Cheated On The 10 Minute Reality Check

10 Minute Daily Reality Check greatest is because not only does he play for a coach that cheats, he himself cheated and tried to cover it up.
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And that is a perfectly natural reaction for her to have. And then you betrayed her and did everything you could to cover this up. The most emotionally significant person in her life, the person around whom she built her past, present, and future, stabbed her in the back, ripping her carefully constructed world apart with lies, secrets, manipulation, and what feels like a total lack of concern for her well-being.

A betrayed partner's emotional reactivity can continue for more than just a few days or weeks. Needless to say, none of these perfectly natural responses are fun for a cheater to deal with. I suggest the latter approach. He is the author of several highly regarded books, including Out of the Doghouse: Currently, he is Senior Vice President of National Clinical Development for Elements Behavioral Health , creating and overseeing addiction and mental health treatment programs for more than a dozen high-end treatment facilities.

For more information please visit his website, robertweissmsw. This article is totally divorced from reality. His statement "Generally speaking, men are able to separate and compartmentalize sex from love, while women cannot. For every man that is comfortable with a dual life there is a women who is also comfortable.

The is the type of sexist stuff I associate with the 's and 60's. Men and women have the same propensity for affairs or their would be nobody for the men to have affairs with. What is his next article "What to do when she is caught cheating"? Yeah, his arguments are cobblers Sam. But don't try and use the maths to suggest otherwise. It isn't linear, 1: Using the term affairs doesnt help. A lot of men use prostitutes who can obviously go through several men per day. There are also enlightened women who may see many different men concurrently.

Actually, since women have entered the workforce, the number of women who cheat has risen to now be slightly higher than the number of men who cheat. Men don't handle wives who cheat well at all. They don't compartmentalize sex from love, sex often is love to them. And another unrelated matter.

Drama in a relationship is like catnip to some people. I've known some men that cheat in every relationship they are in, and make darned sure they get caught. All that drama they create by cheating makes them feel adored, important and alive. It's the boredom of the everyday grind they abhor and they are will to bring all their loved ones on their cheating rollercoaster ride down along with them. If you're hiding it, it's because you know I'd disagree.

Otherwise, you'd just say I'm spending the night with Sara, see you tomorrow. If you hide things from me, I can't trust you with our money either, and even less if our life plans. Being in a relationship means giving up on a lot of my dreams. It impacts my career negatively. It impacts my daily choices. I'm definitely not investing in anyone who would let me sacrifice all of that and then just turn around and lie.

If you had a business partner and that partner started working for the competition without full disclosure or worse after signing a non-competitive agreement. Would you not care? Would you not question? Would you not sue? Don't give me that bullshit about men being able to separate love and sex.

It's not what it's about. It's about letting me decide if I want an open relationship with you. It's about not having half the people we know look at me with pitty because they know I don't know you're cheating. It's about me knowing that everything else that comes out of your mouth isn't a lie. Once you start lying I don't know that Personally, I respect myself too much to even put myself through the rollercoaster. I don't want a team mate that I have to watch. I don't want to have to be a control freak. It's way too much energy.

And I don't want to keep anyone tied down. If you feel you need sex from outside to be happy and it's not what I want for us, I'll give you your freedom back. I'll take the rollercoaster of deception down once and when I come back up, the ride will be over.

Just don't lie to me and take away my ability to decide if I want in or not. That is just being very very very selfish. In one form or another, every single point you make is in the book, "Out of the Doghouse," from the loss of trust in your relationship, to not wanting to be on the rollercoaster, to using a business analogy to help men understand what it feels like to be betrayed.

Thank you for stating your feelings so beautifully. All the behaviors Bernie engaged in are present in infidelity. Lying, cheating, deceit, embezzling funds, manipulation - all the things people despise about Bernie are exactly the same things marital cheaters do. Why are these guys so culturally reviled when they engage in these behaviors in the business world, but given a cultural pass when they engage in the same behaviors in their marriages or relationships?

In essence, whether it's a man or woman doing the cheating, things that might very well be illegal if you did them to a stranger are perceived as a non-issue when you do them to your spouse. And, btw - betrayed spouse here. The article is NOT divorced from reality. Everything he lists is exactly what will happen after cheating - whether you, as the victim, are a man or woman. I set up a business with my partner.

