Divorce-Proofing Your Marriage: 10 Lies That Lead to Divorce and 10 Truths That Will Stop It

Divorce-Proofing Your Marriage has 7 ratings and 1 review. Sean said: The Divorce-Proofing Your Marriage: 10 Lies That Lead to Divorce and 10 Truths That .
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At a recent anniversary party, my father said, "It's amazing. It's been 30 years and we still love spending time together. They laugh often, sing silly songs, and manage to make romantic gestures intermittently. Several summers ago my father was climbing up the deck; he grabbed a loose piece of wood and fell 14 feet to the ground. Once he was declared okay, I asked him what the heck he was doing.

My parents will be the first to tell you that marriage is difficult and there are plenty of days when both parties want out, but they will also tell you that life on the other side of those dreary days is good. I am coming to believe my parents are the exception rather than the rule. Although there are no statistics specifically addressing how many long-term married couples consider themselves happy or actively in love -- it would be difficult to assess -- there are other facts and statistics to support the claim many remain together obligatorily ever after. In July the New York Times published an article called The Un-Divorced about couples that remain legally married but live separately.

One man interviewed quips, "When people ask about my relationship status, I usually just say: I like my wife, I just can't live with her. When statistics are tallied, however, these couples count as married. Statistics assure us that women are much more likely to initiate divorce than men two-thirds of divorces are initiated by women.

Therefore, if the husband is unhappy and the wife is content, a divorce is less likely to take place.

Divorce-Proofing Your Marriage: 10 Lies That Lead to Divorce and 10 Truths That Will Stop It

I used to share my daily commute with a man who exemplified this. You don't want to over react or under react to an ex spouse. Good psychological counseling can help keep you in a centered place. Finally, for many, a spiritual practice and good friends can really help.

You didn't consciously choose to be in an unhappy marriage. But, you can choose to deal with it with dignity and intelligence. No one can tell you what to do. It may be a lonely place, but it's your place. Good day everybody my name is Mrs Caroline Gilli am here to share with you my life experience on how a great man called Dr Alexzander saved me and my marriage. Thank Dr Alexzander for everything you did in my marriage.

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I don't think that you're suggestions are going to be too popular Anything that doesn't fit or work as expected is junked right away and replaced, relationships included. And taking kids into account? It seems like they are the very last ones to be thought of by a party seeking divorce, thought that could only just that, a seeming. People in our culture are taught to be very self-centered now-a-days, that ones personal happiness is all that counts. Mark, I feel that you have written here with the best of intentions, but you are wasting your energy on talking about married couples and their subsequent divorce, rather than people who are not yet married.

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Hopefully the married couples can work things out. Hopefully the divorce doesn't suck too much life out of the family. We all get that. You must use your academic background to start promoting an end to the practice of marriage for non religious people, who have not yet made the mistake of marrying. It is a shame that with all of your knowledge you have not yet begun to actively promote an end to marriage for the non religious.

It is a useless and too often destructive institution that must be ended as soon as possible. It leaves good, hard working men at the mercy of corrupt family court systems and the she-devils who have come to dominate the feminine side of our culture. There is no greater pain than for a parent to lose a child, and this is what is happening to men all over the country. Get your priorities straight as soon as possible.

Ending marriage for the non religious must become your focus. Time went on and I tried. Counselling, relationship courses, religion, mental breakdowns. Getting out was the hardest thing I have ever done - to intentionally break up a home and shake the foundation beneath my children's feet made me wilt and doubt everything about myself. But the result is beyond expectation - I had forgotten what normal and happy was. Now I remember and my children remember and laugh with me.

Marriage and kids is just not something my husband can deal with He would rather come home and be left alone literally.. When I leave the house and dont see kids for few hours i miss them dearly and come home and kiss them he leaves and when he gets home never once comes to his family he wants privacy.. We dont talk he never has done anything special for me since we got married.

He has even forgotten my birthday before.. That hasnt existed for years sometimes i feel lonely but remind myself that i should be grateful for my kids they are more than i could ever ask for is it selfish to want someone who tells u i love you or just brings u a birthday card for your birthday??

