Gothic Charm School: An Essential Guide for Goths and Those Who Love Them

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I will admit I think Venters was trying to pad the book out a bit, which I think is fair enough. But there are some goths who do think they are a bit above it all and haughtier-than-though and could do with some tips on how to be nicer. And no, I don't think Venters really sees herself as above everyone. I believe it's just a persona, folks. Jul 09, Brandy Y rated it it was amazing Shelves: Jillian is a friend of a friend, and while I've never met her, I do remember her from back in my newsgroup days, back on alt.

I always thought she was delightful and charming then, and this book proves that ten years hasn't changed anything! Jillian's book is well-written, full of great advice, and great for both goths and non-goths. I wish I'd had a copy of it to hand to my parents when I became all morbid! Oct 09, Nicole Pramik rated it it was ok Shelves: Taken from my blog: This obscure but entertaining gem was written by a Goth herself, Jillian Venters, who prefers to go by the title Lady of the Manners. Gothic Charm School explores the background, explains the aspects, and explodes myths of and about the Goth subculture.

I Taken from my blog: So when I stumbled upon this book, I knew immediately I wanted to read it. First, the Lady of the Manners explores the origins of the Goth subculture and what it really means to be Goth. The Lady of the Manners puts a firm foot down on those. At least those who are serious about why they feel that way and not simply concerned with freaking people out. The fact Gothic Charm School is written by a mature adult lends credibility to what she has to say, both in terms of her subculture and her experiences in life.

One thing she stresses is something we can all learn from — be polite! Gothic Charm School is actually an interesting sociological text and, for that reason, I could honestly see this being used as a supplemental text of sorts. The writing is engaging, the insights are informative, and I actually learned a great deal about Goth culture. I love it when I can read something and actually walk away a little bit smarter than before! Language — Seemingly none.

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Sexual Material — The Lady of the Manners makes a brief, passing mention to fetish clubs but never goes into any detail about them. Likewise, there is a chapter about dating and Goths but, again, there is nothing overtly sexual discussed. It would also make a valuable resource for parents who want to learn more about what it means to be Goth. And for people who enjoy reading about society and culture, this is a good pick as well. Overall, I enjoyed it and learned a great deal about both Goths and myself.

Jan 07, Sunil rated it really liked it Shelves: This book is both enjoyable and appropriate for people who aren't even very Goth at all, this non-Goth proclaims! I assume that any Goths reading this post are already interested in the book, being part of the built-in audience, but you may want to read this book if any of the following apply to you: You know a Goth personally: Does that person you hang out with who's always wearing black kind of freak you out?

Jilli's here to tell you that you have nothing to worry about, and she will even tell This book is both enjoyable and appropriate for people who aren't even very Goth at all, this non-Goth proclaims! Jilli's here to tell you that you have nothing to worry about, and she will even tell you ways to politely engage in conversation with this Goth and, having learned a little more about the history of Goth and the Goth subculture, you will have things to talk about!

You're not a Goth, but you see one on TV: Now you can see how subculturally accurate her portrayal is! As above, if you've been exposed to Goths without knowing much about them, the book gives you a very good explanation of why Goths are gothy. The only chapter that really started to lose my interest was the chapter on fashion since it was not Relevant to My Interests, as I have no sense of fashion, but everything else is still interesting to non-Goths.

You're not a Goth, but you're Something Else: As I suspected, a lot of the Lady of the Manners's advice applies to anyone who's "different. You're not a Goth, but you're not sure What You Are: What struck a chord with me while reading the book is how comforting it must be to be Goth. Because it affords you a template upon which to construct your own identity. It gives you an outlet to express yourself.

In delving into what is a Goth and what is not a Goth, falling headlong into this whole different world of aesthetics, you start to wonder what your own system of aesthetics and identity are, even if it's not Goth. What makes you you? The Lady of the Manners's 1 Manner is "Treat everyone as you wish to be treated. It is a good reminder of the general rules of etiquette, and we could all use a refresher. It's also good if you just want to while away a few hours learning something new and laughing all the way.

Jilli writes as if she's addressing you, the reader, giving the book a readable, informal tone that lends itself to witty asides and amusing digressions. I will admit, the third-person affectation can be a bit grating at times I've never read a book where the author referred to herself in the third person the whole time , but you get used to it. Another minor annoyance was the fact that terms like babybat and babygoth and gothling are used throughout and written in spooooky font, but there's no glossary and, although most of the spoooooky words are defined through context clues, I couldn't really figure out the distinctions between the terms since they appeared to be used interchangeably at times.

