e-book Whats A Parent To Do?: The Handbook for Parents of Young Athletes

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He was also a sports parent and his cartoons will have you both laughing and nodding in Bring Your "A" Game: A Young Athlete's Guide to Mental Toughness and substance that parents must address in deciding what is best for their kids.
Table of contents

Model flexibility of your own opinions. Be willing to be wrong and move off your position. Listen to the other side of the situation and let go of the need to be right or in control. Accept that your child may not excel in that or any sport. Blaming others teaches non-accountability to kids. They do not learn to look at what they could have done differently, or learn from their mistakes if they learn to blame others. Children who are pushed beyond their capabilities may lose their self-confidence, become resistant and resentful toward their parent, become unsure of themselves and their abilities, and may stop trying.

Perfectionism is a very hard expectation to live up to. Your child is NOT responsible for your ego or your reputation in the community. Find a CMPC. Career Center. Join AASP today. Contact the Certification Council. Provide encouragement, support, empathy, transportation, money, help with fund-raisers, etc.

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Most parents that get into trouble with their children do so because they forget to remember the important position that they play. Coaching interferes with your role as supporter and fan. The last thing your child needs and wants to hear from you after a disappointing performance or loss is what they did technically or strategically wrong.

Keep your role as a parent on the team separate from that as coach, and, if by necessity you actually get stuck in the almost no-win position of having to coach your child, try to maintain this separation of roles i. Don't parent when you coach and don't coach at home when you're supposed to be parenting. Fun must be present for peak performance to happen at every level of sports from youth to world class competitor! When a child stops having fun and begins to dread practice or competition, it's time for you as a parent to become concerned!

When the sport or game becomes too serious, athletes have a tendency to burn out and become susceptible to repetitive performance problems. An easy rule of thumb: If your child is not enjoying what they are doing, nor loving the heck out of it, investigate! What is going on that's preventing them from having fun? Is it the coaching? The pressure?

Is it you?! Keep in mind that being in a highly competitive program does not mean that there is no room for fun. The child that continues to play long after the fun is going will soon become a drop out statistic. Number FIVE leads us to a very important question! Why is your child participating in the sport?

Parents/Coaches Guides - 13 Steps to Being a Winning Parent

When they have problems in their sport, do you talk about them as "OUR" problems, i. Are they playing because they don't want to disappoint you, because they know how important the sport is to YOU? Are they playing for rewards and "bonuses" that YOU give out?

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How invested are YOU in their success and failure? If they are competing to please you or for your vicarious glory, then they are in it for the wrong reasons!

Further, if they stay involved for you, ultimately everyone will lose. It is quite normal and healthy to want your child to excel and be as successful as possible.

But, you cannot make this happen by pressuring them with your expectations or by using guilt or bribery to keep them involved. If they have their own reasons and own goals for participating, they will be far more motivated to excel and therefore far more successful. The most tragic and damaging mistake I see parents continually make is punishing a child for a bad performance by withdrawing emotionally from them.

A child loses a race, strikes out or misses and easy shot on goal and the parent responds with disgust, anger and withdrawal of love and approval. When Olympic diver, Greg Louganis needed and got a perfect 10 on his last dive to overtake the Chinese diver for the gold medal, his last thought before he went was, "If I don't make it, my mother will still love me". One thing we all want as children and never stop wanting is to be loved and accepted, and to have our parents feel good about what we do.

This is how self-esteem gets established. When your interactions with your child make them feel good about themselves, they will, in turn, learn to treat themselves this very same way. This does not mean that you have to incongruently compliment your child for a great effort after they have just performed miserably. Self esteem makes the world go round.

Make your child feel good about themselves and you've given them a gift that lasts a lifetime.

Top 5 Books for Parents of Young Athletes

Do not interact with your child in a way that assaults their self-esteem by degrading, embarrassing or humiliating them. If you continually put your child down or minimize their accomplishments not only will they learn to do this to themselves throughout their life, but they will also repeat your mistake with their children! The most successful people in and out of sports do two things differently than everyone else.

First, they are more willing to take risks and therefore fail more frequently. Second, they use their failures in a positive way as a source of motivation and feedback to improve. Our society is generally negative and teaches us that failure is bad, a cause for humiliation and embarrassment, and something to be avoided at all costs. Fear of failure or humiliation causes one to be tentative and non-active. In fact, most performance blocks and poor performances are a direct result of the athlete being preoccupied with failing or messing up.

Each time that you fall, your body gets valuable information on how to do it better. You can't be successful or have peak performances if you are concerned with losing or failing. Teach your child how to view setbacks, mistakes and risk-taking positively and you'll have given them the key to a lifetime of success.

Do’s and Don’ts for Parents of Young Athletes | Association for Applied Sport Psychology

Failure is the perfect stepping stone to success. Using fear as a motivator is probably one of the worst dynamics you could set up with your child.


  • Top 5 Books for Parents of Young Athletes | ACTIVEkids;
  • The Suns Dark-Sides.
  • Born To Write?
  • .
  • The DON’Ts;
  • Do’s and Don’ts for Parents of Young Athletes.
  • Small Murders (Saratoga Classics Book 2).

Threats take the fun out of performance and directly lead to your child performing terribly. Implicit in a threat, do this or else! Communicating this lack of belief, even indirectly is further devastating to the child's performance. A challenge does not entail loss or negative consequences should the athlete fail. Further, implicit in a challenge is the empowering belief, "I think that you can do it".

In any peak performance, the athlete is totally oblivious to the outcome and instead is completely absorbed in the here and now of the actual performance. An outcome focus will almost always distract and tighten up the athlete insuring a bad performance. Furthermore focusing on the outcome, which is completely out of the athlete's control will raise their anxiety to a performance inhibiting level.

So if you truly want your child to win, help get their focus away from how important the contest is and have them focus on the task at hand. Supportive parents de-emphasize winning and instead stress learning the skills and playing the game. Supportive parents do not use other athletes that their child competes against to compare and thus evaluate their child's progress. Comparisons are useless, inaccurate and destructive.

Each child matures differently and the process of comparison ignores significant distorting effects of developmental differences.