How to Get Your Husband to Talk to You

Feel like you're not emotionally connected in your marriage? Here are 5 tips to get your husband to talk ways to encourage real sharing.
Table of contents

You asking him to take care of a chore the same bothersome way for the 10th time tonight will not finally work. Nagging does not work because men have learned to tune it out, and often feel like you are treating them like a child when you nag. You would nag and use a guilt trip with someone you have power over, not a partner. Men want to feel powerful and appreciated, that just does not happen with nagging. This prevents blaming on your part and defensiveness on his part. Ensure that you listen to him in turn. Your husband may not listen to you because when he speaks he does not feel heard.

Observe your own listening behaviors to see if you could improve in this area. Instead of listening to figure out your response or defense, really listen to what he is actually saying and acknowledge it. Understanding what he is saying is very different than agreeing, you may not always agree with him but you can always hear him.

It also serves to validate his feelings. I am not stupid. See a marriage counselor. Unfortunately, you can make a wide range of changes to your communication and still experience problems with your spouse not listening. Sometimes, your husband not listening can point to a deeper issue.


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The two of you should contact a marriage counselor in your area who can help you work through more serious barriers to communication. For example, if your partner has an undiagnosed case of ADHD, you may often feel like he's not listening. Any of these issues can be recognized and managed with professional help. Learn his love language. Men and women simply communicate very differently, but that does not mean one is better than the other. Women tend to be more flexible in their communication styles so they are able to adapt to how the men need to be communicated with.

Women want to be appreciated in a relationship while men want to be respected. Women can be more flexible when it comes to adapting because men are wired to be leaders not caregivers in a traditional sense. Knowing that a man is seeking respect and working to talk to him in a respectful manner goes a long way. See if he prefers to talk over shared activities. Choosing an activity where you can be active together like taking a walk or playing golf gets his kinetic energy flowing and may open him up to talk. If he is already feeling that you will not listen to him, an intense conversation is not going to be his first choice in communicating.

Find out how he feels most respected. Showing him adequate respect in the way that is fulfilling to him could be the ticket to having him listen more. Showing him you respect him may include taking the special effort to give him space when he first gets home because he needs time to unwind. You can discuss issues and suggest marriage counseling, but ultimately, your husband has to want to change.

Not Helpful 1 Helpful 9. How can I get my husband to listen if he is very talkative and doesn't listen well? Not Helpful 1 Helpful 8. My husband stays out until 3 am and sometimes he doesn't come home at all. I don't think this is the character of a married man, but when I try to talk to him, he doesn't want to hear it. What do I do? If he still won't listen, tell him you're considering divorce. Not Helpful 8 Helpful Don't, unless you want to divorce your husband. Otherwise, you are just pointlessly hurting him.

If you do want to get divorced, sit down with him calmly, tell him there's something you need to talk to him about, and be honest. Not Helpful 1 Helpful 6. Talking to him may be like talking to a wall. This is tough situation because there is usually no resolution to your problems with him because he is unwilling to try to fix things. You can either try couples counseling or decide if this marriage is worth saving. Not Helpful 1 Helpful 5. Make it perfectly clear that name-calling is verbal abuse and that you do not deserve it. If he doesn't understand, it may be time to cut your losses and move on.

Not Helpful 5 Helpful Communication is one of the foundations of marriage. Try to suggest marriage counseling. If he refuses, try speaking to him directly. If he still refuses to listen, find a divorce lawyer and tell him you will divorce him. If he suddenly changes his mind and listens to everything you say, this may be an act and will not last. My husband just walks away mid-conversation. I feel he doesn't respect me or my feelings. If he has his mind made up, there is no changing it. I feel like a second-class citizen. What can I do? Your husband is disrespectful and is unwilling to change his mind.

He is stubborn and talking to him is like talking to a wall. This is tough situation. There may be no fixing it, especially if he's too closed-minded to consider other opinions, ideas, and resolutions. You could try couples counseling. Not Helpful 4 Helpful 8. How can I stop my husband from bringing up events from the past? It's a tricky question, because the very nature of the question makes it sound like you can manipulate your husband into talking.

Well, that's not the right way to go about it. You can't simply make someone talk if he doesn't want to. In fact, if you try, you're more likely to drive him away than you are to find success. But that doesn't mean you're stuck doing nothing. There are, in fact, many things you can do to encourage him to talk. Let's look at three of them. In other words, do your prayers sound something like this, "Lord, please make my husband talk to me. The next time you pray for your husband, try this instead: Pray for his relationship with God.

If he's not talking to you, then he's not leading you and your family. He's not fulfilling his duty as the spiritual leader of the home. So his relationship with God isn't where it needs to be. You can't force your husband to have a right relationship with God, but you can pray for him. So pray and trust God. Once he gets his relationship with God in order, you'll be amazed at the difference in his willingness to talk. It probably won't come all at once, though, so be patient. The curse against the woman was that she would desire her husband.

Another way to think of this is that the woman would desire to control her husband.

How Do You Motivate Your Husband to Talk?