Knowing exactly what age range each term encompasses, however, isn't really essential to one's enjoyment of the book. Besides, any flaws are balanced out by Pete's lovely illustrations—I particularly liked the depictions of all the different Goth fashion styles Deathrocker, Perkygoth, Rivethead, Cybergoth, etc. Jul 15, Gemma Thomson rated it liked it Shelves: Venters' book is a charming and light-hearted romp through goth culture, resplendent in manners and decorum.

Though written from the perspective of a Victorian goth, it runs the gamut of spin-off cultures and provides a few short essays on what they have in common. The chapters are best read in stages, or else dipped into on an ad hoc basis, for there is a lot of repetition. Some parts of the book also read as generic common sense - only towards the end do we see some quite useful gothy advice, o Venters' book is a charming and light-hearted romp through goth culture, resplendent in manners and decorum.

Some parts of the book also read as generic common sense - only towards the end do we see some quite useful gothy advice, on fashion, music and speculation as to the culture's future. Overall, the book is light-hearted and gently humourous; far from laugh-out-loud funny or breaking new and sensible ground, but perfect if you want that sort of thing like I did.

It also features quite fabulous illustrations by the author's husband, many of which I'd love to have as prints or on t-shirts Apr 09, N. Riviezzo rated it it was ok Shelves: A silly little read I picked up randomly in my local library. The topics address in the book really did not need pages to be explained. As someone of the Gothic persuasion, most of the content qualified as a 'Well, duh! Jillian Venters is a gothic rolemodel for goths of all ages and she writes out this helpful,insightful guide to all who are goth or enjoy goth. Nov 25, Therese rated it liked it.

Cute book - I came across a copy at the local used bookstore, otherwise I probably wouldn't have sought it out, since I'm guessing most of the material is more or less online. But a fun read since I have a lot of friends who run in gothy circles and am a fan of the music and fashion. Aug 19, Devi rated it really liked it. This book was massive shortlasting fun with really interesting facts I didn't know yet and with facts that made me smile a lot.

Jillian Venters has a really entertaining writing style. A perfect book for times when I don't have the moood for reading novels at all. Feb 18, Andrea Delesdernier rated it it was amazing. This book is so much fun. Makes my inner and outer Goth smile. It deals with history, fashion, and etiquette. Jul 25, Alesia rated it really liked it. Although much of this was common sense ettiquete, and preached to the Gothy little choir of my heart, I enjoyed this. Especially the constant referals to her readers as "Snarklings"!

Jun 25, Michael Hanscom rated it really liked it Shelves: Simply put, this should be highly recommended, if not required reading not just for goths, but also for anyone curious about the goth community, whether because they are personally interested or because they have an acquaintance, friend, or loved one spouse, significant other, boy- or girlfriend, relative, child, or secret crush who counts themselves among the spooky set.

Covering everything from the basics "The difference between being a Goth, a NotAGoth, and not being a Goth yourself but being Goth-friendly" to social etiquette both online "The Internet is not Real Life with an aside about the Great Flounce-Off " and off "What to do when people ask why you're dressed like that" to parenting "How to show support to your babygoth or babybat without relinquishing the keys to the hearse, and everything you need to know to Not Freak Out" , Gothic Charm School quickly becomes, in many small and a few not-so-small ways, the very "Goth handbook" that the Lady of the Manners so often reminds us does not exist.

I can't go back in time twenty years and hand this book to my teenaged self more's the pity , but I can quite heartily recommend this to both old and new members of the goth community, as well as those around them who just might not quite get it. Following are a couple of short excerpts, collecting some of the Lady of the Manners own recommendations for further reading: Babybat -friendly books the Lady of the Manners recommends: Apr 01, Rae rated it liked it Shelves: Out of the few books relating to the goth subculture, I found this one to be fairly decent.

This is book is written to help those who aren't goth but interested in learning more about the subculture or help educate them better to show them that there is nothing to be afraid of, as well for those who are goth but need advice on how to deal with the non-goths whole seem to look down on and hold negative views on the goth subculture.

