Women, Get Answers About Your Money: Because There Are No Dumb Questions About Personal Finance

Find answers to all of your personal finance questions, from the simple (What's a Women, Get Answers about Your Money: Because There Are No Dumb.
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Business Personal Finance Religion. Also by Carolyn Castleberry. See all books by Carolyn Castleberry. Inspired by Your Browsing History. The Hacking of the American Mind. Tahl Raz and Beth Comstock. Building a Successful Social Venture. James Koch and Eric Carlson. Making and Marketing a Successful Creative Business. Quiet Girls Can Run the World. The Power of Zero, Revised and Updated. Gow and Stuart Kells. Can You Learn to Be Lucky? Schein and Peter A. What Color Is Your Parachute?

An Audience of One. Robin Dellabough and Srinivas Rao. The World in a Grain. John David Mann and Brandon Webb. The Robot in the Next Cubicle.


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  • Because There Are No Dumb Questions About Personal Finance.

If some rude person made mean-spirited, insulting comments to me by asking me intrusive, inappropriate questions in public such as, "So, how many people did you sleep with before you married this guy? I despise passive-aggressive, covert harassment, which is what I think asking rude, inappropriately personal questions in public actually is: I completely agree with your comment people can be very tactless and insensitive. Probing nosey people do not endear themselves to me at all.

I have now distanced myself from these type of people. Why do they want to know anyway I don't think it is just making conversation in some instances they need to get a life and get on with their own business and leave others alone. So right Megan Harris those type of people are a pain I don't think it is just making conversation either at times they are just nosey they have nothing else to do but pry into others lives very sad indeed.

How is that a shot at someone? Work out your own ableist prejudices before you start crapping on other people. No, actually no one OWES anyone an explanation for anything, so it's your comment that is rude. There would be better ways to get an answer to that information if you want to know, like genuinely get to know that person first before you ask a persinal question, showing that you CARE and are not just nebbing.

The idea that people on the autism spectrum are incapable of empathy is a myth that had been disproven many times over, even in this magazine, yet here you are perpetuating it. That's really offensive since people on the spectrum are often the recipients of inappropriate questions. I've received inappropriate questions from neurotypical people as well as people with ASD but I get more of them from the NTs, why? Yet somehow this means they lack empathy? That's offensive and shows you have limited understanding of people with ASD.

Please stop repeating this myth which has been used to justify the mistreatment of children and adults with ASD. I did not mean to imply anything along those lines, but I can see how what I wrote could be interpreted that way. I will try to correct what I've written so that it doesn't communicate this idea.

God help us, the autism gestapo is here; so everybody keep quiet and never mention that autistic people ever do anything wrong, or the autism gestapo will scream "Autism hater! Anyone can be thoughtless, or slightly drunk, or think they're being funny or cute when they're just being rude and insensitive. It happens because nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes now and then, both neurotypicals and neuro-atypicals. Some people with autism or aspergers DO have "affective empathy", however; that is a term meaning that they do care about the feelings of others, even though they have a hard time reading or understanding what those feelings are.

Some autistic people do have trouble reading and correctly interpreting social cues, I'll agree with you there. However, I do know an autistic person that is using the "I'm autistic" excuse to do and say some really horrible things. He's been using his autism for years, to avoid work meetings, to manipulate and mislead the women he dates, to get people to do stuff for him for free where there is no chance of reciprocation.

So when someone starts complaining that autists should be given a pass, I really wonder about their motivations. Not all of us are fooled. Just like with everyone else, there are nice, honest and above board people on the autism spectrum, people who are a little of everything on the autism spectrum and people who are absolute jerks on the autism spectrum. My father-in-law, who was probably high functioning autistic, could be an absolute menace!

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I knwo others who are sweet people. But you can get a lot of questions asked that would get asked by others because there are aspects of the world that just aren't so obvious to people who are on the spectrum as they are to others. Just as any of Us living in a foreign culture might ask some real zingers!

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I think we have all forgotten that it depends on the relationship to the person, your age, culture and the particular setting. The article mostly frames the "awkward" as a "negative". Given the great deal of times this stuff happens, it seems most people want to reach out, care and connect, even if it means a weird moment. We should take a more positive outlook, realize our reactions are our feelings, not others intent and be glad others cared enough to even try.

Different people have different ideas about what's private -even in the same family, never mind about different families and different cultures. Lots of co-workers ask me how much my apartment cost and I'm not in the least offended. They also ask me about my weight and whether or not I have children or am married, and I have never thought to be offended.

I don't ask other people those things because I haven't got any need to but I think they're just making conversation. There's no need to get all uppity about it. OK, I agree that each of us will have a different definitions of what comprises a shockingly rude and inappropriate personal question.

