Struggle for Intimacy

The struggle for intimacy is a complex issue, key to the happiness of every man and woman. It goes on for all of us as long as we live. To be intimate is to be.
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I found many of the problems to be present within my own life. When you never see a healthy relationship as a child, you have to guess at what it looks like as an adult. This book lays out some clear points you should realize about moving forward. Boundaries, talking through feelings, and not o I read this directly after her other book about Adult Children Of Alcoholics, so I cant help but compare the two.

Boundaries, talking through feelings, and not overreacting are so important. I think this book is a great tool to help you look at your behavior from a rational perspective. Jan 18, Paul rated it really liked it. You definitely don't have to grow up in an alcoholic family to experience the kind of insanity she describes.

You can grow up with no idea what love or intimacy really are in many different family situations. Another winner It's double edged to feel thankful and relieved and comforted by this book, and angry that this is me, this is what just happened to my relationship, and angry that I didn't cause myself to be this way and it's so much painful work to deal with who and how I am everyday let alone in context I feel like in am off to a good start now that I know I have a tribe and a name acoa, but i wish I had known this and given my partner this book 14 year Another winner It's double edged to feel thankful and relieved and comforted by this book, and angry that this is me, this is what just happened to my relationship, and angry that I didn't cause myself to be this way and it's so much painful work to deal with who and how I am everyday let alone in context I feel like in am off to a good start now that I know I have a tribe and a name acoa, but i wish I had known this and given my partner this book 14 years ago before it all went downhill so fast these past four years.

I plan on having copies to spare in the future. Oct 11, Brandy rated it really liked it. Great book for those that have grown up in an alcoholic home or highly dysfunctional home or for those that are involved with an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. This book explains why Adult Children of Alcoholics ACOA's behave the way they do in relationships, why they choose the types of partners and relationships they do and why they struggle with finding a sense of "normalcy" in a relationship. Having grown up in an alcoholic home, I found this book extremely insightful - I recognized a lot Great book for those that have grown up in an alcoholic home or highly dysfunctional home or for those that are involved with an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.

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Having grown up in an alcoholic home, I found this book extremely insightful - I recognized a lot of my own patterns. Jul 24, Akilah rated it really liked it Shelves: While Woititz says what an ACOA should change, she doesn't really give strategies for how to do that. But, you know, there are other resources for that. Still, great read, really informative and thoughtful. Mar 04, James rated it really liked it Recommends it for: Anyone wrestling with relationship issues and any counselor, therapist, or social worker.

This is kind of a sequel to the author's title Adult Children of Alcoholics. In this one, she focuses specifically on the challenges faced in romantic relationships by adults who were brought up by alcoholics or adults whose parenting abilities were inadequate for other reasons. Again, she vividly shows the kinds of problems that come up, explains their roots, and guides the reader in changing the patterns. A very useful book. May 20, Ed rated it liked it. It focuses on the relationship problems incurred by children of alcoholics.


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  5. I am one, and understand the life-long struggle to be "normal". The information is accurate, but not all that new. My big take-away concerned my trust issues. Mar 31, Dee rated it it was amazing.


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    I wish this was longer. I do like that she has a section on same-sex relationships, but she talks about fear of homophobia as part of a COA's psyche, which doesn't really apply to most queers I know. Jul 27, Margot Note added it.

    Why Some People Struggle With Intimacy

    Acquiring intimacy skills requires a complete relearning process and is, to say the least, a monumental task" xiii. Dec 21, Julie Coble rated it liked it. Amazing how a book written 30 years ago can speak to me still. This is the third time I've read the book. It reminds me I still need to remember what makes ME who I am and how I've overcome much of the hurt from my youth. It is possible to find healing. Aug 16, Olivia rated it it was amazing. Highly recommend this book. Chock-full of great information for how to establish trust, intimacy and have a healthy adult relationship.

    Recommended for anyone who desires a healthy relationship; ACOA or not. Jun 22, Gennaro Esposito rated it really liked it Shelves: Great, helpful series that's aged very well. Mar 30, Claire rated it it was ok Shelves: The third kind of lying comes from the opposite extreme—men who are afraid of their partners, particularly hetero men with female partners.

    One of the great unspoken truths is how many men fear their spouses.