The author seems more upbeat and entertaining, which makes it much Out of the few books relating to the goth subculture, I found this one to be fairly decent. The author seems more upbeat and entertaining, which makes it much more fun to read instead of feel like a chore to get through the whole book. There are many different sections in the book including a section for parents and babybats. There are sections for how to deal with roommates, how to build a basic day to day wardrobe, outfits that is appropriate for job interviews, dealing with dress cods, encourages people learn different skills such as sewing and tailoring clothing.

Gothic Charm School: An Essential Guide for Goths and Those Who Love Them

Goths at one time would buy cheap clothing at thrift shops and alter them a bit , what to look for in quality clothing. Advice on relationships, goth club etiquette. Some of these things should be common sense really. I say it is more a behavior and advice guide than about the history of the subculture so if you are looking for a book that goes a bit deeper into the history of the subculture, you will have to look elsewhere. I heard some of Voltaire's books are pretty good and humorous when it comes to discussing about the subculture; unfortunately they are bit harder to find unless you order them online and a bit pricier as well because of that ; but it is still a handy book overall and it does touch up on the subculture a bit as well.

I would rate it higher if it did go a bit deeper into the subculture or perhaps gave some tutorials for making some altered clothing, jewelry etc All and all, the book was a good read and recommend that everyone should have a copy as some advice is really valuable resource. Oct 17, Regina added it Shelves: So I still need to properly sit down and read this book all the way through, from chapter from chapter but what I've read so far Compared to all of the internet sources I've read, all the fanzines on the subculture sold when it was at its beginning and, most importantly, books like Some Wear Leather, Some Wear Lace: The Worldwide Compendium of Postpunk and Goth in the s that have interviews from the people who were in the original Batcave scene or musicians like Alien S So I still need to properly sit down and read this book all the way through, from chapter from chapter but what I've read so far The Worldwide Compendium of Postpunk and Goth in the s that have interviews from the people who were in the original Batcave scene or musicians like Alien Sex Fiend all cite that the music is the most important thing when being Goth.

And of course it is, I agree, because even the fashion came from the music and some people remember that they never even knew where it came from but wouldn't have just cropped up without the music. If anyone knows the first thing about Goth, you'll know that the song that gave birth to the subculture was Bela Lugosi's Dead by Bauhaus. Not fishnets, or leather. Sure, fashion is still an aspect of the Goth subculture, because that's the way you express yourself visually and that's what the ignorant person sees as only being Goth; unless you have music patches and badges all over your clothes but in the end, a Goth is still a fan of Goth rock, like a Metalhead is a fan of metal music and a Punk is a a fan of Punk rock.

By being part of the Goth subculture, we're not saying that you only have to be into Goth rock, post-punk and deathrock or that you should be a clone of every Goth out there. You can listen to other genres of music, and like things that are non-goth as well. It's just that Goth is a subculture of people who have similar interests in fashion, music and aesthetic.

So when you take out the music, and the aesthetic, you're just someone who's wearing black lacey clothes with no meaning behind them. So from what I've seen: Gothic - Someone who dresses Goth, or likes Gothic things like the architecture or literature. Dark romantic or at least darkly inclined - Someone who has a dark mindset.

Likes things like graveyards; candles on a cold rainy night; abandoned derelict buildings and so on. It's fine to like these things if you're Goth I sure do but it doesn't make someone Goth so I'd kindly like to ask you to stop with this whole "Goth is only a mindset" type nonsense. While the architecture and literature plus film genre aren't part of the subculture, there is a bit of response there. Dracula by Bram Stoker was written, and then it came out as a film adaption by the same name in Bela Lugosi played Dracula himself and then Bauhaus wrote about the actors death 23 years later with Bela Lugosi's Dead.

To quote from the magazine Drop Dead Magazine , "I think we can all agree that everyone would be a lot happier if they spent more money on things that matter records and less on things that don't corsets, Gang of Four reunions. At least if you were into the music as well and you dressed "normal" for the day, you'd still be goth and it's not entirely based on what types of fabric you choose to cloth your body that day. People have this belief that "Goth" is a persona someone uses because they're bored of being themselves, they want to fit in with a group or because they're insecure.

You can only get so many people out there, and more people are part of subcultures than you'd believe. They weren't trying to be anything, they're just being themselves. Another thing I feel I've got to do is to crack down on this whole "different types of Goth" thing. I mean, there just isn't. There's just "Goth" and "Deathrock". As for CyberGoth, pastel goth, steampunk, metalhead and Victorian goth, they're all valid types and everything, it's just that the majority, if not all, have no connection to the actual Goth subculture.