I agree with this! Everybody has something that makes them feel uncomfortable. It irritates me too when people say "oh, la ti da", that wouldn't bother me. So how would they react to something that DOES bother them? You hit the nail on the head with that comment.

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I see those types for exactly what they are. I was away recently with my husband's relation and his wife on holiday. We got onto relationships and marriage. She said how long have you been married 43 years I replied we met when I was 21 years old and married when I was 23 years old I went on to tell her. Then came the loaded question didn't you want children WE HAVEN'T ANY I then told her I had a miscarriage years before at 5 months and I could not go through that again as I had had bad depression and I think I also had a nervous breakdown and anyway we aren't really children people we are happy as we are.

She had asked me this question sometime ago and I had told her then. I moved onto another line of conversation as I didn't think it was really any of her business. Getting uppity as someone has mentioned does depend on the way the question is addressed I think. I personally don't ask people questions which relates to certain topics that is their business and no-one else's in my book. I quite agree Megan. Someone asked me the same question recently no i said we haven't any.

No children she said in a surprised way oh you are blessed. I don't know what she mean't by that but i found myself getting annoyed and moved on to another topic of conversation. Why do some people have to pry into others personal life it not their business anyway i don't think. I quite agree with Megan's comment myself. I have had the same situation about certain topics especially the marriage and kids issue. I had a friend who kept asking me when are you going to marry I said we aren't going to bother we don't believe in marriage then the question are you going to have children if you can no I replied we don't want any even if we could have them.

Wouldn't you feel empty and lonely without them she went on to say. But this time my anger level was rising up and up. I shouted lets change the subject I am not going to answer your nosey questions anymore. Megan is right it is not their business so they should butt out I think. People who ask these kind of questions deserve one of the following responses with a slight smile:.

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The examples of questions that might be considered inappropriate are from the 's. So what if someone asks the cost of your house, your earnings, your weight, age, shoe-size? What matters is the motive and way in which a question is asked. But if you have nothing to hide then brazenly tell them the answer and they are then the one's on the backfoot. It's not a big deal and in the few instances where it might be, you can simply say 'none of your business' and leave it at that.

I sort of thought that way too. I'm not a secretive person and I don't see why I should have to be embarrassed over some things, and I thought that answering people's awkward questions was better than leaving them to speculate behind my back. It doesn't work like that in reality. The type of person who would ask rude and intrusive questions, particularly in front of others, usually does it hoping that you'll be embarrassed.

Even if you know logically you shouldn't be embarrassed, you often are anyway, because you know other people would be. And because you see the awkwardness in the eyes of the onlookers when someone asks you a rude question. Besides, the questions escalate if you answer them nonchalantly. In my experience, the person doesn't stop asking once they know something that's none of their business - they just keep asking more and more prying questions.

If questions about your weight and your earnings are "entirely harmless," then what is a harmful question? Those are two of the most taboo questions there are, because of the hurt the embarrassment they cause people when you ask them. And you can't expect others not to be embarrassed just because you're not embarrassed. If you answer nonchalantly you are right. So don't answer them nonchalantly. Answer them honesty, with emotion and in as much detail as possible.

Answer to the point that the other person is overwhelmed with how much info you gave them. I've done this before with "nosy" people and it works. Whether they are being passive aggressive or genuine I don't know but either way they usually are happy with that, and change topics afterwards. Go all in next time. Harmful questions would be ones that would get you in prison, or get you fired maybe , get you in a fight, or put you in some kind of serious trouble. Being embarrassed or uncomfortable isn't harmful.

They're just some sensations in your body, that you're probably not used to. I don't expect others not to be embarrassed, but embarrassment isn't a huge problem, ts merely an emotion. If you sit with embarrassment while answering these kinds of questions it passes and you become a more powerful question. I borrow money off my dad and have a lot of debt to him and am also learning programming and building skills with the intention to join the IT industry and pay my dad back.

Now for me t say that in person to someone new would probably be embarrassing or a little scary but I've done this many times before and the sensations become less and less and I become more comfortable and accepting of myself. When I've been faced with embarrassing questions or statements and it hasn't been often in my life , I've responded simply "that topic isn't open for discussion". For the few I've had to say that too, they were too surprised by the comment to reply and just let it drop.

Worked for me and I'll continue doing what works. When my family inevitably start asking questions about my plans for parenting and childhood Firstly, it does irk me because I consider those matters private and that it is insensitive to ask questions in such a bald manner.

Secondly, because it is family, it becomes a boundary issue and about maintaining my status as a real and separate person, that relatives do not necessarily have 'the right' to that information. Thirdly as they are all married with children and I am not, I think there is genuine curiosity mixed with the belief that everyone wants what they have. My now prepared answer is 'its not something i wish for'. Or to disarm them with frank honesty; 'do you know, that question makes me slightly uncomfortable' Families!!!