He becomes lazy and overweight. He refuses to buy me out and I try to dissolve it through the courts. I can see why you would try and draw analogies, but there are simply too many moving parts to relationships and oversimplification is dangerous. Do you and Anna really think that most men will give a monkey's about infidelity by looking at your metaphor? What we really need is some radical teaching of sex and biology from an early age. To tell people that monogamy is deeply against our mammalian nature, that religion is utterly flawed, that men and women are massively different both psychologically and physically.

Ironically, if the bar weren't set so high by society - and reinforced by silly thinking such as yours Mr Weiss then perhaps monogamy would have a better chance Maybe we should stick in some break clauses perhaps? While I think rape is abhorrent in all situations, it must be said that removing conjugal rights from the marriage contract has been an unmitigated disaster. Men cheat when they're not getting sex and men cheat when they ARE getting sex but want something new. You mgtow guys are really one dimensional. What woman thinks "job done" and stops having relations with her partner?

There are obviously other things going on that have to be examined by individual cases. Try reading Esther Perel or any half decent sex therapist. Women's libido falls off a cliff after marriage and most don't give a toss about the issue.

Can you ever expect be forgiven?

Quite happy to let the core of the relationship for men go to rot. Read Bettina Arndts 'Sex Diaries' for some pearls of wisdom there - plenty of women think 'job done'.


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You know, I understand its hard, there's biology at play etc but that only reinforces the dysfunction that is monogamy. Stop feeding them bs from the discredited 70s about matching sex drives etc. Tell them all straight - boys and girls - if you get married the sex is gonna disappear fast and if kids are involved that's a massive issue. Anyway most young men are becoming aware of the mess, by watching their own childhoods get destroyed and listening to the disatisfaction of older men ruined by their folly.

Sadly, I have to agree Infidelity is complicated as what is missing from ones life.

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Can't put everything in one basket. Whether it's affirmation, appreciation or sex for a man or emotional connection and respect for a woman and sex it all can destroy a marriage. Maybe it's as simple as long term marriages aren't meant to last longer than years which seems to be a "magic number" for many couples. Cheaters don't do that.

They don't want to suffer any consequences of their behavior. They want to keep their options open while denying that right to their spouses. Many young men and women in the blush of limerence con themselves into believing that oxytocin buzz will bond for life. But when the sex drops off - especially for young men - most wonder what the hell they were thinking. People don't have a gun against their heads - you're right - but what they don't have is full disclosure - they're fueled with custom and false societal expectations.

It is also disingenuous to assert that it is as easy as saying 'I'm out now' when the sex inevitably drops - and in most cases that hits to the core of masculinity especially. It's time for a reality check. Let's take a step back and not only assess what you're doing, but also why you're doing it. Let's get rid of the time-wasters and the potential injury inducers. Let's ask the tough questions, like, what are the chances that the muscles you're supposedly targeting aren't even being trained?

Some old-school practices refuse to die even after we've figured out that they're ineffective. People are still confused about abdominal strength, aesthetics, and transferable function to performance. As the story goes, young Herschel would knock out anywhere from sit-ups a day, building an Adonis-like body that produced one of the most impressive athletic physiques around. And he still looks great today! But if anecdotes and folklore alone lead to game-changing aesthetics gains, well, every McDonald's addict in America should be able to develop a set of abs that turns heads at the beach.

The type of volume Herschel put through his core on a daily basis was pretty insane. Like most gifted athletes, he rose to the top despite his training methods, not because of them. For the rest of us, this type of ab training only causes sore lower backs, crappy posture, and surgical-level abdominal soreness that just doesn't translate into strong, visually appealing abs. Four hours and 26 minutes! Yes, this happened in China, and yes, the man who set this record is a physical anomaly that both movement scientists and psychologists will never fully understand.

Any good coach, trainer, or practitioner in the fitness industry that was asked about this heroic physical feat responded in the same way: But there's a good reason for this. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Mao's abdominal wall was not maximally contracted the entire duration of the hold. However, he was able to hold on just long enough to position himself in a perfect orientation to hang out on the anterior pelvic ligaments and tendons of the hip.

Precursor to tendinopathies and ligamentous trauma? Yeah, that's more like it. The core, made up of the four separate but synergistically moving layers of the abdominal wall, has been misunderstood in both anatomy and function. One of the most misguided myths of core training is the idea that the core must function with ultra-endurance capabilities in order to be considered functional for an athlete.

