO family "friends", for majority of my adolescent life, up until the age of about I was married and with the same man for 26 years. I cheated on him hibitually. We have been separated for 4 years. During that 4 years, I moved back and forth so many times the pilots thank me for paying for there kids and grandkids university educations! I used to think "this would never happen to me" I don't know how or why or even if anyone will read or see this.
I just typed in looking for unbiased advice and this was the first page I came too, and poppys story was the 1st I read, so I decided to leave my story. I have tried and tried to even dial a woman's domestic violence hot line, to say am I crazy? Why the hell do I keep doing this? Why can't I just walk away and be done. I get so angry at myself for getting myself into this situation to begin with.
For some reason I posted this. If not to help me, maybe to help someone else see that we're not alone. You are only hurting yourself. Good luck to us all xo. Maybe what holds you is the love you once shared and that illusion is powerful. When the relationship was good is was amazing!! You both were and some things are so hard to let go of bc he got into your subconscious.
Maybe he met a need no one else could. He had the key and u didn't even have to make it for him. But as good as it was some things just deteriorate naturally. No one wants them too. We want to use a life grip to keep these two pieces together but sometimes we need to know when to let go and let the pieces fall.
Some relationships are only for a time. And if we can see that and know maybe just maybe someone else needs us more or our needs will be better met with another man who will really love you.. We think of it as loss but in reality we will gain much more of we can just let go. Poppy, this man is going to drive you completely insane, and probably into bankruptcy.
He is NOT treating you like an angel. He's using you for narcissistic supply. Listen to that "eggshell" feeling. That is your intuition telling you that this guy is dangerous. The only way to be rid of a narcissist is no contact. No returning calls, texts or e-mails. Walk away and never look back. Deal with your feelings of withdrawal with a therapist which you will have.
The anxiety will be nearly overwhelming, but this guy is a loon. Check Melanie Tonia Evan's website on narcissistic abuse recovery. I have gone through torturous, belittling, disrespectful, cheated on, lied to, raped numorous, etc. He made it to where I had no safe place to go. People would ask me to leave, I would leave with him to keep him from causing problems at other peoples homes, etc.
My kids also suffered. Finally, one night I escaped. He called next day threatening. I didn't return to him.
How to Identify & Release Toxic Relationships
Next night he came. I was alone with kids of a friend, as she had gone out dancing. He busted in, punching me in face, saying things in front of the kids. I sent them to bed. Luckily they went to sleep. He kept hitting me, blood coming from my ear, yanking my neck he had given whiplash to years before and I had a rod put in, etc. Finally, someone called the sheriff and as a gal had shown up prior to the sheriff arriving, she locked the doors. He couldn't get in. Was pulling air conditioner out of window when sheriff arrived.
He went to jail for 6 mos. Got out and tried everything to get me back. He is serving a 12 yrs sentence in prison for rape and assault on his girlfriend after I refused to be bullied back to him no matter if life or death. I'm happy and I'm free and I'm safe. Making better choices every time a relationship looks ugly.
Hugs and I hope you are safe now or get safe soon. Dear Poppy, I am afraid for you. Please find a good psychotherapist in the next town and even if you are not ready to leave him at least they can help you begin to heal from the trauma. You should not deal with this alone. Friends are great but sometimes there are things from your past that might predispose you to accept this type of behavior as ok internally. A therapist can help you with this and empower you to make the right choice for you.
Remember that there is always someone else. It may not seem that way but there is. Don't let years go by and then you look back and see only horrible memories. Because time moves on and it's unforgiving. Good luck and be safe. I read your story and find it interesting how I can relate to you in so many ways. It compelled me to post which I never do.
I keep thinking to myself that I'm crazy because I don't know anyone that has gone through the trauma of such a volatile relationship. I obviously came to this article because I am struggling with ending a 16 yr relationship. I have been with my child's father for more than half my life and it's been constant devastation. I too have isolated myself from friends and have become severely depressed. I am currently 7 months pregnant with my second child by him. I have come to the conclusion that my children's dad is a narcissistic sociopath, he fits every definition of the word.
You should really do some research on it as I think it will help you put things into a rational perspective. Sociopaths lack empathy and are users. They view all "relationships" in a predatory way and anyone in their life are victims, even their own children. During the 10 months of no contact with him I found out lots of devastating things about him by a relative of his and I believe that's what drew me back to him. So I came back to him despite everything he has done and the order of protection because my ego was crushed that he had moved on so easily and quickly.
I didn't tell anyone about our reunion for a few weeks because I was afraid of the judgement. But he manipulated me into letting him speak to and see my daughter, which resulted in me having to tell my parents and everyone else. I've had many discussions with her about it because she was a witness to the altercation and my constant crying. I always give her a platform to speak on how she feels. She is very confused by all of this and had confided in me that she doesn't trust him and is afraid that he'll hurt me again. She doesn't understand why I would be with him if he hurt me.
She is completely justified. I feel the same way. I'm scared so I understand how she feels. She worries that he will hurt me and what will happen to her if I'm not around. We've had this discussion many times. Things were on such a high for the first two months of our reunion but then I found out more devastating news and the secrets keep coming out as I'm getting further along in my pregnancy. I also worry that my unborn child will not be healthy because I am so stressed and depressed everyday.