A major reason a man refuses to talk to his wife is because it's his way of maintaining control of an area of his life. The minute he opens his mouth about it, a controlling wife will instantly take control of it. So he remains quiet. Many wives don't realize they're controlling. The best way to discover what your husband thinks is to ask him if you're controlling. But be prepared for an answer you may not like. And don't get defensive. Listen closely to what he says. You might learn something about why he doesn't talk to you. If a controlling wife wants her husband to talk, she has to give up control.

She can start by repenting and asking God and her husband for forgiveness. Then she needs to take the focus off of what he's not doing and turn her attention to what he is doing. Encourage him, praise him, and find ways to build him up. Why does he talk to them? What does he get from them? By studying your husband's conversation habits, you might discover some things you're not offering him in your discussions with him. Also consider what really turns him on. What are his interests? Try to learn more about those interests and talk to him about them. Remember, the goal here is to start a habit of conversation.

So even if it doesn't go very deep, at least you're getting him to talk. Finally, study his strengths and weaknesses. How can you encourage the areas where he's strong? And how can you help out where he's weak? Service will go a long way toward starting conversation. Every man is different. And the reasons they don't talk are just as varied. But these three principles will help you focus on the real priorities. Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. My husband is not ready to talk with me am in my mom home because it's ashada just one month before only I got married but am not happy even he also till now he didn't talk more than 3 minutes I love him so much what can I do now.

He want to be a famous dj, however I am not happy with that. Its been almost two months that we are not talking and now I do not know what to do. You come to my house and try to get my husband to say some thing. Married 46 years and doesn't talk, have sex, eat, sleep with me. He lives in the basement or out in his garage, goes no where, hasn't any friends and he physically looks terrible. Long straggly hair and beard that looks like it hasn't seen a comb in 20 years and wears old baggy coveralls with holes.

So drop by and see if he'll open his mouth for you. Is this the behavior of a man of God? My ex-husband was like this and as much as I wanted to stay married, it didn't work. Men, if you don't want to talk, don't get married. You have to have communication to have a relationship with someone. Develop the emotional maturity to make things work instead of going to your cave to hide.

I am tired of women being told to pray or get a new hobby, etc. I have hobbies, I have my own life, my husband also had his. I felt like I was raising a teenager. It's not tru tht every woman wants to control on their husbands bcoz of tht reason husband dont like to talk them. In this article ur third advice is tht we should know abt husbands interests and who they like to talk So In this case I'm unlucky too bcoz my husband like to talk wid his colleagues abt his job related things n money making things bcoz I don't know much about his job related things so what should I discuss wid him even I tried to talk abt His job related issues he stops me to this note tht I know nothing about his job issues.

And second thing his interest in money making so currently I'm jobless although I graduated in Indian medicin but I can't do any job bcoz of my 3 year old child.!! I'm not saying against this article nor complaining abt my husband but want to give some advice tht after marriage if someone changed its not his or her fault Not his mistake he chose u.. It's urs bcoz it's ur inability to understand fake or real people. It's bitter truth tht people who truly care abt u never change even if they r ur family member or partner.

Do not use sarcasm or other forms of verbal attack in conversing. Doing so converts open communication to guarded communication, and destroys trust. Sorry, you lost me at pray. While I think praying is therapeutic, it is not a problem solver. Give me something useful to work with. Praying doesn't make cancer go away, and it sure as hell doesn't make your closed off husband talk to you.

Come on gals, seriously. I refuse to put myself in the same category as you overly feminine, hormonal gals. If you want your husband to speak up more, maybe you should be on your knees for another reason other than praying. We have been married for 45 years, and we haven't sat down and really talked in all those years. In fact we haven't done anything together in 45 years. Our marriage is just on a piece of paper nothing more. Weve only had sex once, haven't went on a vacation, I have personally with friends and that's it.

Weve had no honeymoon he refused to go and told me to go myself. He even suggested that I find a guy to be with for the week.

How to Get Your Spouse to Talk to You: 7 Tips for Engagement | Engaged Marriage

No kids, after we were married he said he hated children and compared them to taking care of a dog. He moved to the basement where he lives like a hermit no TV, computer or phone and totally has nothing to do with the outside world. I don't beleive hes a cruel or mean person just won't connect with people. I have been confused, lonely, and can't understand the whole situation. I've relyed on my doctors they said just be yourself and enjoy my friends. No one should have to change who they are, the person they were originally when their husband fell in love with them, just because their husband is refusing to communicate.

Go watch who he talks to and study them? At one time, the guy was studying you, and now he's not. Being an asshole is inexcusable. To the lady who said her husband won't take care of her if she moves out. He is lying to her. He has to take care of you. Any lawyer will tell you that. He's using that line to control you, and have his nasty way. I really don't care if my wife is sleeping with another guy or girl. I just don't want to know about it. So what ever she wants she can do.

Pray for him and yourself and move on he is poison. Don't worry, life will go on for the better without him. And when a man gives you this garbage about "staying out of his business" it is because he doesn't understand marriage.

How does a marriage reach this point?

