Get PDF The People Pleasers Assertiveness Bible

Free download. Book file PDF easily for everyone and every device. You can download and read online The People Pleasers Assertiveness Bible file PDF Book only if you are registered here. And also you can download or read online all Book PDF file that related with The People Pleasers Assertiveness Bible book. Happy reading The People Pleasers Assertiveness Bible Bookeveryone. Download file Free Book PDF The People Pleasers Assertiveness Bible at Complete PDF Library. This Book have some digital formats such us :paperbook, ebook, kindle, epub, fb2 and another formats. Here is The CompletePDF Book Library. It's free to register here to get Book file PDF The People Pleasers Assertiveness Bible Pocket Guide.
I am most definitely, most unequivocally, most assuredly a people pleaser. Not only do I want people to like me, I want them to seek me out as a.
Table of contents

However, this help only continues as long as the client maintains a close relationship with God. Extreme jealousy and domestic violence are many times manifestations of codependent independence. In 1 st Samuel Chapter 18, David was given more credit for victory in the songs of the women than Saul. He even threw a javelin at Jonathan, his own son, because he thought that Jonathan had sided with David. In 1 st Samuel Chapter 22, he killed Ahimelech, the priest, all his relatives including women and children of Nob; because he thought they had supported David.

A People Pleaser’s Confession

Underneath his facade, the codependent feels less than others. Many times the codependent believes God is against him and blames God or others for his failures. The codependent quickly forgets his insights into his own feelings of inadequacy and his promises to change. In 1 Samuel , Saul again tried to kill David, and David again spared him.

Distance must sometimes be used as a boundary against codependent behavior. The real issue is righteousness—making unbiased, just decisions and being able to carry them out. Righteousness, especially in this case, includes having the right amount of dependence or independence from each person or thing. Either faith in God will overcome our codependency or the codependency will overcome our faith in God. Saul got to the point where he could no longer hear from God at all. His trust in God had turned to fear. He finally went to the witch of Endor to learn his future 1 Samuel Saul had preciously ordered all witches to be executed.

The key issue in codependency is a battle with the flesh. Saul was told by Samuel or a familiar spirit impersonating him that he and his sons would die in battle the next day. Codependent Independent Worldly Failure will eventually result in self-destruction. In spite of the prophecy that he and his sons would be killed in battle the next day, he chose to go into battle anyway in order to save face. After being wounded, he asked his armor-bearer to kill him and when the armor-bearer would not, he fell on his own sword.

Many codependent independent worldly failures eventually resort to self-destructive behaviors like alcohol, drugs, or suicide. Codependency is a generational sin. Codependent independent worldly failures are difficult clients to counsel. They usually come to counseling only after a major failure or when their family is threatening to leave them. They have a difficult time admitting their mistakes, are usually very angry, and quit counseling as soon as they get a minimum level of relief or are allowed to return home.

Pride is a major barrier and their strong desire to perform makes them want to fix themselves. Many times domestic violence or verbal abuse is involved. A model for helping abusers will be discussed in detail later in this book. Because of their strong desire to control others, I believe that Conquering Codependency Springle, is the best resource to deal with codependent independent clients.

Have you fallen into the “Nice Girl” trap?

He is an angry controller who blames others for his problems and failures because of his feelings of inadequacy. The client builds an external facade, tries to force others to meet his needs rather than deal with his own problems, buries his emotions, and hides his insecurity. He is defensive, takes criticism personally, and reacts angrily. The client must realize that he is trying to be his own God, repent of his efforts to direct his own life, and take responsibility for his own actions, instead of blaming others.

He must learn to manage his anger and trust God to meet his needs. He must understand that controlling others is sin, set others free to make their own choices, deal with his own emotional problems and trust God in his relationships. He must actively reject the lie that his successes make him more worthwhile and that failures make him worthless. He must accept his worth in Christ and the unconditional love that God has for him.

Today our society is driven primarily by a desire for success. Consequently, probably the hardest type of client to convince of his problem is the codependent independent worldly success. He is a workaholic. Even when he realizes that he has a problem, the codependent independent worldly success is even less likely to remain in therapy for an extended period of time than the worldly failure.