So much patience, acceptance and forgiveness required on all sides!! This article was a great read, and I wish I came across this after graduating college to help battle my way through the long road of 20 questions.

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I have seen very competitive people do it to each other in the gym, I see drunk people get bored and bully family and friends, and even experienced it myself when I run into people I know, loath, or have just met. I feel some people do it to probe you and see why you are what you are.

What do you do besides this? What did you actually go to school for? Sometimes its to get under my skin, and most of the time people are just bored and need something to start a convo. Some of this is harmless and some is superficial and narcissistic. If you determine the person is toxic or the questions are "out of bounds" I do what my good friend Ron Swanson does at a town meeting.. Answer every question with a better question. Why don't you have a girlfriend?

Do you know any girls that I could date? What do you do for work?

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The best I can 2. I am the batman. It usually exposes the person to show their true motive or it lands you a date! I agree with commenters above who said that prying questions often reflect passive-aggression and a desire by the other person to dominate and feel superior -- to size you up, as it were. This is someone who is lazy, but who feels intellectually superior, who has obtained high level degrees Mine are on the same level but takes pride in her laziness.

With all of her qualifications, she has achieved little in life, beyond managing to nitpick and point out what she thinks to be the failings of others to feel superior. Very quickly after I moved in, I bought a great, reliable car. She drives a clunker. I saved my money, shopped around, bought one for great value.

That started intrusive questions about my car so she could feel superior about her purpose and exhaust her resentment over how I managed to do so quickly. I then got a great job while she earns close to minimum wage. She asked me what I was doing -- trying to be subtle about it -- in emails and in conversation, but I always deflected. I learned ot ignore and avoid her as much as possible as every exchange amounted to her pathetic attempts to feel superior, to snipe to find faults, and veiled sarcasm to tear me down.

So, one night, she cornered me -- and demanded to know all about the new job. I deflected again -- leading to more and more prying questions. Since I live with her, I couldn't say shut up already and mind your own damn business. I had come home stressed from work was tired and she kept pressing and pressing and pressing until I got angry -- at which point she seemed satisfied, mission accomplished in making me feel like shit and herself superior. I didn't divulge the information -- but people who care, are sensitive to your needs and recognize boundaries. She pressed and asked and has done many times since she is hyper competitive with me and always looking for ways to feel and be superior despite her inferiority.

She consider herself brilliant despite not managing to obtain jobs above minimum wage. She does not feel a need to work hard since hard work is for suckers. She likes coasting through life and judging others. I like some of the responses offered above and will try them. What bothers me is how much she got under my skin with her aggressive bullying, which I experienced as anger, bullying, and an attempt at domination -- ie, tell me what YOU do so I can compare, demonstrate my superiority, feel better about myself, and pick you apart.

The other passive aggressive things she has done around the house are right in line with this personality. She is nosey and a gossip. Once when I gasped upon walking down the hallway, she flung open her door and threw her body half way out of the room to observe. I had seen a spider run across the wall. She got to see me shaken, embarrassed and delighted in the observation.

She has also told me about her delight in making others squirm, of her passive-aggressive digs at people. She is basically a bitch with a happy, smiley face who feigns good intentions but is really all about herself. My strategy is going to be to deflect, avoid, and position myself to leave the house as soon as possible. I do know that the offender can barely make rent -- instead of focusing on her own life and improving her situation, she coasts, looking for ways to tear others down and compete to make herself feel better.

I hate people like this. As could be expected, she has no friends. You handle the situation like a pro. Your roommate is a born loser with enough baggage to smother a elephant. Attempt to let her down easy these types stalk and completely remove her from your life. She has no friends and I assure you she never will. She is not looking for friends, she is looking for doormats.

I had this girl who kept asking me questions knowing I am older and she is younger and got the job through daddy. Every night she would brag about her dates and ask me boldly about my non existing love life. I finally had enough of her but I came real close to saying 2 hen her question was why are you single to saying why are you a slut. I hate brown nosey people. Just writing an attention grabbing subject line: I think for me I do my best to answer all questions as honesty as possible unless it would put me in prison.

If someone asks me a questions about my weight, or money etc. I'll try to answer it. Even if something makes me uncomfortable that doesn't mean I need to avoid answering the question. Also I think by answering all these "nose" questions what happens is I become more powerful. Nothing can really phase me. I can not worry about how to avoid certain people or how to deflect etc.

I just answer the question in as much detail as possible, what are they gonna do? I think by avoiding answering questions you give away your power to other people and make yourself suffer in the long run. If I really don't want to answer a question at a certain time, then I'll say "I don't want to talk about that" and if they push I'll show my honest expression of anger. I thought one attention-grabbing headline deserved another! A problem with answering these questions is that they can be used against you With no information, they have nothing.

Maybe they want to steal your ID -- unrealistic, but still you never known the other person's intentions.