The core has the physiologic capabilities to create tension throughout its musculature for extended periods of time. However, if your primary purpose is to transfer function into performance, then the core acts more as a phasic set of muscles with the acute ability to generate force and tension quickly for short periods. This unique action of the core working synergistically together is what allows us, as humans, to be mobile, powerful, and dynamically impressive without losing spinal stability with every quick, twitchy move we make in the gym and on the field.

With this known, training the rectus abdominis the "six-pack" muscle or either of the obliques to function as tonic muscles not only is impeding potential functional gains, but also wasting time that would be better invested in transferable strength and stability. The abdominal wall is comprised of four layers of musculature, all with distinct fiber orientations, actions and functional capabilities. But, when working in conjunction with one another, the core can also act as a functional unit to connect segments of the body together while creating a stable environment for serious force to be produced out of the legs and arms.

The deepest layer of the core is the transversus abdominis.

This muscle's fibers run horizontal in orientation while also acting largely as a tonic stabilizer of the abdominal cavity. It's attachment directly to the spine also makes it important for lumbar and lower thoracic spine stabilization. The internal and external obliques are located on both sides of the anterior-lateral thoracic cage and act to side-bend, rotate, and aid in flexion of the spine.

The internal oblique on the left side works in unison with the external oblique on the opposite side, and vice versa, to coordinate smooth, stable movements of the core.

Finally, the celebrity six-pack core muscle is the rectus abdominis. This muscle is the most superficial muscle in the group and runs from the bottom portion of the sternum to the pubic bone of the pelvis. It's the primary flexor of the lumbar spine. Since a majority of core training is centered on the rectus, it's important to figure out whether your hard-earned sweat dollars are going towards developing both strength and hypertrophy in this muscle, or is it just a big waste of time that could lead to potential chronic lower back pain and hip flexor dysfunction.

The training goal for doing a sit-up or any other spinal flexion movement is to target the rectus abdominis. Many obsessive-compulsive ab trainees have no idea if this muscle is even being targeted through their training. All they know for a fact is that their spines are moving into flexion, which has generally been accepted to be a bad thing biomechanically when programed too frequently with far too high of training volumes. Due to the compensation patterns developed, secondary to overtraining the rectus abdominis, the level of muscle recruitment can actually be less over time, while developing movement dysfunctions from secondary muscles that are supposed to be aiding in spinal flexion taking over the exercise altogether.

It's imperative that we get back to the basics of training -- figuring out how to maximally target a muscle through movement. Resetting your core and starting over from scratch can be a powerful thing, especially if the self-tests below show weakness in a muscle that's been your primary focus six times a week for over a decade!

Standard manual muscle testing MMT for the rectus abdominis is simple, and that's exactly what we need after the overly complex ab routines that have been dominating training sessions these days. First, lay down on your back with your knees absolutely straight.

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From this position, place both hands on the back of your head without yanking through the neck with your arms. This arm position is used not to play a role in neck trauma, but rather to extend your center of mass out further away from your core, creating a longer and heavier leaver arm to control once the movement starts. From the hands behind the head position, tuck your chin to the chest, bring your head, shoulders and arms off the floor, and sit-up only using your rectus abdominis. No cheating on this. If you see momentum being used from your hip flexors, legs or shoulders, repeat the test.

The only one you're cheating is yourself! The goal for this test is to be able to clear your shoulder blades off the floor only using the strength of your rectus abdominis.


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    • This is considered a normal finding indicative of a normal functioning rectus in terms of strength capability. If you aren't able to achieve this position without cheating, we'll simplify down the test by placing your hands across your chest like you're hugging yourself, and complete the same movement only using your rectus. If your shoulder blades are able to get off the floor in this position, you're still in the clear for having a strong-ish core, but may need some remediation. Finally, if you find yourself unable to get your shoulder blades off the ground with arms to your chest, simplify your arm position one more time and place your arms extended and in front of your hips.

    This again shifts the center of mass towards the core, making the resistance of the movement less. The goal is the same -- get your shoulder blades off the floor without cheating. Even if you pass this modified test with the arms out straight, you have some work to do to fire up that core. If you find yourself unable to get the shoulder blades off even in this position, you are officially graded as having poor or non-existent rectus abdominis strength.

    You'll need to focus on activating and strengthening this muscle pronto. For those who were able to execute either the hands behind the head or hands across the chest testing movement, you're in the clear