Because everything goes his way, this over-achiever climbs to the top of his profession, receives all the acclaim that the world offers, but eventually finds out that all he has done is empty and meaningless. His inner pain and feelings of inadequacy remain. In the end, many times he has sacrificed his family and all that is dear to him for what turns out to be nothing at all. The best and most well known biblical type of this significant, seldom identified, psychological problem is King Solomon. They may come from what seems like a great Christian heritage and have everything going for them.

Solomon, on the surface, had absolutely everything going for him. Solomon admitted his feelings of inadequacy in the words, "I am but a little child," 1 Kings when he requested wisdom to rule from God. On the other hand, David may have actually spent more time with Solomon than the rest of his sons Proverbs 4.

The Nice Girl Trap

Davis had commanded Solomon to follow God with all his heart, so that one of his descendants would sit on the throne of Israel forever. God wants to bless the codependent independent, but the more he is blessed the greater danger that he will try to run his own life. God offered Solomon any wish, but he chose wisdom to rule and judge between good and evil. Because he chose this, God blessed him with riches and honor which are sometimes also the result of wisdom.

Why People Pleasing is Hurting You - Salma Hindy - TEDxUofT

These became part of his downfall. Close observation is sometimes required to see the signs of codependency. Israelites were not to marry anyone outside of Israel, and they were prohibited from sacrificing in the high places. In fact, they were supposed to tear the high places down. The codependent independent struggles with being too independent. Although he was told that everything in his future was contingent on his obedience to God, his actions showed that he was convinced that he could do a better job of running his own life.

Many times the codependent actually is unaware that he is running his own life instead of yielding to God. Some codependents even believe that whatever they think or want to do is what God is telling them to do. God clearly warned Solomon, but the warnings went unheeded. The underlying issue is trying to meet their needs themselves, even if it is at the expense of others.

In the story of the two harlots in 1 st Kings Chapter 3, one of the prostitutes accidentally rolled over on her baby while she slept during the night; and it died.

How to Succeed at Being Yourself

This tragedy represents the inner loss and hurt that has been experienced by the codependent. Instead of accepting and dealing with the loss, the first prostitute took the other's child and said that it was hers.


  1. Heroes And Fish;
  2. Books on Codependency.
  3. Were So Good Together.
  4. Finding Your Voice: A Christian Counselor on Assertiveness, Part 1.

In the same way, the codependent independent uses what others have their baby to meet his need for worth and significance. Codependents are more interested in their success than the needs of the people that work for them or even the members of their own families. In this story, Solomon was able to determine which prostitute really loved the baby when he threatened to have it cut in half.

The true mother loved the child and had its best interest in mind; even ahead of her own interests. The codependent independent only wants a child or corporation to meet his needs and would rather have it killed than to let another have it! This is the "toxic," selfish "love" of codependency. And this said, No; but the dead is thy son, and the living is my son. Thus they spake before the king. And they brought a sword before the king. But the other said, Let it be neither mine nor thine, but divide it. Solomon gave the child to the real mother.

This child needed the love of its real mother. As she loved and cared for him, the child would learn to trust her to meet all of its needs. In the same way, the codependent needs to feel loved by God so that he can learn to trust God for his worth, significance, love and security. He must face the pain of his own emptiness and turn to God for help, or he will continue to attempt to be his own god and try to meet his own needs. Natural wisdom, talent, approval and accomplishment are never enough. Solomon exceeded all the wise men of his time.

He was one of the most learned men. He studied science, wrote proverbs, and songs. All the people and even kings came to hear him. He had all the approval any man could ever have, but it was never enough. He had to do more. This is the problem with trying to use external accomplishments to fix how a person feels about himself internally. Even great religious accomplishments can be motivated wrongly by codependency and legalism.

The temple symbolizes Solomon's heart.

26 Best Don't be a people pleaser images | Inspirational quotes, Wise words, Me quotes

We are told that "he loved God. He wanted to please God, just like he wanted to please everyone else; so he performed well at the task of building the temple. Solomon built the majestic temple for God, but when the Ark of the Covenant was brought into it, it contained only the tablets of the law which stand for legalism and our attempts to please God in our own strength.

I counseled a pastor who had fallen into this same trap. Only after a great failure was he able to see his codependent independent motivation. He had always performed in order to please his father, and now he finally understood that he had been driven to do the same for God.