A good married life is not something everyone gets. If you think marriage is for keeps, here're 10 plus One ways to keep your marriage of course, like it would if you were a Casanova before marriage and insist on being.
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- 1,500 People Give All the Relationship Advice You’ll Ever Need
- Relationship Advice from Over 1, Happily Married Couples
- Some of them aren't fun to think about, but they're crucial to know.
But most of us don't have problems of that magnitude. Most of us have problems that are more like petty and repeated annoyances, which when fed the steroids of resentment and anger, balloon up like Arnold Schwarzenegger. And we all know what steroids did to his heart , right? Most of our problems start out small enough -- he borrows the jumper cables from your car and then leaves them sitting in the driveway just waiting to get run over -- and from that sprouts a giant festering sore.
It leads you to utter words like, "If you loved me you would have put the jumper cables back in my car so that when I get stuck in a bad neighborhood with a dead battery I could save myself," which, in my household, generally results in a reply like "When do you ever drive in bad neighborhoods? It is the small annoyances that, if left unaddressed, do us in. For a happier marriage, address them right away and keep it simple. Sometimes the best way to address a problem is to just walk away from it -- as in seriously let it go.
Not every slight must be addressed.
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Know that not every insult is intended. Practice letting go as much as you can. Bite your tongue until the tip bleeds.
And once in a while, remind yourself of why you married this person. Focus on those reasons and let stuff pass without mention. The trick to successful silence, however, is that you really let the problem pass. If you stay silent and still harbor bad thoughts, well, that's where ulcers come from.
As the Beatles told us, "Let It Be. Relationships aren't flat-lined; that's death, actually. Life has ups and downs, peaks and valleys. We all go through periods where the mere thought of life without our partners can bring tears to our eyes and then a week later we can't stand the sound of their breathing next to us.
We've all been there. The trick is knowing that you won't stay in either place forever. Truth is, in a marriage, you spend most of your time in an emotional middle ground. It's not songbirds chirping, nor is it considering which poison in his pasta will cause the most painful demise. This middle ground isn't the couple who sit in the restaurant across from one another without conversing. Those people have actually flat-lined and just don't know it yet.
No, the middle ground is when months meld into years and you know what the reaction will be before you say something.
1,500 People Give All the Relationship Advice You’ll Ever Need
It's when the book you finished last night just migrates automatically to the nightstand on his side and he tells you about the recorded "Modern Family" episode you slept through. It's the every day ebb and flow without the waves. We tend to take advantage of those we love the most -- probably because we know they love us and we can get away with it. It's the old kick-the-cat syndrome. You have a bad day at the office and come home and take it out on your mate.
A much healthier pattern is to start out each day by asking yourself, "What can I do today to make my partner happy?
Doesn't it make more sense to put your best face on for someone you love? Look for ways to say "yes. That sometimes means sitting through endlessly long ball games, putting on a tie, watching a horror movie with your eyes closed, and traveling around old Civil War battleground sites when you really wanted to be vacationing on a beach in Hawaii.
It's doing things for your partner. Intimacy isn't just sex and passion isn't just doing it on the kitchen counter. Bedroom habits age along with the marriage. There may be no stronger aphrodisiac than a moonlight walk on the beach that ends in a kiss. There may be no greater display of passion than the zeal of a partner in a hospital room trying to get the nurse's attention for an ailing wife. Don't let others define what is a "normal" or "healthy" amount of sex for your marriage. Know that things change, but that doesn't make them less exciting or fun.
And intimacy comes in many shapes, including conversation and cuddling. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Remind your partner and yourself that you appreciate them. Say thank you for the little things. Practice honesty, even when you're ashamed. Take care of your appearance. Foster relationships outside your marriage.
Relationship Advice from Over 1, Happily Married Couples
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