I dont even expect it anymore I just focuas on my kids being happy and having everything they want and need.. I know that we both are not happy and because of financial situation it is difficult to walk away. I stay silent keep the peace but when everybody is asleep the tears fall down i feel sad we dont even sleep in the same bed.. Obviously I don't know your situation, but it sounds like it truly sucks. I don't know your background. What made you fall in love, how well did you know your husband before your married, why did you marry, etc.

I'm sure that your husband loves you very much but he has clearly lost his way. I don't know why he seeks solitude but there may be a better reason than you suspect. I don't know why he is emotionally detached but I'm sure that it's not your fault and that the reason is anything other than what you might imagine it to be. All that being said, and giving him the benefit of the doubt, you need to go together to see a marriage counselor as soon as possible.

Relationship Lies: The 10 Worst Lies You Can Ever Tell | Reader's Digest

They speak to lots of couples in similar situations and I believe that they can help you find out why your husband acts the way he does and how to help. You both need to focus on strengthening your relationship. This effort should take priority over your kids. They need you two to love each other and be happy together because you are their model of true love. I hope you feel happier and less lonely: Thank you for the beautiful article. It was well-written, insightful, sensitive, and spoke to my situation.

Knowing that 'happy ever after' was a fairytale idea, I fell in love with my wife, married and gave up the job and lifestyle I'd chased my whole life to spend my future with her. At first it was passionate, loving, happy but then the situation changed both in terms of my employment, the arrival of children and the disparity of earnings between my wife and mine. The marriage turned sour 5 years after we married. There are likely lots of reasons we could both point to and likely much we could have done to try and save it. I turned inwards, my self esteem from losing my job, losing track of my friends and family while she turned outwards seeking to find a life outside the marriage.

This led to the unforgiveable infidelities mentioned in 'stay or go'. I say infidelities because the course taken was firstly to seek to revisit old relationships which led to two incidents of infidelity. Then there was infidelity committed with friends of friends, in conjunction with other friends and also with colleagues she worked with. I knew about some of these by , but decided to try and forgive and move forward positively.

The unforgiveable neither insurmountable nor in reality unforgiveable. I learned much about myself at that point, and much about what my wife thought about me. I thought at that point the infidelities would stop, however they didn't and despite being humiliated in public on at least two occasions over them, I continued to give the marriage a chance. The damage to my self esteem was continuing. I decided to take revenge on my wife by having an affair - hypocritically, as I'd claimed the high ground in previous rows about the infidelity she had been involved in.

This was exciting and restored some of my confidence briefly. It was a horrendous mistake by me for all concerned. It damaged the person I had an affair with emotionally, it damaged me and it damaged both my wife and the relationship. Despite this we resolved to try to remain together for the sake of our children.

At least that is what I read into the situation. In reality it was another avoidance tactic on both our parts. Avoiding the very obvious point that the marriage had been dead for years. We were no longer friends let alone lovers. Despite the agreement to try, and for her and I not to stray, the infidelities continued on her side.

Random men picking her up in some cases, others found for her by her friends. It seems like the song 'Always the last to know' was to be my theme tune. In August this year we agreed to go for a divorce. I acquiesced to agreeing to admitting adultery despite there having been the one affair in my case that had ended in whilst more recent examples had occurred from my wife's perspective. In the end the marriage is ending devoid of energy. There is no energy to deal with the lies, the deceit even the need to converse. So, divorce is the logical exit, kids or not for both of us.

It has been the case for at least 8 years. I gave it my best shot and I choose to believe she made an effort too. It just seemed to be doomed in the end. We will be going our separate ways soon. The children are aware of the difficulties and have been told of what is coming. They seem settled with the idea although they will notice lifestyle changes when I move out. The one thing I feel for you in this situation is you did not have a friend of family member who would grab you by the shirt and smack you upside the head and tell you to grow a spine! You should have divorces her after the 1st infidelity and taken your kids with you!