Dont belive the hype, what he does and how he trespasses on your marriage IS your business. Imagine all the husbands who caught their wifes asking men on the internet to jerk off for them and then telling their husbands to mind their own business. I am praying the best for you, and all of us. My husband is being very insensite to my feelings. He's always watching porn and hiding it in my home. He also sits in the bedroom and looks on websites to meet women. His attitude when I see him on these websites, is for me to get out of the room and leave.

He says he wants to separate and he'll take care of me for a while if i move out. Until then, he makes me feel like i'm not worth anything, by watching all the degrating material, while i'm sitting in the same room. He's been acting this way towards me for 2 years, ever since i found him with bags of swinger tapes, videos, and magazines. I really love him but i think he wants to do whatever he wants no matter how much it hurts me.

I don't know what to do any more. I'm sorry worried all the time and very lonely. He never answers the cell phone when I call him. I never know where he is or what he's doing. He tells me that i'm nosey and I need to stay out of his business. What should I do? Why is it always the man's fault? I try to talk to my wife and I always get interrupted or ignored. I can't talk to her cause I have a 7yr old always there. Decided to send an email cause I don't facebook. I get a return of how she feels ignored and unappreciated. I have tried for communications and to have adult nights but its always my fault.

It does matter what it is the finger is always pointed back at me. Some men try but can't get anywhere. How how do get along that long without communication I'm planning for separation I cannot live with this man not talking to me. It's been three years and I'm son drained and broken. I can't imagine I will stay in prayer and strengthen my relationship with god. The articl is helpful in the demise of my marriage because it seems like other literature I have read that wives are to be more responsible for the marriage.

I resent the suggestion of talking to your husband about his interests lol my husband is into transformers I buy him toys which he likes smh go to the movies playnthe games In an attempt for him to one day,open up to me and have a desire to learn of what I like Idk, maybe I want communication ins not happening and my sting of patients is not that long. Simply put thanks for the comments Especially the men lol Hope you and your hand have fun tonight.

I have been married almost 40 yrs. He gets angry and refuses to talk. At first it was 1 day, then a week, a month, and as time went on a year. We almost divorced some 20 or so years ago about this problem. I am beyond ready to move on.

How To Communicate With A Partner Who Won't Talk- 4 Easy Steps-

I don't want to spend this rest of my life with someone who doesn't want to talk to me. Life is too short. Talk to me what a joke! We haven't a real conversation in years. He just doesn't want anything to do with me or any one else. I just go shopping and tell him when he's through "meditating" I'll come home. Sorry to say but that's a bit mean like i tryed theys thing it worked im very happy and we go to our on bed and i get to hug h?

I try not to communicate with my wife to often. I choose to being silent with her. I stopped having sex and intimacy with her 30 years ago. Probably the best thing I've ever done. I keeps her quiet and off my back. No one is responsible solely for the happiness of another.

In marital relationship a husband and wife may contribute to it, but it is my responsibility to make me happy. When husbands refuse to talk to their wives it's a choice they make. Because if he refuse to talk verbally or otherwise, he is saying it's not worth it or he is tired.


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When you truly love one another and want the marriage to work. You also have to be willing to to and find what ever necessary to find a solution.

Affair Recovery Specialists

It's too big of a job for one person. You didn't get married by yourself. This article was clearly written by an arrogant man, making sweeping assumptions about women. Not all women "desire" men or "desire control". And no, prayer is not a practical answer to anything. Also, why should teh woman do all the work, coaxing the man to talk? Life's too short to waste on one self-centred mule. I'm still having trouble I change my heir coluor and got a hair cut but my hubby is till not talking to my he is sswering and leting my cry all night he doesn't wont to talk I dont now what to do.

This is the worst article ever. It must have been written by a man. My husband is being an ass and won't talk to me. I will not listen to anything in this article. I consider myself a Christian, but this article is rather sad. The majority of the literature I've studied basically indicates to just let husbands do as they please unless they are abusive or unfaithful An underlying theme seems to be that men respond to distance not words.

I don't know if this is a universal truth This article attempts to make a a one size fits all solution to the problem. The author did a poor job in trying to help wives. Thank you Mary I did try to live hem to he's salf but I didn't work I have no kids I won't kids he didn't won't one I don't now what to do. Cik I think your husband is using manipulation. He may not realise it and would probably be devastated if he did.

Try being kind not only in a sexual way but by doing small acts of kindenss like getting him a cup of tea. Remember that you are worthwhile and that his reactions are just his reactions and when you relax more and not question him too much he will probably feel safe to communicate. Don't base your self worth on your husbands reactions. I need help my hubby is not talking to me he is sleeping on the floor when he wants sex he comes and when he doesn't want to he doesn't talk can u plz help me.

I agree with Terri. She makes many good points. This article is horrid. I believe in God, I've read the Bible, and I've taken years of religion classes. I was never told that I would have to shut my mouth, let my husband take control, and therefore turn off my brain. Why did I even take those religion classes if I wasn't expected to ever use that knowledge and just let a man lead me? While I do believe in the power of prayer, you cannot depend on prayer alone. I was taught that God helps those who help themselves.

Action is also needed. Also, it makes no sense to me to "give up control" when I'm not trying to control, but I'm trying to create a partnership where we both give, take, and cooperate to make a better life for us.