Mom never really said anything about beauty but I believe, in her quiet Staying beautiful is a bitch because it captures the double meaning of the word bitch.
Table of contents
- Oh! You Pretty Things Lyrics
- The Harmless-Sounding Phrase That Is Terrible for All Women
- David Bowie – Oh! You Pretty Things Lyrics | Genius Lyrics
Men are forgiven for behaving badly because the assumption is that underneath it all they are basically well intentioned. The woman who disagreed with her date in front of his friends? The wife who got too drunk at the neighborhood party? Books and blogs and columns and actions are addressing the persistent double standard that stands in the way of true gender equality. But we have to start with language, which can work like a mild acid on our efforts. At best, that silence compels us to absorb the blame.
At worst, it renders the most terrible violations unspeakable. Whether language follows cultural shifts or cultural shifts change language — and surely it is a dance between the two — silence in either case gets us nowhere. It only serves to maintain the unacceptable status quo. We need to keep telling our stories, even when the news cycle dies down, to fill with our voices those few silent seconds in between each act of aggression that threatens to push us back toward having no voice at all. Karen Rinaldi is the publisher of Harper Wave , an imprint she founded in , and a senior vice president at HarperCollins Publishers.
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Her non-fiction work has appeared in the New York Times , Oprah. Motto hosts provocative voices and influencers from various spheres. It will change in the next moment, just like the weather. And once you stop taking it to be something to be defended against or resentful of, it can actually be kind of entertaining. I'm like your own personal hurricane. Besides, wouldn't it be boring if it were sunny skies all the time? There is no logical reason for the behavior -- it's a physiological reaction. As adults, we assume we're all capable of being normal, rational beings all the time.
Especially not those of us with riotously, spectacularly, outlandishly fluctuating hormones. Seriously, when I'm whining or bitching or complaining seemingly just for the sake of it, picture me as a tiny little girl in a tiny little dress with a tiny little diaper and a tiny little face red from bawling, who is upset that you just gave her the wrong milk. How seriously do you take that toddler?
How much compassion do you have for her? My ex used to use "'tudy," short for "attitude-y.
Oh! You Pretty Things Lyrics
It also acknowledged that I'm not only that -- there are many aspects and facets to me. This just happens to be the one that's coming out right now. You forgot that I asked you specifically to get whole milk this week? What you been up to? I'd roll my eyes but no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't suppress a smile. He knew me -- all of me -- and he wasn't scared of it.
Instead of taking my comment as a huge and monumental attack on his manhood that he must defend against, it was more like, 'let's acknowledge that bitchy thing Mel just said. It's all well and good to talk about enjoying it, but sometimes, that's just not possible.
In those moments, don't tell me I shouldn't be or feel a certain way. If you can't handle it, get out the way. Look, I love my sister like, well, a sister. But she can be a real bitch sometimes. And I've learned that occasionally, it's best to just leave the room.
Sometimes I can read her moods and know that she's ready to talk; other times I know it's about her blood sugar being low; and sometimes it's just a different type of mood -- the untouchable one. It's that one where no matter what I say or do, she's just going to be a bitch. For the most part, I know when to stick around and when to stay away.
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Then there are the times when I read it wrong and get scratched by her 'tudy talons. At that point, I retreat into the other room and lick my wounds. Both are fine, but it's a whole lot more pleasant when I read it right and beat a hasty retreat. You should feel free to do the same.
Take care of yourself You don't always have to put up with my crap.
The Harmless-Sounding Phrase That Is Terrible for All Women
Just because I'm in a bad mood doesn't mean you're responsible for it -- or for fixing it. You are, in fact, a whole separate being with your own experiences and needs and responsibilities. And your first responsibility is to yourself: If you can't handle it or don't have the energy or just don't want to deal with me in a certain moment, don't. DO NOT sacrifice yourself or your truth just to make me 'happy. I'd much rather you take care of yourself in the moment and have space for me later than overextend yourself now and blame me for it later.
Instead, try just letting me know: At the same time, I need to take care of myself right now so I'm gonna go chill for a while. With this, you've solved half of it anyway just by acknowledging that I'm not OK. I at least feel seen, and I'm also primed to get that it's not all about me all the time.
You don't have it all figured out.
David Bowie – Oh! You Pretty Things Lyrics | Genius Lyrics
You don't have to know exactly what to do or how to do it or what to say or how to say it beforehand. It's far better to admit you don't know than to constantly attempt to figure out the enigma wrapped in a riddle served on a bed of unpredictable with a little dollop of wtf on top that constitutes the psyche of a woman.
If you are really at your wit's end, but you do have the energy and you do want to know what's going on or how to help -- ask. How can I support you? And much of the time, I will tell you. This can flip me right out of my mood and put me into a different one. Because usually when I'm being a bitch, there's some need that's not being met. I don't feel heard, or I'm craving connection, or I'm not feeling expressed, or I'm just generally feeling like I don't matter.
Here's a truthful secret for you: Sometimes I lash out just to make sure that I do matter -- that I can at least impact someone. The point is, usually all that frustrated and angry energy wants to be transmuted into something else, something softer and more accessible and more yielding. If I'm given the genuine space for it, it will. Love me anyway Please, God, let me find a man who is capable of this.
Let me find someone who doesn't take me too seriously, isn't intimidated by mood swings and embraces the fact that I'm pretty judgmental a lot of the time. Let me find someone who knows that while I'm totally imperfect and totally impatient, I'm also totally loyal, totally affectionate and willing to go all out for my friends. Let me find someone who sees it all -- not who shuts down when I'm not at my best.