She even talked you into admitting your affair and not mentioning her many, you got suckered! You are leaving you kids with this psycho-bitch? Well, they will all get screwed up. Keep your eyes open because if you think she is done making your life hell now that your divorced, think again, there are ways she can torture you now that are far more painful than when you were married.

I have been married for 25 years and have two grown up children who live at home.

The first ten years were great, then my husband had a serious drink problem. We lost everything, he got help and sobriety came and I soldered on. I know he went through a lot, we all did. We lost everything, my feelings of self worth and feeling special diminished. We lost our home and everything. During that period, he changed as a person. One day I found out he was dabbling again with alcohol, so I took my kids and left. I went away for a year, he searched for me and I returned living in a rough area in a council house it was tough.

I loved him and wanted it to work, maybe because I wanted to think he wanted me more so that a bottle of vodka. Anyway, we have moved about a lot trying to get back on our feet but financially it's always a struggle. I feel so unhappy, we work, talk and that's it. No excitement, fun and not much laughter. I just feel I can never trust him, as I know he has lied to me a few times. He told me he had given up smoking and he hasn't. How can I trust a man that cannot tell the truth, how can I love someone who doesn't love me enough to be honest.

Our sexual relationship died many years ago, and not have a sexual relationship for over ten years makes me feel less of a woman. I have never strayed, but I just want to be happy overall. I just don't know what to do. I can't afford to live on my own, I am in a country with a visa but no savings.

I feel I have no way out. I need to find myself, before I get lost.


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Straight up, if you can't trust someone there is no point in staying married. If you stepped out on someone and want to "fix" things talk to those that "fixed " it and stayed. I bet they tell you to NOT try to "fix" it. You will pay for staying the rest of your very long life. I stayed 14 years with a liar, divorced 17 years and he remarried and now lies to her, and she has no where to go. The grounds of irreconcilable differences are accepted as true, and can be based on the assertions of one of the parties to the marriage. The committee from the ABA Family Law Section objected to the ability of a petitioner to avoid the day separation requirement by asserting "serious marital discord".

In a policy statement, the ABA Family Law Section chose "to recognize separation only as conclusive evidence of marital breakdown and not as its unbending test", implying that "other kinds of evidence would be admissible to establish breakdown as well. By , nine states had adopted no-fault divorce laws, [35] and by late , every state but South Dakota and New York had adopted some form of no-fault divorce although some forms were not as easy to obtain as that in California. New York governor David Paterson signed a no-fault divorce bill on August 15, As of October [update] , no-fault divorce is allowed in all fifty states and the District of Columbia.

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From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. This article needs additional citations for verification. Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources.

Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. December Learn how and when to remove this template message. Marriage and other equivalent or similar unions and status. Void and Voidable marriages Annulment Marriage fraud. Family and criminal code or criminal law. Child abuse Domestic violence Incest Child-selling. Divorce in the United States. Retrieved 12 February Cornell University Law School.

Retrieved 23 July Born in the Soviet Union? University of Cincinnati Law Review. Levy, 44 BYU L. Katz; John Eekelaar; Mavis Maclean The New York Times. Retrieved 6 March Bank of Valletta Review Retrieved 20 December No-fault is now the law in all 50 states". Archived from the original on December 8, Retrieved July 22, Retrieved 22 July Retrieved 25 June Retrieved 26 October De Burgh , 39 Cal.

In De Burgh , the trial judge found both spouses guilty of cruelty against each other which had been provoked by the acts of the other. Therefore, both spouses were guilty of recrimination and neither was entitled to a divorce. The Supreme Court of California took advantage of this case to invalidate the defense of recrimination through the expansive application of equitable doctrines like clean hands, and remanded for a new trial.

American Law in the Twentieth Century. Marriage of McKim , 6 Cal. Hotels and a dozen dude ranches around Reno catered to the women who arrived almost daily to put a quick end to their marriages. A couple could fight at breakfast and be divorced by dinner time. Section 80, "Proctors" of Divorce and Separation, Vol. Stanford University Press, , p. Retrieved 31 May