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Parenthood in the United States has become much more demanding than it used to be. Over just a couple of generations, parents have greatly increased the amount of time, attention and money they put into raising children. Mothers who juggle jobs outside the home spend just as much time tending their children as stay-at-home mothers did in the s. Sign up to get NYT Parenting in your inbox every week. The amount of money parents spend on children, which used to peak when they were in high school, is now highest when they are under 6 and over 18 and into their mids.

Sentilles, a professor in Cleveland Heights, Ohio. I took him to soccer practices at 4.

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We tried track; we did all the swimming lessons, martial arts. I did everything. Of course I did. There are signs of a backlash, led by so-called free-range parents, but social scientists say the relentlessness of modern-day parenting has a powerful motivation: economic anxiety. For parents, giving children the best start in life has come to mean doing everything they can to ensure that their children can climb to a higher class, or at least not fall out of the one they were born into.

Stacey Jones raised her two sons, now in their 20s, as a single mother in a working-class, mostly black neighborhood in Stone Mountain, Ga. She said she and other parents tried hard to give their children opportunities by finding affordable options: municipal sports leagues instead of traveling club teams and school band instead of private music lessons. Jones, who works in university communications. The s brought helicopter parenting, a movement to keep children safe from physical harm, spurred by high-profile child assaults and abductions despite the fact that they were, and are, exceedingly rare.

Intensive parenting was first described in the s and s by social scientists including Sharon Hays and Annette Lareau. It grew from a major shift in how people saw children. They began to be considered vulnerable and moldable — shaped by their early childhood experiences — an idea bolstered by advances in child development research.

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The time parents spend in the presence of their children has not changed much, but parents today spend more of it doing hands-on child care. Time spent on activities like reading to children; doing crafts; taking them to lessons; attending recitals and games; and helping with homework has increased the most. While fathers have recently increased their time spent with children, mothers still spend significantly more. Toddlers learn appropriate behavior by watching those around them.

The toddler years are an important time for building social skills. Most 2-year-olds engage in parallel play with other children and have trouble learning to share, but should start having friendships by age 3. The earliest skills include scribbling and stacking blocks by about 15 months, using a spoon by age 2 and copying a circle by age 3.

Toddlers need help identifying their emotions. Talk to your child about the emotions they seem to be feeling, like sadness or frustration, and explain what it means and how to adjust. Your toddler needs boundaries to feel safe while exploring the world. Set clear guidelines about acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Never compromise on safety matters, even if your toddler is upset. Keep sleep times and meal times as consistent as possible—and be prepared that changes to the routine may bring on a meltdown. Reading to your toddler prepares them to become better readers in the future.

If I could do it all again I would never have my son. I want him out. I think if your kid is very self reliant job at 16 , smart or talented enough to get college paid for and responsible and organized enough to get a job right out of college or just wildly successful that keeps them from coming back home, it might be worth it. In my opinion, the average kid takes too much from your life. Hopefully my son gets a job and gets the heck out of my house. Not worth it. Perhaps his ability accomplish so much might have a lot to do with how you raised him..

Ikwo: yes, it is enough to have a sweet kid with a good soul. The lack of this created at least 2 potentially unhappy persons: themselves and their child.

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Throughout history, parents have had help raising kids from extended families; the atomized lifestyle that many modern first world people live makes that very difficult. People who have jobs with long hours, traveling, or weekends and late hours? Who will watch the kids?

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What about kids with costly medical conditions? Raising kids is not easy for countless of reasons. However, the best things in life take a lot of energy and struggles. Kids are sacrifice and work.

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They are both good well rounded young people. I did give up the prime of my life for these children and still have to get them through college, and yes some days i do get tired of parenting, it is a long haul. This article and comments are so strange to me. I really tried to take a step back and figure out where I fit in those results stemming from the study.

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And the truth is…. My daughter gives me so much joy. So much absolute utter joy. I adore every single thing she says and does and am amazed at how I can shape this tiny little person and who she becomes and how she thinks. Yes, sometimes I need a break from her for a few hours. So we are not attached by the hip. But my overall love for her is endless. These people are freaking crazy. My kids are extremely draining and yes I have sacrificed a lot for them emotionally and financially, but it was my choice.

I own that choice no matter the drama that resonates from it. I am just more resilient than most people. I tend to think that these sort of moments in our life make us more empathetic and better people. I remember being that shitty young adult on the plane upset over the crying baby for five hours straight. In fact I miss those baby moments so much I offer the trade for my older kid in jest.

Kids are a part of our journey, if we so chose to have them, and they are a huge reflection of our personality, mercy and grace. Nurture trumps nature.


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I should know because I am adopted from some screwed up stock. We went to Bora Bora, St.


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Lucia, Hawaii, etc. Easy life…I guess I see no real learning or progress in that. Only self centeredness that made me feel super empty. And self centered people typically die alone.