And I can tell you now that the far majority I've seen don't even respect the roots of it. Cybergoth is a subculture which derives from rave, goth and rivethead and pastel goth is a trend which originated from Tumblr.

It's not the first fashion to come from there, believe me. So the way I take it is this: There's some inspirations in there hence how it's taken the name "goth" on the end of these but it doesn't make it so. And these goth types based of moods I find plain ridiculous. The only sources I can find anywhere that validates these is that blackwaterfall. And that's where I found out about them in the first place. Oh, and that "Gothttypes Wikipedia", written by normal people without any proper sources. I honestly believe that blackwaterfall. The site says "Emo Goth" is a type, for gods sake.

If you're educated, then you'll know that lumping or mixing a teenage phase formerly a sub-genre of hardcore punk standing for emotive hardcore and a nearly 40 year old background is a bad idea. It's like trying to mix "scene" and "hippie" together because they both wear bright colours. There's just no respect for Goth there, and adult Goths wouldn't get caught up in teenage trends anyway. I've written so much already, and I haven't even read all of the book yet. That's why I'm going to stop because no doubt I'll want to add a whole lot more.

Jan 29, Maria Giakoumatos rated it it was amazing. As a Seattle native, it's impossible to miss Jillian Venters' beautiful gothic Victorian dresses at local conventions and gothy events. The few times I spoke with her, she was nothing but sweet, kind, and modest - making her the perfect goth rolemodel and author for Gothic Charm School. Bubbly, playfully snarky, and - of course - polite, Gothic Charm School is a great book for those new or interested in the goth scene, or for anyone looking for a fun and interesting read. Jun 14, Sam Bux Romatet rated it liked it Shelves: Truly Essential Jillian is amazing.

As a longtime blog reader, I've been a fan since the early days, and am so grateful this book exists. It is a delightful, sane template of polite behavior that encourages spooks and non-shpooks to co-exist in peace and civility. Jun 12, Alaska rated it it was ok. I've been familiar with this book and its author for a couple of years now, and considered buying a copy for some time.

Overall, I find her style a tad awkward at first, when getting into the book. Instead of referring to herself as I, she refers to herself as the lady of manners, and to the reader as snarkling.

Gothic Charm School: An Essential Guide for Goths and Those Who Love Them by Jillian Venters

The topics range from how to think about someone being Gothic, to how to live as a Goth in a world that doesn't accept Goths as an overall group, seeing them more as a threat to society. Venters truly does cover a range of topics, including how to be Gothic in different parts of the world, namely the warmer climates, where it is difficult to dress in heavier black clothing, and feel comfortable, let alone how to wear makeup in these climates. I didn't get all the way through her b ook before I had to pack up my home and move, and currently, it resides with my other books, in a bin, waiting for me to return from studies in Hawaii.

Gothic Charm School Ep.3: Dark Decorum

Venters emphasizes a lot of tolerance, and understanding, as well as showing a lot of grace and tact to people, showing them that you're a human being, and that you are a polite, pleasant person to be around, that you have as much to offer them as anyone else, and that your Gothic sensibilities enhance who you are as a person. That you enjoy life, and savor all it has to offer.


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Venters does a really good job of clearing up misconceptions about Goths, and I was surprised at how I ended up echoing a lot of what she said in a lecture I gave prior to reading her book, in which I emphasized that Goths could be any religion, any race, and sexual preference, raise kids, be happy, respectful, loving people, and who are simply different. I would recommend this book as a primer for budding Goths, as well as for people interested in the culture. She doesn't talk as much about the influence of Gothic music, but I do recall her discussing how Goths can like several kinds of music, and dress in several different ways as an expression of their own sense of style.

I love this book becuase Jillian Venters,known as the lady of the manner,she give good advice on how to deal with people who is rude and disrepectful to you beuase you are a goth, and give good advice to a none gothic parent about how to deal with there children who are goth or be comming a goth and who to deal with goth subculture and help parent to understand and not to freak out that there childern are goth and know that there children are not a satanist or a druggie or a psycho killer just becuase they are goth.

This book is an amazing book. I read it over and over again because it has tons of information for me and even for my parents. Its a great book and i definitely recommend this book.