He has also baited me with an engagement ring that he has yet to pay for in full and saying he was going to move in with me. But nothing more has happened. He says that it will take time because of the current situation but I see that it will not get better, only worse.
I know the answers of what I must do and how to move forward without him, I just wish I had the strength to do so and that it wasn't so hard for me to detach. As I know it is very easy for him to detach from me and his daughter. I wish I knew you and could talk to you and let you know that you are not alone. What gets me through is my daughter and my parents unconditional love and support. My self esteem has gone so low and I feel that I have lost myself. I know that I have to be a strong example for my daughter and this is not healthy.
I fear that she will repeat my same pattern in her relationships. And I feel like a bad mother because I am so weak. I hate myself for putting myself and my child at risk by being with him. I love my daughter so much and I cry every night for putting us back in this situation and not having the strength to walk away for good and now I'm bringing another child into this world. Reading this article is really powerful and it helps me rationalize what I am feeling in going through. What I know to be true is that happiness comes from within and you can't rely on anyone else for your own happiness.
What helps me get back to a happy place is being grateful for all of my blessings and what I do have and letting go of the worry and anger of what I don't have. I hope you have found or find your peace and happiness and are doing well. You don't care about urself. So he don't care about u. Ur not a silly teenager. I don't know where to start-but I struggled so much with this relationship I was in for the longest of time and it really was like an addiction-I know it was not good for me and that the person didn't give me anything near what I believe a good relationship consists of-but I was drawn to them like a moth to the flame-repeatedly getting burnt.
If I didn't seek them out, they would seek me out-to the point where it become so ridiculous. We fell out, so many times-I walked out on the relationship, countless times-but I reached the point where I tried desperately to just forget they ever meant anything to me. I grew up being told I was worthless, that I was thick and ugly and I have carried this belief with me. As a child, I acquired a skin condition that marked me so badly that I determined I was indeed hideously deformed. I isolated myself from people but when I first met this person, they quickly realised I was very susceptible to any kindness.
They pursued me relentlessly then as soon as we would get close, whether through physical or emotional intimacy-they would distance themselves. It pains me to remind myself of the fact that in actual fact, they didn't value me. I had been my happiest when I first realised they desired me, knowing how disfigured I was. This, sadly made me think for years, that they and only they would ever accept me as I am so flawed. Today, they text me again, out of the blue asking how I am and I told them they did not have to do this. I won't lie-it still hurts like hell that I had given so many years to one so unworthy of me but ending it, on my terms, gives me the knowledge that I chose to close this chapter in my life and not all of those years was synonymous with them-I also had a life-and still do!
Dear Anonymous, I'm so sorry for what you went through. It seems like you have a lot of insight into what happened and why it was so hard to leave. Low feelings of self-worth can certainly increase vulnerability to manipulative partners, and can reinforce the belief--often perpetuated by such partners' treatment--that you are not worthy of love so you are lucky to be getting whatever you're getting from that partner.
As you said, what might feel like love from a partner like that is a far cry from the kind of love that you deserve, but it can be hard to see the potential for something better when you're in the midst of a toxic relationship. You should know that you're not alone in having had difficulty leaving your relationship--it's something that many, many people struggle with. It's great that you've moved on now and have so much clarity and perspective. I hope that you're surrounding yourself with people who truly love and accept you, because you deserve nothing less.
Hi there, sorry to hear your story it's sounds all to famila that people take advantage of your weaknesses. Regarding your lifelong belief that you are ugly I can identify with as I was an ugly duckling too but now it doesn't bother me because actually I'm not ugly at all, I'm not beautiful but I am attractive and I'm guessing you are too. You need to stand proud take control and be more selective with the people you hang out with, you are a person same as everyone else with equal rights to choose whom you like being with. Have you ever tried cognitive therapy?
This could help reverse the notion that you are still an ugly duckling - well it worked for me,hope that helps a little, meanwhile I'm battling along with chronic situation. It began 4 years ago oct I was divorced for almost 3 years. I was lonley, with a new job, that put me away from my family. I craved for attention.
I started talking this this man at my work. He eventually asked me on a hike. Thats where it all began. I heard he had a girlfriend, but not sure. I asked him on the way back. I said do you have a girlfriend, he said yes. But I was so lonely and had no friends. He said she was dying. I decided to see him intimately on the side.
After about 2 months I feel in love with him. I realized it was wrong and broke off whatever we had. He called me with in days and I saw him again. I don't know how many times I broke it off and he would call and my heart would leap. I brought him to all his bereavement counseling and watched his heart break over his girlfriends death. He had never claimed to be in love with me and told me that was his one true love.
I kept trying to get away from him, but it never fails. He doesn't treat me like a woman should be treated when a man is in love with a woman. I don't know how to break this cycle. I am so much in love with him my heart hurts, but at the same time I resent him and hate him, but still want to be with him. How can I break this cycle of neglect, no love. To day we had a fight and he hit me with a broom and my arm is still hurting.
I am no angel, because I was so mad at him, I called him names. He seems so selfish and absorbed only in his life. He doesn't have much money and seems okay with that. I don't help him with his rent anymore and stay at his place as little as possible.