Guide Bible Stories for Buzz Bait Burritos: #10 Dont covet

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Swagger naked across the landing to the bathroom. If you catch sight of wife along the way, shake willy at her doing the 'woo-woo' sound.

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Appraise your exceptional, manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch bum. Wash your face and neck. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water-jets flush the contents off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding areas.

Wash your bum, leaving numerous coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a trendy Shampoo Mohawk. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partly dry yourself off. Fail to notice excess water on floor caused by curtain hanging outside bath the whole time. Admire willy size in mirror and scratch bum again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat lying on floor, and light and fan still on. Exit, dripping, and swagger back to bedroom with towel wrapped around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and do the 'woo-woo' sound again. Carelessly throw wet towel onto bed.

Is this coffee or tea? It tastes like turpentine! Our coffee tastes like paint-stripper.

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More victim than mere loco beast; I hail the bull. I loathe the man. Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than employees and which has the following statistics? So, which of our organizations is this, exactly?

It is the members of our House of Commons - that same group, remember, who crank out hundreds of new laws each year to keep the rest of us commoners in line! Try this to test your degree of savvy! But you need four correct answers to pass the test, so Feel bad? Never mind. Send it to five best friends to make them feel bad and you feel fine!

There was a great outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave. The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a "silent" debate. On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other. The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

The rabbi looked back and raised one finger. Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. The rabbi pulled out an apple. With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that his adversary was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy.

Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin.

If you just change the words to The Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread Phenomenal, eh? The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and that may not be changed.

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The matter is not negotiable". However, The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and must not be changed". Just between us - I bet it's a temptation!

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Admit it, that is a good bid! It's the highest we can go.

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Oh, I heed not the heathen money. Keep it! The Faith shall withstand the highest temptation. To prove it, we will donate a phenomenal five billion dollars if you will change the words to the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread I'll await the papal decision. The next day the Pope met with the College of Cardinals.

The bad news," replied the Pope, "is that we are losing The Wonderbread Account". Care deeply. Love generously. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God. Care for nothing. Love ruthlessly. Speak lyingly.

Leave speedily! Tell him you're going out tonight," said Derek. He didn't return until the following day. The barber had four customers waiting. Where did he go? Thank you. I stopped and asked what was the matter. She said, "I have a 25 year-old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, toast, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.


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Now, why are you crying? I said, "Then, just why are you crying? Over the years they had shared all kinds of adventures, reminiscences and hardships. But recently, their activities had diminished to meeting up once a week to play cards. One day, they were commencing a game of whist when one woman looked at the other and said sheepishly, "Now look, don't get mad at me I've thought and I've thought, and it's useless - I just cannot remember. I know I am a dummy, but please tell me what your name is. For a full 2 minutes she stared and glared.

Finally she said, "How soon do you have to know? Every day, he would pass a hooker standing on the same street corner. He learned to brace himself as he approached her, fearing various saucy remarks that were almost certain to follow. Five pounds! This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily event.