    Learn to cope with you or your partner’s avoidance of closeness and intimacy

    Of course, many women are no strangers to this kind of manipulation. The cure for this kind of lying is learning to be forthright with your partner. Tell your truth with diplomacy and skill, but nonetheless get it said. Have the courage to speak up for yourself rather than placate your partner and mutter through your teeth in anger. I call this radical truth-telling: The willingness to take one another on is an essential element in keeping a couple in good health.

    The first casualty of not telling the truth is our passion. As resentment builds, desire and generosity start to go out the window. I think this is the root of the epidemic of sexlessness in long-term relationships. When we stop showing up in authentic ways for our partner, and for ourselves, we may avoid painful conflict, but we also grow numb and disillusioned.

    Men and women are silenced for different reasons. Can you imagine a man like Clint Eastwood or Vin Diesel asking someone to comfort him because he feels insecure? You also talk about male anger on a societal scale—how does that come into play in relationships and couples therapy? Anger is mostly a secondary emotion. Underneath it is often hurt or pain. For too many men, the only strong emotions they permit themselves are either anger or lust.

    When feeling hurt, or insecure, many men may dip into feelings of shame or inadequacy. In therapy, I forcefully block such aggression, then help clients walk back their anger to the shame or pain underneath. This work requires the courage to allow yourself to be truly vulnerable. One of my clients gave me the gift of this proverb: And nothing more strong than true gentleness. When I work with a raging man, I often teach him that much of male rage is helpless rage.

    Book Review: Struggle For Intimacy | Edge Induced Cohesion

    But I tell my guys: Instead of redoubling your efforts at control or flying off the handle in revenge, take a few deep breaths and relax; let it go. We men are taught to live the opposite of that, not attending to what we can affect and getting into knockdown fights over the traffic. How might things be different if our culture were more driven by matriarchal values?

    But if you do look at the historical and anthropological literature, there is some evidence that women might do things differently. My friend and colleague Carol Gilligan just returned from Israel, where—in part inspired by her work see her book In a Different Voice: After the signing, they marched to Jerusalem where their ranks swelled to 30, They call their movement Women Wage Peace.

    Living relationally, by contrast, means living ecologically. Your relationship is your biosphere. Take good care of it for your own sake. I believe in enlightened self-interest. Sure, it might feel good to haul off and pollute your marriage with angry toxic words over there. For all their much-noticed narcissism, millennial men are by far the most gender-progressive generation on the planet. Young men expect a two-career family, expect joint decision-making, and expect to help out around the house. Remember, these guys were raised by a generation of feminist mothers.

    I think the answer is tragically simple. Men in their sixties and beyond are stuck in the old patriarchal mode, and women in their sixties are having none of it.

    See a Problem?

    Women have undergone a revolution. We men can scurry for cover or beat our chests and reassert the old ways, or we can rise to the challenge and meet these new demands for respect and emotional intimacy. As a family therapist, I believe that true intimacy and connection is our birthright. We need to create a relationship-cherishing culture around husbands, fathers, and sons. Places like ManKind Project offer men the opportunity to open up and care for other men. As is often the case, this book speaks a bit more profoundly about the experience of girls rather than boys in such situations, but this is probably due to the fact that far fewer men speak of such experiences, given the much more damaging repercussions in terms of reputation and shame, and the widespread and often misguided fear of such survivors being particularly prone to repeat the behavior themselves.

    The book speaks to the universality of longings, to the feeling of being different, to the fact that lessons in intimacy, in the absence of effective parental modeling, have to be learned through observation and trial and error, and in the need for people to find loving partners who are willing to communicate their boundaries and concerns and to never lose sight of either the horrors that their partners have faced, nor the fact that a deep wellspring of love and loyalty, of compassion and appreciation, as well as fear and anxiety and gloomy depression, spring from such painful formative personal experiences.

    The struggle for intimacy is not a struggle with friends or partners, but it is a struggle with the forces of darkness that rejoice in broken families and wounded survivors with harrowing damages, and that is not a struggle anyone should have to fight alone. You are commenting using your WordPress.

    My Personal Struggle With Intimacy In Marriage - Marriage Series

    You are commenting using your Twitter account. You are commenting using your Facebook account. Notify me of new comments via email. Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. Struggle For Intimacy, by Janet G. Woitiz This is one of the used books I purchased while attending the feast in Steamboat Springs, and it was read by one of the people I stayed with, and was bought with the intention of giving it as a present, all of which has an influence in how this book is to be taken.

    About nathanalbright I'm a person with diverse interests who loves to read. If you want to know something about me, just ask. Edge Induced Cohesion Pingback: Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: